To The Elf Wax Loyalist Party

Fight UsNashville, Tn.–I guess a lot of you newbs are wondering what’s up with Elf Wax and where we’ve been. I know you’ve been whispering about me behind my back. I will kill you.

Some of us are busy and some of us have started new lives, some of us are continuing old lives that just continuously kick ass. That’s Elf Wax for you. But the main thing here is that we haven’t been posting much. The following is a list of excuses:

  • We are working on other projects. If you know who we are, then you know where to look. We can’t link to it here and certain things simply should not be printed; but, in fact are. Elsewhere.
  • Drugs
  • Videogames
  • Fighting foreign wars
  • Girlfriends
  • Drugs
  • Miley shortage
  • Collapse of the Soviet Union (we just found out)
  • Obama
  • We are officially on the FBI watch-list, so in a way we have “moved our operation” for effectiveness
  • But in fact the new operation is completely different from this
  • And better
  • Also, books, reading, writing, and the band (who are awesome)
  • poopsex loving dyke whores who like to fool around in hallways, switching between sucking our dicks and half-pooped turds

Yes. Shit is sort of changing for Elf Wax and we have been late acknowledging this but we really don’t care about you or what you read or tell people or believe in your little mislead hearts because you are sheep and cattle anyway. Oh, and just because I am in another state doesn’t mean I don’t still hate Virginia. Your laws are crooked and your police force is as overbearing as they are stupid. I back up this claim with evidence in our new website and with my mere existence.

But seriously, it’s serious time. And we are seriously avoiding this shit right now, because life is short man and there are about fifteen thousand better things to do than write this drivel you couldn’t possibly think of yourselves. We’re creating different things, writing better stuff, working on our own separate and collaborative projects and mainly just ignoring this place and cruising on the sexting hits. See our tags section for sexts. Sexting is where the money’s at. Changing your minds is where the satisfaction lies. And really, truthfully, honestly, Elf Wax readers are not even our target audience anymore so we politely ask that you dumb shit retards not follow our staff around the internet; or better yet, unplug your internet altogether because you’re probably just wasting bandwidth producing a never-ending stream of YoUtUbE COMMENTZ LOLZ I LOVE KE$HA SHE IS SO DEEP. And get fucked, please. Oh, unless you’re that girl from the insurance commercials with swollen red lips in which case I’ll take one blowjob, but then you must leave as well.

Puntball for All

Welcome to Puntball, internet. The Game, the legend.

# of players needed: 2 – Infinity.
Rule’s are simple. Player 1 tries to punt a basketball over or in between two power lines. 1 point for clearing the lines, 2 for in between. If the ball makes contact with a wite, the punt is null and void. Behind a certain line lays the +1 zone, which works like a 3-point zone, adding one point to the punt.
Here’s where it gets saucy: The player(s) not punting stand on the opposing side of the lines, trying to catch the ball to deem the punt “out”.
In the event that a player can catch his own punt before the ball passes the wires, a re-punt will be rewarded. If after, an extra point will be rewarded.
The players rotate in order until one reaches 11(or however many) points and the game ends.

My favorite summer game. Soon to be seen in the Olympics for sure. Enjoy!