Why reddit incorrectly deleted a chronicle.su story from its frontpage (and why we’re happy to see it)

"Actually, I watch CNN, and that isn't REALLY how Ross Ulbricht was CAUGHT."
“Actually, I watch CNN, and that isn’t REALLY how Ross Ulbricht was CAUGHT.”

Today OP posted an older chronicle.su story to reddit, and about two hours ago, it was deleted. I don’t take issue with the fact it took so long for the public to pick up on this story [Editor’s Note: who’s kidding who, like I give a fuck? I take issue with nothing. Stop oppressing me, shitlords!!!!]

That’s fairly typical at every level of journalism. Information might become available instantly, but it can take ages to disseminate. This is normal, especially when so much technical jargon is involved.

But before we tear down reddit for being a POWER-LOVING SHITHOLE, I would like to point out that I also really enjoyed some reddit users’ reactions to my material, a lot of it seen for the first time by more than 30,000 people.

reddit1

But on down the page I noticed complaints, with only a few upvotes, suggesting that because chronicle.su is “satire” the story should be taken down without any respect to whether the actual content of the story was true. Nothing is ever funny, just because it’s true, right?

Now, when I wrote the story, I expected the news about DEITYBOUNCE and GODSURGE to take a while for the public to catch on, because it requires at least some familiarity with system and network security to understand, even in the simplest of terms. Also, I knew that because I delivered the story with that Internet Chronicle-brand gusto, people would never actually believe it, even though every word of it is true. But I did that on purpose, because I do this for myself, and all that matters is that I know the difference between bullshit and reality.

However, after 18 months, I finally got to see the conversation unfold that I wanted to see around the particular subject of ARKSTREAM: there were upvoted discussions around actual facts contained in the story.

If I had to add anything to this discussion, it would be that 1) certain pieces of hardware purchased online by certain people like to make pit-stops in Northern Virginia for certain unknown reasons, and 2) DEITYBOUNCE should not be on ANYONE's machine.
If I had to add anything to this discussion, it would be that 1) certain pieces of hardware purchased online by certain people like to make pit-stops in Northern Virginia for certain unknown reasons, and 2) DEITYBOUNCE should not be on ANYONE’s machine for ANY reason.

But as soon as I saw we had hit the reddit frontpage, I knew the story would be deleted not because it was untrue, but because chronicle.su is a place where even we, the writers, don’t know whether the next story is going to be Onion-oriented satire, factual news, hard-nosed political commentary, or a combination of truth and joking, seasoned for effect with convenient quotes by nonexistent people.

I was on the phone with kilgoar when I said, “You know it’s going to get deleted, right? People hate seeing us succeed.” I guess it’s because we do whatever we want to do, and we have fun, and they’re jealous equally of our dank memes, Internet pussy and unfathomable political power.

Seriously though, people hate us because they think running an Internet Hate Site is easy, like anyone could do it. And they’re right, it’s very fucking easy after you’ve done it for 8 years and know what you’re doing. [Editor’s note: Not to mention, WordPress is a fucking joke.] But they didn’t start their own websites; in fact, most everyone – including yourselves – are losers who never actually did anything with their boring-ass lives, so you have to shit on everybody else and drag everyone else down. The only way you know how to process the vibrant, beautiful world we live in is through your gray sunglasses like you have it all figured out, and all you’ve figured out is SHIT, so the whole world looks like shit to people like you. I know this because I was you. You either grow out of it or grow into an old bitter turd, stinking up the room. Reddit saw the neckbeards remark at the end of my article and instantly hated it, because only a redditing neckbeard would ever suggest a story be taken down from reddit, a content aggregation site known for its commitment to accuracy and integrity.

What a fucking loser.
What a fucking loser.

Just the facts, funny-guy

My article was a combination of straight news mixed with obvious commentary for spice. So the moderator of /r/technology really didn’t do his homework, electing instead to answer MODS MODS MODS, GET IN HERE. ‘Finally, a chance to feel useful!’ thought the reddit moderator. ‘This will validate my existence!’ And so with authority and conviction, he deleted my true, factual story from the top of the technology subreddit, because The Internet Chronicle is a satire news site. Yeah, you moderate a fucking subreddit, big deal. The Internet Chronicle doesn’t belong on reddit anyway, because reddit is a shitty website built on a shitty, exploitative premise. And let me tell you, it was a real battle of superpowers today, ladies and gentlemen. It was real barnburner.

There might be some syntactical disagreements with the order of events in which Ross Ulbricht’s activities were finally uncovered, but that doesn’t make the article wrong. In fact, when the news broke of Ulbricht’s arrest, this information was still totally unknown, and the online usergroup he contacted for tech support may well have led to his discovery, since only a handful of people were using those commands online, and Ulbricht’s commands and the way in which he requested help for them served only a very small set of specific purposes, namely the secure movement of information along two unique online databases of illegal buyers and sellers.

If you’re curious, that was really him on the website, and the other users only realized it well after he was arrested. I know this for a fact because I participate in online discussion. In other words, lurk moar, faggots. An actual, useful moderator on the tech forum later confirmed the request was made by a single-use Tor user. If I wanted to make something up for laughs, I would not have been so dry as to point to an unknown website to make a remark about an unknown line of dev code. You fucking unknown tryhards.

But I’m sure you’d rather buy the FBI’s explanation, anyway, since you’re the kind of person who gets his news from reddit comments.

Now, how did we appear at the top of the Technology frontpage? Well, it turns out OP is a faggot pretty cool guy, who proves … basically the entire point of this website.

reddit-OP

And the point is you’re a bunch of gullible, mouth-breathing idiots, who are willing to suck any powercock that comes within inches of your open lips. Whether it’s wiki-power, Snowden-power, military-power, police-power, upvoting-power, Chronicle-power, or just plain old power-power, you’ll still suck the end of that dick and swallow the seed that makes you sick, because all you want is a taste. A tiny little taste of that power.

Well, here it is, so drink it down, MOTHERFUCKER. Go fuck yourself, reddit.

Go fuck yourself, Internet.

This is The Internet Chronicle, and you’re reading chronicle.su.

We hate you.

num, num, num. Oh, give it back, Daddy, let me suck the powercock. I almost tasted it. I can smell your powercock, Daddy, just let me have a little taste. Give me a little tiny taste of powercum, Daddy. I want to taste it.

The Internet Chronicle is a Powercock Publication, brought to you Proudly by Lebal Drocer, Inc.
We are behind every iteration of the world superpowers.

Boring website ‘reddit’ braces for historic meltdown

INTERNET — Reddit is like church. It is a huge place everyone’s been to but nobody loves, which is why the Internet is in a giddy stir as reddit approaches this imposing critical mass situation. Redditors are in an uproar after the company fired one of the community’s favorite admins, Victoria, who modded the IAmA threads and made a lot of the bigger names appear at the top of the frontpage, like the president and stuff.

So to express how butthurt all of reddit feels, the moderators of major subreddits, including AskReddit, History, Art, Gaming, Science, Videos, and even the AdviceAnimals moderators have taken their subreddits private, which is supposed to send a message to reddit operators that the community liked Victoria, or something.

What you see now is only pre-game commentary for the big event, scheduled to happen sometime tonight or tomorrow, when they update the reddit blog. You want to see shit hit the fan, watch reddit for the next day or two.

Could Victoria’s firing end the world? Doubtful. But it could end reddit.

Scumbag Steve - reddit

Aaron Swartz was Murdered

Aaron Swartz killed himself after the sudden realization he was a "macfag."
Murderers of Aaron Swartz tried to disguise his death as a suicide.

NEW YORK — After reports of Aaron Swartz’s apparent suicide circulated around the Internet this weekend, investigators found evidence of foul play. A former architect of Reddit, the online forum scandalized earlier this year by child pornography and “creepshots,” Aaron Swartz was widely known for his contributions to anti-copyright activism after stealing millions of files from MIT.

Hackers from Anonymous released a statement on Sunday, “Heavy-handed prosecutors raped the beautiful mind of Aaron Swartz. He later ‘killed himself.’ Are the draconian copyright laws selectively applied to those who threaten the inertia of entrenched power? Certainly. Will they use their sockpuppets and judicial torture system to make YOU kill yourself too? Of course. Will they kill you if you go too far?”

Chronicle Reporters also questioned Julian Assange, sick from months of exile in the Ecuadorean embassy, about the death of Aaron Swartz. “I am not convinced that Aaron Swartz was such a coward he committed suicide due to fear of prison,” said Mr. Assange. “Read his words, and decide for yourself, but I believe Swartz was murdered by a team of copyright assassins who made it all look like a simple suicide. Watch what you say, or you may end up like Aaron Swartz.”

Swartz gave a talk in 2008, mentioning his intention to ” download scientific journals and upload them to file sharing networks.”

Information is power. But like all power, there are those who want to keep it for themselves. The world’s entire scientific and cultural heritage, published over centuries in books and journals, is increasingly being digitized and locked up by a handful of private corporations. Want to read the papers featuring the most famous results of the sciences? You’ll need to send enormous amounts to publishers like Reed Elsevier.

There are those struggling to change this. The Open Access Movement has fought valiantly to ensure that scientists do not sign their copyrights away but instead ensure their work is published on the Internet, under terms that allow anyone to access it. But even under the best scenarios, their work will only apply to things published in the future. Everything up until now will have been lost.

That is too high a price to pay. Forcing academics to pay money to read the work of their colleagues? Scanning entire libraries but only allowing the folks at Google to read them? Providing scientific articles to those at elite universities in the First World, but not to children in the Global South? It’s outrageous and unacceptable.

“I agree,” many say, “but what can we do? The companies hold the copyrights, they make enormous amounts of money by charging for access, and it’s perfectly legal — there’s nothing we can do to stop them.” But there is something we can, something that’s already being done: we can fight back.

Those with access to these resources — students, librarians, scientists — you have been given a privilege. You get to feed at this banquet of knowledge while the rest of the world is locked out. But you need not — indeed, morally, you cannot — keep this privilege for yourselves. You have a duty to share it with the world. And you have: trading passwords with colleagues, filling download requests for friends.

Meanwhile, those who have been locked out are not standing idly by. You have been sneaking through holes and climbing over fences, liberating the information locked up by the publishers and sharing them with your friends.

But all of this action goes on in the dark, hidden underground. It’s called stealing or piracy, as if sharing a wealth of knowledge were the moral equivalent of plundering a ship and murdering its crew. But sharing isn’t immoral — it’s a moral imperative. Only those blinded by greed would refuse to let a friend make a copy.

Large corporations, of course, are blinded by greed. The laws under which they operate require it — their shareholders would revolt at anything less. And the politicians they have bought off back them, passing laws giving them the exclusive power to decide who can make copies.

There is no justice in following unjust laws. It’s time to come into the light and, in the grand tradition of civil disobedience, declare our opposition to this private theft of public culture.

We need to take information, wherever it is stored, make our copies and share them with the world. We need to take stuff that’s out of copyright and add it to the archive. We need to buy secret databases and put them on the Web. We need to download scientific journals and upload them to file sharing networks. We need to fight for Guerilla Open Access.

With enough of us, around the world, we’ll not just send a strong message opposing the privatization of knowledge — we’ll make it a thing of the past. Will you join us?

Aaron Swartz
July 2008, Eremo, Italy

The Evil Hierarchy of Reddit Moderators

Reddit Moderator

Increasingly, all people are being turned into objects. This is more than a gender issue. This is the death of the Subject. Nobody has truly come to grips with the horrible alienation of Social Media. On r/creepshots, people have entered a sick feedback loop that we all know ends with ragdoll porn and sex doll necrorape fantasy. Sure it’s legal, but so is investigating the identities of the people who moderate it.

“What kind of person would want to sit around and moderate Reddit all day?” ~ Viciously Raped Sex Doll

Adrian Chen is a dickhead who constantly steals his ideas from Chronicle.SU, and Gawker is a piece-of-shit tabloid, but Violentacrez, a person who didn’t even take elementary precautions to protect his identity, cannot be doxed. Just because he’s your friend and he’s being attacked by a tabloid doesn’t mean you have to sacrifice the freedom of speech.

In this day and age it’s so common for meaning to be inverted by a small group of people who control media. Just look at the way Christians claim that abortion is an affront to religious freedom. Censoring Gawker in the name of freedom of speech is the same thing. Your bff, Violentacrez, might have been unfairly treated by someone trolling for tabloid hits, but is the answer really abusing your power to censor an entire media outlet? Why’d you even bother with the SOPA blackout?

I’ve had my run-ins with Reddit Moderators in the past. In fact, Chronicle.SU is banned from r/politics. By banning Gawker, a small group of people have ONCE AGAIN proven they are merciless tyrants.

 

Extra Rage Comics

You know all those exaggerated bullshit stories you read on Reddit, which trick you into believing it really happened to someone? 99% of the time, people embellish their stories dramatically and this is the only reason they get upvotes. Yet somehow, you want to believe it because it’s disguised as a sillyass cartoon that gives you chills of cult like love for your precious, sweet, loving redditors. Oh, you know about the trolls, though. They’re always downvoted and exposed because of Reddit’s precious direct democracy.

Well prepare to have your mind completely shattered, REDDIT.

I use hundreds of sockpuppet accounts to constantly push MISERABLE rage comics into Reddit – HELL, I INVENTED THE LIVEJOURNAL RAGE COMIC.

I did this by making sure the comics would play to all the fucktards who go “aww” and upvote something that isn’t funny.

WELL BY GOD, I’ve got something you’re going to HATE. This is designed for all the little trolls out there, who are now going to RUSH to f7u12 spamposting and spamvoting up horrific comics which will possibly ruin the seriousness which has taken over this CANCEROUS and HIDEOUS scar upon the internet and possibly the worst abscess in COMIC HISTORY.

YOU WILL RUE THE DAY, REDDIT!




Imagine the comments… Infiltrate Reddit…. Upvote…. Profit???

I LOOK EDGY AND FUN WHEN I MAKE TEH IMAGES TOO BIG

 

Reddit is the world’s largest child porn website

Fans of Reddit often see their servers overloaded with child porn.

Preliminary polling of Reddit users has revealed a shocking statistic – over one third of Redditors are in fact registered sex offenders. A recent post on SomethingAwful, the internet’s best source for gore, rightfully accused Reddit of being the primary hub for trading of hurtful child pornography.

The vast majority of content on Reddit is composed of self-made images by teen and preteen girls. The community often goes out of its way to coerce young women into posing nude and performing sex acts on camera, and the vast amount of this kind of data continually taxes the resources of Reddit.

Formerly, /b/ was decidedly the most depraved web site on the internet. However, /b/’s gore and porn obsession has turned into revolutionary anarchism because endemic egomania brought about the self-mythologizing Anonymous cult. It seems all the disillusioned pedophiles have fled to the welcoming atmosphere of Reddit.

If you don’t want to go to prison and be labeled as a sex offender by association, stay off Reddit.