The New Sabu: FBI says #ObamaSec informants behind Lizard Squad attack on Sony, Microsoft

LizardMafia #OFFLINE

LizardMafia #OFFLINEIn a shocking, but not unprecedented Christmas day network attack, it is difficult to determine just who, in this winter story, is the real Grinch. However, new testimony from an anonymous FBI source under the pseudonym Robert Smith suggests informants are once again behind another round of malicious attacks on corporate America, with the same goal of subjugating and disrupting yet another rogue group of well-meaning winter break hackers.

While a member of LizardMafia – or Lizard Squad as they are also known – told Microsoft their latest attack was designed to encourage better network security for their popular online gaming platform XBOX Live, and for the Sony Playstation Network, by offering free Christmas stress-tests in the form of DDoS attack, FBI communications appear to indicate they already have someone on the inside, inciting the group to stop doing things “for the lulz” and to instead take up “a real cause,” their Christmas attack being the first of more to come. The group claimed they are able to harm the world economy by disabling the NASDAQ. Smith said their informant knows the identities of core players in the group, which could be used to control the group’s behavior in the near future.

lizardmafia

Smith said the FBI calls their mole a “high ranking” decision-maker for the group, and have indicated that by changing the group’s trajectory from comic mischief to corporate sabotage, he has steered the LizardMafia right into their legal jurisdiction.

The person authorities are calling the ‘new Sabu’ belongs to ObamaSec, the elite, patriotic hacker group which claimed responsibility for the attack on North Korea’s Internet – a story whose newsworthiness was owed both to the takedown, and existence of, DPRK net infrastructure. Sabu II, Electric Boogaloo negotiated directly with Kim Dotcom, a known gamer.

kim-dotcom-DM-lizard-mafia

Kim Dotcom has announced his own heroism after allegedly buying the group off. For now, the LizardMafia has accepted a ransom of 5,000 lifetime memberships to Kim Dotcom’s new, old file sharing service, Megaupload. If the attacks return, however, their agreement with Dotcom becomes invalid, and they will no longer be able to host and share files on his premium website.

Watch DDoS attacks unfold live on http://map.ipviking.com/

Sony insider says US Gov’t financed ‘The Interview’ production

Dear Leader
Sony source says US Government financed Hollywood flop film 'The Interview'
Sony source says US Government financed Hollywood flop film ‘The Interview’

In a sudden and perfunctory turn of events, information obtained from a high-ranking source inside Sony appears to corroborate allegations made by North Korean leadership, saying that the US Government may have played a “large role” in financing the James Franco-Seth Rogen Hollywood shovel-film “The Interview.”

The source, speaking on condition of anonymity, said the government knew North Korea’s plans for a free, public internet were underway before production of the film began. The film’s release would have coincided with the completion of a North Korean internet infrastructure, he said, threatening Kim Jong Un’s nationwide reputation of benevolence and invincibility.

Our source said invoices paid out to Sony were repeatedly stamped with a signature Department of Defense seal and label. The sources said one document was even notarized by a certified California notary.

In the wake of the scandal, the Supreme Leader of North Korea has once again threatened to go to war on the United States after publishing their own official accusations that the government singlehandedly created the film. Un said the US Government created “The Interview” to discredit his benevolent regime, and build public support around a DDoS attack on the free, public internet infrastructure he graciously provided to his people.

The official website of the DPRK published a second denial of their involvement in the attack on Sony’s hilariously underprotected servers. However, in a separate interview, a source inside Sony said the nature of the attack suggests the breach must have come “from within,” adding that the attack would have to be an inside job because of the security system’s reliance on biometrics before access to any information would be made available – even to a hacker – encrypted or otherwise.

The Sony hack very likely was an inside job.

Sony insider

“The DPRK has already launched the toughest counteraction. Nothing is more serious miscalculation than guessing that just a single movie production company is the target of this counteraction. Our target is all the citadels of the US imperialists who earned the bitterest grudge of all Koreans.

Kim Jong Un said his “robust” army of 1.2 million “bloodthirsty” warriors is chomping at the bit to attack the monolithic institutions dictating American hegemony, but Sony is fortunately not on that list.

China, an all-too-poignant mediator in the dispute, described the hacking as “unfortunate,” adding that a digital security breach is a serious issue (they should know), but later said “The Interview” was “tasteless” and “nothing to be proud of.” Considering the movie is a late-2014 rushed-to-Christmas meme-generator acted out by an aging, same-character-in-every-movie Seth Rogen, China is probably not far off the mark. Sony now seems to acknowledge the film is so unwatchable they are refusing to even sully their own Crackle video streaming site with it.

Meanwhile, Kim Jong Un’s internet throughout North Korea is in disarray, and a radical activist group is threatening to airdrop DVDs of “The Interview” on the hungry, destitute and impoverished people of Pyongyang. Perhaps they could drop some food and water, too – and while they’re at it – a DVD player.

Anonymous, led from a federal prison by Barrett Brown, are also threatening to release the film by Christmas if Sony does not.

Geo quits again

THE INTERNET – Geo’s newest Chronicle Career took a turn for the worst Saturday after the 17-year-old PS3 addicted college dropout decided once and for all, again, that his beloved Internet newspaper has gone astray.

“I thought you guys were back on the right track after [redacted]’s article about [redacted], but with every celebrity death hoax you spawn out of boredom, my faith in you is just a little bit more eroded.”

Let me show you how it’s done:

[chronicle.su article by geo himself]

Up and coming stoner critic salutes self righteous indignation

I’m geohotz. Anonymous hacked Sony and later, the government. I think they are onto us, by the way dude, just to let you know. Smoke weed erryday niqqas you kno how I do, keyboard warriors represent 2012.

[EDITOR’S NOTE: this is actual copy written by Geo] when i first stumbled upon this site thanks to the hacking of the playstation network, i thought i had found a group of people with similar ideas and morals who had wisdom beyond mine they could pass on to me.
for awhile, that was true. and then later i was like no.
it dawned on me around the time of the Akon article that I knew far less about these individuals than I had thought. but i still knew they were so much better than me
While i still believe Brutus had somewhat good intentions in this endevoar, I can’t say the same for you Trout, you disgusting motherfucker. Even though Brutus wrote the Akon article. I’m still not sure about him. Hm. Wonder if he’s gay?

Dead soldier
Look at these dead and faggot soldiers. I bet he got his little dick blown off by an IED planted in a child's vagina. lol we're fighting three wars, and two in space.

And that’s why the chronicle sucks and I’m outta here. And I’m never coming back.

[comes back]

PSN credit card database compromised

Two days after shutting down PSN, Sony admitted to an event they described as an “external intrusion.” A million rape jokes and three days later, Sony will not come clean about what this means for the millions of customers who have their credit card information stored on PSN. There is no way for Sony to confirm that their customers’ credit card information is safe. As per usual, Sony has remained silent in hopes that this will be forgotten. Anonymous does not forget.

Anonymous has been very clear that it is in no way responsible for the most recent attacks on Sony. However, Anonymous takes responsibility for forcing Sony to reveal that the security of PSN was compromised. Anonymous shed the shackles of the Low Orbit Ion Cannon by using their voice to convince otherwise indifferent masses into asking Sony the right questions at the right time. Sony has failed their customers in a more profound way than when they sued GeoHotz.

It is true that Sony could have profited by shutting down its servers at a time when they knew Anonymous would take the blame. Now that Sony has admitted this isn’t the case, the consumers must ask what this means to their individual security. If I had made the mistake of giving Playstation Network my credit card information, I would be maxing the fucker out. Beats the shit out of paying for someone else’s hookers!

Anonymous may have spoiled gaming for a  day with the Low Orbit Ion Cannon and then made a fool of themselves with a Facebook Event that went south. But on the other hand, Sony has spoiled gaming for 5 days and accidentally dropped the credit card dox on all their own customers.

Anonymous humiliated

"I really thought we had them, this time..."

Yesterday over 3,000 members of Anonymous showed up in Sony retail outlets around the world. Their stated intent was to raise awareness about how they could not run Linux on a Playstation, a feature Sony has removed due to problems with piracy. Their complaint only helped salesman bring attention to new features in Sony products. Meanwhile, customers mocked and teased “Anons” so deeply that the shame even penetrated their wicked Guy Fawkes masks from V for Vendetta. These “boycotts” were a free publicity gift from Anonymous to Sony that actually increased sales.

This is part of a disturbing new trend for Anonymous, which seems to be increasingly ready to self-destruct all over the wrong targets. After siding with the freedom of speech during the WikiLeaks cablegate crisis, Anonymous has been unable to find an equally righteous cause. Sony has done no wrong that their customers can even understand. Failing to see this fact time and time again, the “hyper-conscious” Anonymous has acted out their own “We do not forgive” mantra until it’s turned into real-life public humiliation.

Completely unable to recognize the views of the outside world, the ever more cult-like Anonymous is left to grapple with its internal power structures. The respect that leaders within “Operation” Payback gained from attacking Mastercard, Paypal, and Visa in defense of Julian Assange has been used to turn a one-off “operation” into several months of humiliating failures. The creators of “Operation” Payback are simply choosing targets to keep their peons interested. As Anonymous continues to claim that they have no leaders, the world wonders why they’re acting like they do. The leaders of “Operation” Payback are coercing actions out of Anonymous.

Anonymous claims to be self-critical and self-correcting. Anonymous claims to have no leadership. Yet any criticism of leadership within Anonymous leads to excommunication. They will say “it cannot possibly happen, because we are anarchic.” This naive idea is encoded into the culture. To criticize the individuals who do clearly lead will often result in Anons making the equivalent of an argument for divine right. They have taken the reins of Anarchy, so they deserve their power. Quite wrongly, Anons often refer to this idea as meritocracy.

Another tactic to deflect attention from the growth of the cult leader class are the “democratic” mechanisms within Anonymous. Anyone who has witnessed a vote in action can not help but wonder: How is it that a group of around fifty voters represents the hundreds or thousands that it takes to carry out protests and attacks? It is fairly obvious that the cult leaders of Anonymous use democracy only as a show to maintain a positive identity.

Anonymous isn’t anarchy.

Anonymous isn’t meritocracy.

Anonymous isn’t democracy.

Anonymous is cult.

A million people refuse to pump gas on April 15th

…And the other 310 million people don’t even care, because boycotting gasoline for a single day is like trying not to take a shit for a day. You’ll just do it tomorrow.

“But, by boycotting gas on April 15th, we’re sending the big oil companies a message!”

Demand isn’t affected if you still use the same amount of gas as usual. Through what warped version of reality is that even considered a boycott? Sure, if any group of people refused to use gasoline for a day, that would reduce demand, because they’ve reduced their consumption habits. But simply changing the timing of your purchase is not a boycott at all.

The faux-boycott’s only logical source is the oil companies themselves. This April 15th “boycott” was set up as a publicity trick by oil companies. It is well known that when the weather turns nicer, demand for gas goes down. People can ride their bikes to work and enjoy it. On top of that, people who do drive are getting better mileage because they aren’t using heat or air conditioning. Right now, oil prices have reached a peak. The faux-boycott gives the people who are angriest about the high prices an outlet to vent their frustrations and feel self-righteous without hurting the oil companies. When the prices inevitably fall, the people who participated in the “boycott” will feel justified, as if it was actually their own actions that caused the fall in price.

The oil companies are rich enough to afford social engineers that keep the human herd content with their prices. This faux-boycott has been employed many times and will probably resurface many more. In fact, even Anonymous is trig enough to use it on Sony. Since attacking PSN causes Anonymous to lose all support, they’ve turned to the same strategy of the oil companies. Hilariously, their “boycott” of Sony will occur on April 16th, the day after the biggest gas “boycott” in history. Since no one really cares about Sony, only a few thousand people are participating in this secondary faux-boycott.

Online Gamers Constitute 90 Percent of World's Racists

If you’re like many folks, and you believe that because Barack Obama is the President there is no racism, The Elf Wax Times has news for you!

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Most Americans think we’ve “outgrown” racism or that there’s no place for it. “Racism went out with slavery, at the same time or maybe before,” said Elf Wax Staff Historian Grit Banks. However, online personal attack debates continue on the PlayStation(TM) Network(ALL RIGHTS RESERVED).

“I don’t hate all Black People,” said one gamer who asked to remain anonymous. “I just hate the ones who act black.” Indeed, there’s nothing more satisfying than a night of intense, but rewarding gaming only to be the final kill, followed up by “Shit son, your bitch-ass got dapped, PECKAWOOD!”

Racists are like pretty bad. But eRacism is a widely accepted forum for Hate favored by racists on all sides of the equation, giving credibility to the idea self-critical human history has long regarded as barbaric. In addition, reports can be filed on these gamers directly to Sony, giving the Hatemongers an extra special title for achieving what was once thought impossible: the Offense! title is granted to any player who successfully offends or verbally assaults a gamer into reporting him.

Crosstika
Coveted Emblem from genocide simulator Modern Warfare 2

“It’s a highly sought-after symbol of Hate,” said gamer [KKK]String__em__up, “Surpassing the power of the inverted crucifix and even the Swastika.” This effect is achieved by combining an animation of the two.

While online gamers number in the millions, actual racists account merely for a small percentage, roughly sixty five percent.

As a solution for the ongoing crisis of eRacism, Sony executives are hitting at the implementation of possible eLynchings. The service would be free, but only as long as the victim “really deserved it.”

“I’m gonna use it on one a them towelheads that hate our Freedom,” said one patriotic American who asked not to be named.

It’s thought by some that eRacists, along with Internet Tough Guys, are “all talk” and “got no bark to match the bite.” However eRacists, when provoked, never back down from an eChallenge and will cuss you out to the better end, proving their strength.

Only time will tell whether the eLynchings will produce favorable results. In the meantime, only headshots do the talking.

eLynch now with your friends!