The delusions of Anonymous and Occupy Wall Street

The Occupy movement has successfully shifted the public’s attention to the corrupt influence of corporations over American government. At the same time, it has pushed the limits of free speech about as far as local governments will allow. In many cases the protesters have forced confrontations with police, highlighting every egregious use of force with the aid of youtube in a way that is both profoundly important and at the same time incredibly annoying. Each arrest is met with jeers from protesters who apparently don’t understand that being arrested is a part of civil disobedience. It seems they do not believe that their symbolic encampments are, while inspiring, almost always illegal. This kind of thinking is completely removed from reality, but that can apparently be fixed by using the incredibly creepy human microphone to repeat passages from the constitution as each protester is arrested.

A similar kind of activist dissonance is even more egregious and disturbing within the Anonymous subculture, which claims responsibility for organizing the Occupations and the Arab spring. In response to the financial blockade of WikiLeaks, a sickening product of extralegal pressure from government, Anonymous successfully perpetrated a string of high profile denial of service attacks. The comparison between denial of service and the sit-ins of the civil rights era has been made repeatedly by Anonymous and its supporters, but no comparison could be more nauseating. In the bizarre world of AnonOps IRC, the arena where these attacks were coordinated, a pervasive and infectious paranoia was evident in the constant discussions on how to best remain anonymous and completely unaccountable for the “cyberactivism” that was taking place. Not only did these “activists” take every precaution possible to avoid identification, but the laws which were broken are actually in place to ensure the freedom of speech and integrity of the internet. Anonymous may have worked for a noble cause, but the means were more akin to those of the masked Klu Klux Klan than those of civil rights activists. Thankfully, AnonOps no longer coordinates denial of service attacks.

It is worth noting that most Anons are probably not supporters of this kind of wholly destructive action. Anons are generally just young people, enjoying internet culture and not participating in much more than internet memes and occasional trolling raids. As in previous countercultures like the Punks and Hippies, what truly defines Anonymous is opposition to all that is sanitized and corporate and not the actions of whatever small group gains the most notoriety. That’s pretty much true of the Occupiers as well. Both these movements have self-organized, and as each is set in direct opposition to corporations, both naturally mimic corporate structure. It is helpful to think of groups of Occupiers or Anons as franchises acting independently of one another and beholden only to the three ring binder of cultural norms, which if broken will result in revocation of franchise status. This is a rare event, but Presstorm was an ideal example. Presstorm was a group of mostly Anon supporters acting as a media outlet covering issues mostly of interest to Anons. The editor-in-chief published a long editorial sharply criticizing Occupy Wall Street and over night Presstorm was disenfranchised, disavowed, and under denial of service attacks.

Although there does appear to be an informal kind of accountability for extreme cases like Presstorm, this is really where the franchise analogy breaks down. There are no headquarters for Anonymous or Occupy and no central organization to keep out the insane and destructive. In lieu of any unifying authority holding these movements in line and on message, there’s a few powerful labels that are used liberally to fix any inconsistencies. Should someone make outrageous comments, vandalize, or engage in any other deviant behavior, he or she is immediately deemed an infiltrator and associated with whatever enemy is most convenient. While it’s true that agent provocateurs have been used and are still used to discredit popular movements, the hysterical overuse of this point by Occupiers is laughable. With regards to AnonOps IRC and its media front end, AnonNews, one particular publication understood this mechanism and hit the nail on the head.

As it stands, both Anonymous and Occupy have won over supporters, gained media attention, and forced discussion of their issues upon the general public. Both have been fraught with negative press because of the not-so-peaceful nature of their confrontation with authorities, while at the same time highlighting a few major issues of public interest. Non-lethal violence against Occupy protesters is often shocking, as exemplified by the UC Davis pepper spray incident, Scott Olsen, and Tony Bologna. As for Anonymous, sometimes the bad boy hackers actually root out important facts. Private security contractors are using social media to manipulate people in conflict zones, as revealed by the Anonymous attack on HBGary. No one would know about it if it wasn’t for Anonymous. But are these things going to actually make a change for the better? Realistically, both of these movements are playing a zero sum game or worse, winning a few small victories at great expense to their cause.

Anonymous and Occupy aren’t situated on terra firma. In their dogma, the ultimate goal is to eliminate corporate and government structures in society and replace them with the same decentralized organization in which they are situated. In this utopian vision, perhaps legitimate authority will only take the shape of denial of service attacks and infiltrator witch hunts. This particular brand of magical thinking, in which the ongoing peaceful “revolution” will overthrow all existing power structures, is probably a symptom of the young and idealistic who are not yet willing to bend to reality.

The tragedy is that revolution, and not reform, is all that Occupy and Anonymous will accept. Running politicians (But not Michael Moore?) out of the encampments is a fun sport for the Occupiers, and harassing politicians and businessmen with crank phone calls is former Anonymous spokesperson Barrett Brown’s favorite hobby. I don’t think either movement is going to accept the cold reality that reform is the best thing they can hope for. Symbolic tent cities aren’t going to cause a revolution. Denial of service and harassment is worse. The people who want change need to work in a positive way with those in power, but the powerful who have tried to reach out to Occupiers have received only vitriol and hate. Anonymous and the Occupiers have fantasies of a better world, but the scumfucking Tea Party’s plans are already in motion.

The definitive guide to trolling the Tea Party

Trolling such hardened trolls as the Tea Party is one of the most difficult of trolls and has even been called “impossible” by some. However, Chronicle.SU has found the exploit and is gracious enough to share it with you. Some of these tactics have been adopted from Grady Warren, master troll and scam artist. Chronicle.SU has honed his method into a more subversive and powerful edge, which can certainly be polished further by the internet community at large.

Trolling Method:

  1. Begin with glittering pro American rhetoric that does nothing but praise the homeland. Use Sarah Palin’s speeches as a reference for super-effective catchphrases. Do not leave the slightest hint of sarcasm here! You must love America! Make the best possible use of American imagery.
  2. Avoid mentioning the Tea Party by name. Any attacks on the holy name of the Tea Party will be instantly deflected by deep love for the “savior” of America. Instead, attack individuals. Attack any places that Tea Party members congregate. Avoid saying questionable things about anything that falls under the sacred banner of the Tea Party.
  3. Tea Party members are largely illiterate, so video or audio is the preferable medium. Make the most creative use of any audio or video site where you think Tea Party members are likely to congregate. Radio shows like Sean Hannity are especially troll-proof, but I have heard at least one good troll get through and PWN the fuck out of Hannity. It isn’t impossible with the right plan. Open lines Friday gives the most leeway for trolling. This type of radio show absolutely loves to hear from young conservatives.
  4. Troll on the right platform! A video on LiveLeak will go a lot farther to troll Tea Party members than a video on YouTube. Anything that is used by young people is completely useless for trolling the Tea Party.
  5. The Tea Party wishes that more young people and minorities were involved in their movement. It helps their poor image as a bunch of old racists. Use your status as a young person or minority for leverage when developing your Troll. This will go a long way towards success.
  6. Keep your target audience in mind. They are old people who are afraid of everything except never ending war.
  7. Keep the heart of your troll mild and undetectable. If that is not your style, save the outlandish statements for the end. Always have the response you want in mind, and be an effective troll. Practice trolling on 4chan if you’ve never trolled before. Take notes from successful trolls. There is nothing sadder than a complete n00b desperately trying to troll the Tea Party. Don’t give up if you don’t get it right the first time. The Tea Party is the hardest troll out there.

Here is an example of the super-rare Tea Party troll as successfully carried out by the glorious Chronicle.SU.

A message to “LiveLeak”

 

Grady Warren in 2012

Grady Warren
Grady Warren

It is our great pleasure to introduce to you the official Chronicle.SU endorsement of Grady Warren for President of the United States of America in 2012!

Grady Warren, Florida Community College alumnus, is a Sporting Goods Professional living in Jacksonville, Fla. and is a member of the American Tea Party.

 

 
Why Grady Warren?

  • He wants to deny all minorities the right to vote. Everybody knows that it takes a majority vote to win, so why should minorities vote?
  • He wants to send blacks to re-education camps to learn how to become Americans. This is an important step in national politics because it is no secret that nearly every American inner-city is jam-packed full of black people. Most of them have probably never even been camping!
  • We agree with Warren that blacks are an issue, even here at the Chronicle. For example, you have probably noticed that our site is overrun by multiple shades of black. Thankfully, the reason we type so much is to get all the white onscreen as we possibly can.
  • Warren seeks deportation based on religion, specifically of Muslims. Groundbreaking! We really wish he wanted to deport all religions, but we consider this a valid compromise; because, if we can at least open up discussion on the deportation of one religion, Islam, maybe down the road Americans will be more open to deporting other religions like Christianity and Buddhism.
  • He believes it’s not racist to love Christmas. With this statement, we agree on every level because Jesus was black.

Finally, Warren dares to ask the question, “Is it racist to love Sarah Palin, because she’s the female version of Ronald Reagan and to millions of men, she is their fantasy wife?”

The female version of Ronald Reagan
Fantasy wife of millions of men, including the honorable and infallible Grady Warren.

“Sarah is all about what’s great in America.”

“This guy is an important ideological leader.”
-Tyler Bass
Washington insider, Chronicle.SU correspondent

Support Grady Warren

Old Brutus does Grady Warren

Why the "Tea Party Nation" is Completely Irrelevant

Here, we see our founding fathers dressed in racially insensitive mock-native garb. The crowds cheer on as they waste perfectly good tea. In America, we drink coffee.

The discussion at Tea Party Nation’s forum is so controlled by hateful moderators that there is in fact no discussion at all. This is why the “forum” is in fact closed to the public. “Forum” is a poor excuse for a Judson Phillips’ personal social media outlet. Sure, the vestiges of a fair forum are retained, and quickly buried by Judson Phillips. It is by design. Judson Phillips has a team that churns out a large quantity of vapid and incredibly short messages meant to keep the Tea Party updated on how to think about every single issue.

The recent attacks by Anonymous induced a war of lies between the two entities similar to the Westboro Baptist situation. It will never be clear who initiated the media shitstorm. All that is known is that both Judson Phillips and Anonymous have been benefited with free publicity out of the new internet hate-machines that are built to pit themselves against one another covertly and without repercussion.

Usually I disagree when Anonymous takes actions against such irrelevant groups, but this time I feel quite satisfied. Too long has the Tea Party condescended the world with their self righteous version of common sense. In their mind, they have divine consent to rule. This is the kind of common sense that condones and actively creates death and slavery. I will stoop to the level of Anonymous. Fuck Tea Party Nation. No one cares except your little cult.

The cowards on the forum immediately report any idea that is in disharmony with Judson Phillips’ brilliant messages. They are tattle tales. He has a small book of slogans and a team that applies it to events in real-time. Tea Party Nation is a brainwashing outfit. They cater to fringe elements of society who are fanatically resistant to our President. Their core platform is the belief in conspiracy theories. They close their forums to hide it from the world, and immediately kick anyone who disagrees in the slightest.

One day, the Tea Party dreams of a Berlin Wall across the Mexican Border with armed guards. However, the party is just politically correct enough to hold back from dressing up like Mexicans and burning down buildings that were built by Illegal Immigrants. Racial epithets, however, they are NOT above.

Tea Party Nation is a humble grassroots endeavor. At it’s founding fundraiser party, 600 supporters showed up. This doesn’t quite compare to the marches on the Capitol building in Madison, but the activists at Tea Party Nation paid $549 to attend a speech by Sarah Palin that cost the Tea Party $100,000. There is plenty of money to throw around for the Tea Partiers. Although the event was untaped and held in secret, an informant from Anonymous has provided proof that Palin actually stopped speaking twice in mid-speech to have txt fights with her daughter.

This is indicative of a man who believes that only property owners should be allowed to vote. Am I surprised that I was censored by someone who doesn’t believe I should be able to vote? Of course not. Judson Phillips is an enemy of Democracy and he even says so in the most explicit terms possible. This is why Tea Party Nation is irrelevant: Chronicle.SU gets more traffic. He has thrown away his fortune for a vile ignored little corner of the internet that only affects seething rageheads. Tea Party Nation is a hatemagnet. “Tea Party Nation,” FAIL.

Tea Party Nation exercises fascist control of information

Tea Party Nation was recently raided by Anonymous and thousands of Tea Party Cultists found themselves viewing NSFW porn and gore. Since then, their “Forum,” which actually consists entirely of threads by Judson Phillips, has clamped down on the free expression of outsiders.

Listed specifically as satire and entirely relevant to the conversation, links to Chronicle.SU led to the banning of Kilgore Trout from Tea Party Nation’s fascist forum. No abuse took place on the part of Trout.

Free Speech is not one of the platforms of the Tea Party. The Tea Party has been known to side with Chronicle.SU in criticizing the Left’s attacks on free speech, but their anti-satire stance has rewarded Tea Party Nation moderators with the honorary title of Hypocrites.

The Tea Party Nation’s behavior is nothing short of Fascism. Invoking the threat of Anonymous was all it took for the moderators to seize complete control over all ideas that are put forth on their “Forum.” The fact that nearly 99% of threads are written by the founder of Tea Party Nation speaks for itself~Kilgore Trout

The Only True Conspiracy Theory

America now sees what the businessmen who financed the Tea Party intended: Dressed in powdered wigs and wearing red makeup that is actually gore, the Tea Party is shoveling babies into the ocean with pitchforks. Meanwhile, Hillary Clinton is gagging Lady Liberty with her gigantic strap-on while trying to save face by praising Al-Jazeera and Internet Freedom. Not only that, but the orchestra masters behind all this have invented some wacky ideas about 9/11 just to throw you off their trail. Why else would 9/11 theories be aired constantly on the “History” channel?

The Fascist plot for dominating America is now quite clear. The super rich have found the most extreme elements of the Republican Party and have created an Ultra-Nationalist cult promising Utopia. Their colluding counterparts on the Left have made a move to destroy the freedom of the press. They are in the midst of creating an information crisis that will be used to destroy all that is good about the internet. An overarching conspiracy by mega-rich Oligarchs who pull the strings is not just apparent, but glaringly and painfully obvious.

The Tea Party cult worships our founding fathers, mythical men who heroically wasted tea while badly costumed as Indians. They’ve been convinced by conniving liars that one day if they all work hard enough, America will still be the richest nation in the world and all the Mexicans will be gone. Well, to be fair, even the original Tea Party was a bunch of racists.

The Tea Party, these cult members, have been bused all over America to protest everything Barack Hussein Obama has done to hurt big business. The television airs the people waving signs, screaming out the trigger phrases, sending weak minds into conniptions of fear and hate followed by selfish pride and contempt. Off camera, among themselves, they foam at the mouth with racial epithets and theories about where Hussein was really born and the missing time when he secretly took his pilgrimage to Mecca.

Using this protest-propaganda hybrid, the ultra rich have planted puppets in many State Governments and are now doing loss management to help keep corporate profits increasing. The puppet Governors have created a false budget crisis. They repeat the bald lie that increasing taxes on corporations and the mega rich could only exacerbate economic problems. Such a lie is so base and ultimately pernicious that Tea Party government is in breach of its social contract. According to our founding fathers, this requires revolutionary action.

Wisconsin has denied collective bargaining rights to teachers and the Governor of Michigan has granted himself Hitler-like emergency powers to do whatever the fuck he wants. Hitler will fire elected officials and disband unions. Similar things are happening everywhere that the Tea Party has taken hold. Even the NFL is in the grips of this anti-union conspiracy.

But do not forget that this is not a conspiracy by a single party. Both the Republican and Democratic sides are being used by the mega rich Oligarchs to destroy American Liberty. Hillary Clinton uses her forked tongue to criminalize investigative journalism while praising the benefits of Internet Freedom. WikiLeaks and the script kiddies of Anonymous have been demonized by traditional left leaning media. These investigative journalists and activists of cyberspace have become too powerful too soon. The Hegemony is working on manufacturing a large enough crisis so that they can crack down and do as much damage to free speech as possible.

Obama should be the most ashamed man on the face of the Earth. Right now he is sitting in his testicle shaped office gently stroking his hard-won Nobel Peace Prize and trying to forget about all the death he owns in Afghanistan. He reminisces on when he authorized the torture of Bradley Manning in Quantico but doesn’t recall any promise to shut down Gitmo. The golden relief of Alfred Nobel stares back indifferently. By now, the world knows who made sure Obama won the prize. It’s a “nuke the world with impunity” badge. Obama is licensed to genocide.

The safeguards provided by the Constitution for the right to protest and the right to free press have been trampled upon by both the Right and the Left. They will crack down in Wisconsin and the protests will only grow exponentially. America will respond to its people like Libya did. The United States government has failed to preempt the effect of the internet and are now forced into a reactionary stance that is bound to fail.The Tea Party will be buried under the throngs of true protesters demanding liberty instead of politics. They will elect no more tyrants. Information will outlive Bradley Manning and Julian Assange.

America will renew its social contract with government by force if necessary!