Dox Fly in Wicked Clown Hacker Battle

Dox fly as Wicked Clown Hackers caught in shocking feud!
Dox fly as Wicked Clown Hackers caught in shocking feud!

INTERNET — Dox flew, Monday evening, as Wicked Clown hacker ShadowDXS found himself in an Internet feud against fellow Juggalo hacker “th3j35t3r.” ShadowDXS, known for elite smartphone interfaces, lambasted self-proclaimed patriot th3j35t3r (hacker speak for “The Jester”).

The Jester’s laptop — emblazoned with the ‘hatchet man’ logo of Insane Clown Posse — is on display at the the Spy Museum in Washington D.C. The Jester used this laptop to shut down terrorist web sites, saving countless American lives.

Many outside of the Juggalo family stigmatize and devalue the Faygo-drinking subculture – including the FBI – who recently declared Juggalos a “gang.” However, expert and cultural anthropolgist Dr. Angstrom H. Troubador, who has lived with Juggalos for years, studying their habits and mimicking their behaviors, dismissed the “dumb juggalo” stereotype. “I’ve met Juggalos who are doctors, businessmen, CEO’s of major corporations,” Troubadour explained. “Met a rocket scientist at the gathering last year! Woop Woop! So it doesn’t surprise me at all that Juggalos are some of the world’s most elite and skilled hackers.”

What both parties refuse to acknowledge, however, is that none of this shit matters.

Hacker feuds such as the one between ShadowDXS and The Jester often lead to the posting of supposed “dox” or information on the hidden secret identity of the hacker. Monday evening’s feud is no different. The Jester publicly announced the new home address and significant other to ShadowDXS, at which point Shadow alluded to the supposed weaknesses of Jester’s SSH keys.

According to Erica Moorehead, chief editor of Juggalette (a juggalo magazine for women), it is fabled that “Anonymous” got the idea to cover their faces with masks from the Insane Clown Posse.

“Both groups maintain anti-establishment personas while advancing pro-Christian agendas,” Moorehead said. “Both groups carry the burden of many public failures, yet they are adored by the masses. Many juggalos say they feel persecuted. Most hackers agree there is a system of persecution in place, designed to destroy them from the inside out. In short, there is a lot of intersectionality between Anonymous and Juggalo culture.”

Moorehead added, “Many hackers fail to respect basic tenets of life in a society – discounting the virtues of interpersonal interaction, common decency and even bathing. It is the system holding them back,” she said, “because they don’t respect the system, and it seems some of them can find that anchor in The Family.”

Hide From Yourself In One of Nine Beautiful Hong Kong Locations

Political Asylum Hong Kong Hidey Hole
Slowly accept the inevitable in a plush Lebal Drocer suite.

You are God.

You control the world, the grass, dirt and the Heavens. You spin the galaxies, and drive them apart with an as-yet-unexplained force known only to men as “dark matter.”

Managing creation can tucker out even the most vengeful of Gods, so spend your 7th day at Hong Kong’s famous Wealthy Political Asylum Getaway – a modern-day hacker’s paradise complete with VPNs and a direct line to Xi Jinping for disclosing national secrets as soon as they’re discovered.

The Wealthy Political Asylum Getaway has serviced such legendary political dissidents as Vic LivingstonCommander X, th3j35t3r, John Tiessen and media darling Edward Snowden.

Tired Gods of this world need a place to hide away, collect themselves, and distribute child porn.

The NSA knows where you stay. Do you think you can get out in time?

This message has been brought to you generously by Lebal Drocer, Inc. We own Wealthy Political Asylum Getaway Hotel Resorts & Casinos, and have used our monetary power to gain access to private information, your most sacred data, things you thought we would never know about, and we did it all – thanks to our friends at the NSA – just for you. Because we care. That’s the Lebal Drocer Promise™.

Tom Ryan Spearheads Cyberwar on the DPRK

cocks
Under Armor Spokesman, @th3j35t3r Attacks North Korea

Under the moniker @th3j35t3r, a little-known Twitter account, Tom Ryan of Provide Security is currently gearing up for cyber war with North Korea, Anonymous in tow.

After a series of test runs against mom-and-pop DPRK websites, we see Tom Ryan, aka John Tiessen, as possessing the ability to completely cripple the entire infrastructure of North Korea’s Internets. While working with OWASP on Web app exploitation, in the mid ’90’s Ryan developed — with the help of a DARPA contract and Adrian Lamo —  a tool known only as XerXes, which sends “packets” to a given “serve,”, causing it to go offline temporarily. Some say it was also developed to really annoy Ron Brynaert.

This method, while not new, is very new and effective. The source code of XerXes has been hidden from the world for over two decades and far surpasses everything from WinNuke to LOIC/HOIC.

So is this a military operation? Is this what the NSA has been planning for years, General Keith Alexander at the helm? Or is this just a completely superfluous news article about something so utterly boring no one is reading?

We asked #hatesec’s Chairman of the Board Kevin Eubanks for comment, but all we got were some fucking lame jazz fusion licks instead.

Meet the Craziest “Leader” of Anonymous, John Tiessen

John Tiessen repeatedly accused my favorite literary character, Kurt Vonnegut’s Kilgore Trout, of child molestation. Mr. Tiessen also made overt threats of physical violence and nuisance litigation (accompanied by veiled threats of violence in the courthouse) towards this fictional character, whom I love, so I made this video with Mr. Tiessen’s “greatest hits.”

In one of these threat-laden pedo-accusation videos targeting Kilgore Trout, Mr. Tiessen received news of his uncle’s death. His telephone ringer was a police siren, and after a short eulogy, he returned to the overt threats and Kilgore Trout pedophilia-talk.

John Tiessen worshipped Barrett Brown and emulated his bathtub Tinychat wine session, substituting a glass of orange juice for Brown’s red wine. Immediately following the arrest of Barrett Brown, Tiessen threatened the CIA, FBI and DHS in a sweeping rebuke of authorities who are all afraid of the “big ol’ surprise [he] got waitin’ for ye.” Brown was arrested for threatening an FBI agent’s children on September 11.

The Anti-Leader’s handbook is a satirical work of fiction I authored parodying the type of people who like to preach to Anonymous.

I’ve received a lot of strange responses to this work, some more horrifying than others, but John Tiessen’s psychosis was definitely the most chilling. I made an agreement with John to end these kinds of activities, and months later he posted a defamatory comment to this glorious and infallible publication attacking the ethical hacking professor Sam Bowne — recently interviewed by my co-editor-in-chief Tyler Bass — with pedophilia accusations, simply because he disagreed with Bowne’s logical, cool-headed critique of Anonymous.

John Tiessen rose to fame within Anonymous by slandering the conservative “ex-military” hacker th3j35t3r, a “patriot” who temporarily shuts down violent Jihadist forums.

The Anti-Leader’s handbook can ONLY be found hosted on the gloriously advanced quantum servers in The Extant Soviet Union of Remnant States (ESURS).

Rick Astley battles accusations of child molestation

Rick Astley
The pop singer of internet stardom has been accused of molesting children.

Astley to give it up?

INTERNET – Rick Astley battles fresh accusations of child molestation, which surfaced Monday on YouTube.

Accusers arrived in full force, leaving graphic remarks surrounding the wretched details of his case.

News broke around 2 a.m. EST after events came to light. Stay tuned, and refresh: we will update this story as details come to light.

Rhode Island State Representative Dan Gordon’s cell phone hacked

Representative Dan Gordon's dog photos have been liberated. Transparency for all.

Lone-wolf astroturf hacktivist th3j35t3r recently placed a malicious QR code as his avatar. This image, once scanned by a smart phone, forwarded users to a web site designed to exploit a vulnerability in the Android operating system. Th3j35t3r gained backdoor access to hundreds and possibly thousands of his followers’ cell phones. Among those hacked was Rhode Island State Representative Dan Gordon who is known for his controversial support of Anonymous, lies about his service in the military, and a criminal record which was not disclosed at any point during his campaign. Gordon, a Republican, has already been completely ostracized by his own party, and this invasive attack from America’s most prominent vigilante conservative hacker is more salt in the wound.

Representative Gordon has been criticized for allegedly soliciting Anonymous for hacks, lashing out with abusive language, and quickly deleting tweets when confronted. He has not faced charges under Stolen Valor even though the claim he was injured in Iraq has been refuted by military documents. Gordon has accused his detractors of manufacturing some of the allegedly deleted messages and says he does not have the resources to sue reporters who he alleges have lied about his military service.

After winning his election, Representative Gordon was arrested under charges filed several years earlier in Massachusetts which were also not disclosed during his campaign. Continuous abusive language, even targeting a local high-school sexuality awareness group, led to Gordon’s de facto expulsion from the Republican Party. Since then, he has swung wildly to the left, associating with anarchist cyberwarriors and computer hackers.

Sabu: Fall From Grace

[10:16:53 PM] Frank Mason:

The biggest named hacker in the world right now used to endorse chronicle.su until we found out he’s working for the FBI. Then he decided he hates us. He wrote nasty stuff about us. Nobody believed us when we warned them he’s working with the government. About three days ago, news hit that Sabu is the biggest snitch in online criminal history, revealing that Hector Xavier Monsegur, his true identity, has been working from within FBI offices since early August of last year.
We were right, before anyone else was.

How I got close to Sabu [and sniffed him out]

I was close friends with Sabu and he had not yet learned to distrust the lethal journo-satirist combo that I turned out to be, so our friendship began something like this:

2011-07-26 @ANONYMOUSABU

July 5, 2011 3:45 p.m. EST
I often lurk as Gacy but changed my name so Sabu could identify me.

Gacy: Hey Sabu
Sabu: hi
Hatefiend: I write for Chronicle.SU
Hatefiend: I don’t want to see you put away. The A-team bullshit, though.
Sabu: theres no need to worry mate, I’m nto being out away
Sabu: all that dox and info is failed/incorrect/or disinfo
Sabu: btw thanks for those articles they’ve been great :)
Hatefiend: That’s a relief, like you don’t even know.
Hatefiend: And thank you, it’s a huge compliment coming from you.
Sabu: no problem
Sabu: if theres anything I can do to help Chronicle.SU by all means take advantage now mate
Sabu: cause at this point hal of the worlds agencies are after me
Sabu: dont be surprised if you see interpol.int warrants on me
Sabu: half*
Sabu: haha
Sabu: I feel like I’m sounded a bit overzealous but sadly its the truth
Sabu: .win 285
Hatefiend: You gave me hope where there was none before.
Sabu: thanks mate. and you’re giving me more motivation
Hatefiend: If people carry this trend forward, then you’ll always live on. I hope you have a good-looking face, because I am afraid it’s only a matter of time before it becomes associated with the movement.
Sabu: indeed. I’m handsome methinks don’t worry about that. I’ll make sure to stash a top hat in my house in case I am raided
Sabu: and if media is there
Sabu: I’ll come out with class
Sabu: :D
Hatefiend: What could you possibly do for the Chronicle.SU?
Sabu: not sure, wear a chronicle.su shirt while I get raided?
Sabu: so its all over the news
Sabu: and all you see is CHRONICLE.SU and my handsome ass in a tophat and a pair of boxers
Sabu: I’ll be put into a fucking mental asylum honestly
Hatefiend: lol’d
Sabu: not sure man just let me know if there is anything I can do
Hatefiend: I remember back when you guys were taking hack requests, I had a really good one in mind but now I can’t remember it.
Hatefiend: Maybe we could do an interview soon?
Hatefiend: Like, about your daily life
Hatefiend: who you respect
Hatefiend: stuff like that
Hatefiend: The guy who makes our t-shirts said he’d try to work something out with you.

Tyler Bass of chronicle.su obtained the world’s very first interview with LulzSec.

LulzSec uniquely inspired many creative individuals, such as ourselves, to tap into our roots and what makes us laugh. It was all about the lulz.

SABU-KICKER
This is a kicker image used to introduce an article. Hugo Carvalho was incorrectly identified as Sabu July 13, 2011. Click the picture for the relevant, but incorrect story.

July 27, 2011

Topiary of LulzSec fame is one of the first people to take the fall under sabu’s tyranny. If you know the whole story, you might think it’s a bit early in the game to make that call, but perhaps you forgot you’re reading the fucking chronicle.su and need to be reminded that not only are we funny, lovable guys, but we’re also way smarter than you.

Sabu happily accepted any conspiracy theory regarding Topiary I could invent on his behalf, as he deflected accusations of his own:

July 26, 2011 4:42 a.m. EST

Hatefiend: how ya been man
Sabu: I’ve been good mate
Sabu: and you?
Hatefiend: recovering from a collapsed lung.
Hatefiend: it might’ve recollapsed tonight. I’m gonna wait it out
Sabu: you serious man?
Sabu: I’m sorry to hear that
Hatefiend: yep. this is old brutus btw. thanks broseph
Sabu: I hope you recover soon
Hatefiend: i appreciate it
Sabu: you sounded good on the radio wtf you’re a pro
Hatefiend: me too
Hatefiend: thanks, but I pause quite a bit for a “pro”
Sabu: haha
Sabu: been reading the site. you guys are doing great
Sabu: honestly you’re literally something we need for #voice project
Hatefiend: well we’re just doing what we do, man.
Hatefiend: I appreciate your compliments
Sabu: ;)
Hatefiend: that drunk bitch in washington, melissa hopkins, actually thought my interview with topiary was real
Hatefiend: asking why it didn’t go mainstream
Sabu: ROFL
Sabu: I know man
Sabu: people are slow
Sabu: I had literally
Sabu: like
Sabu: 20 tweets and 50 messages here
Sabu: OMFG IS IT TRUE
Sabu: no..
Hatefiend: looool
Hatefiend: that’s great
Sabu: I should have said yes
Hatefiend: it couldn’t hurt, dude. he’s been quiet from his personal account so it would’ve fit the conspiracy
Hatefiend: well shit I am gonna probably actually go to the hospital and get a chest x-ray now. It’s getting painful
Sabu: ok brother
Sabu: good luck and becareful
Sabu: let me know how it goes when you get back
Hatefiend: thanks. i keeps it real. catch you later man. I’ll be in touch

July 26, 2011

Sabu loves chronicle.su - as long as we're preaching the party line
Sabu loved chronicle.su - as long as we echoed the party line he and the feds were preaching.

I spoke some meaningful words on behalf of our dear friend, Topiary:
[audio:http://chronicle.su/Vince%20in%20the%20Bay%20-%20Topiary%20Arrested.mp3|titles=Vince in the Bay – Topiary Arrested]

Sabu’s Twitter account fell silent for about one week while the feds processed him. As high profile as his disappearance was, rumors indicating Sabu had been caught with his pants down were readily dispelled with a lie about some dead grandmother of his who never existed.

[10:22:37 PM] Frank Mason:

He started offering sums of money to people out of nowhere, to hack this system, or that one.

6:17:22 PM virus: he gave me IPs, asked me to access their accounts with their IP and asked me to access their emails
6:17:25 PM virus: told me he would pay me
6:17:42 PM Sam Biddle: did you?
6:17:53 PM virus: no, I found that to be suspicious and declined

[10:23:06 PM] Frank Mason:

I joined him in IRC for a private chat, and his attitude toward me had shifted. I soon found myself perched safely on the outside of Sabu’s circle of trust. Because chronicle.su didn’t play the game Sabu wanted us to play, he disregarded all my further efforts to reach him.

Sabu’s attitude toward me shifted further as I began pressing him for details as to why he sucked my best buddy Topiary back into LulzSec after he knew the feds had a fix on him – but not before he publicly dodged my public line of questioning altogether:

[10:24:03 PM] Frank Mason:

Little did I know Sabu had already been at Kilgore Trout’s throat because Trout had just revealed Sabu’s role as a government informant:

Sabu butthurt
I don't see why he was so mad. Nobody believed us anyway.

[10:24:50 PM] Frank Mason:

Topiary was a good writer, and friend to chronicle.su. Better than Sabu. Sabu destroyed that young boy’s life, who was only out to have a bit of fun. When shit got heavy, Jake Davis stepped out because all Jake wanted to do was write satire and fuck with Murdoch, and play XBOX and read his science fiction. He didn’t want to be involved in this shit but Sabu lured him back in like a trapdoor spider, knowing full well the gravity of Topiary’s (Jake’s) situation, because Sabu was working for the feds. Jake is scheduled to enter his plea May 11.

As recently as last month, Sabu the Snitch [inappropriately] hung another, even younger boy, Charrie Wongz, out to dry:

Now it’s your turn, motherfucker.