The Verticle Fuzzy Peach Smile and The Wizard of the Internet

It was a dry day on the motherboard when Frosty, the malignant wizard of the west coast appeared with Magic: The Gathering cards of wisdom.

He opened his robe methodically revealing full frontal nudity to the Elves. He showed them there is no way other than his own, as he exposed his mechanical penis which unfurled into a tentacle hose and proceeded to fuck the nearest child-elf from where he stood.

Pneumatically, he pumped and surged his pulsating hentai-cock of hate into the elf as he realized its striking resemblance to himself. Actually, it was his daughter.

For Frosty hath fucked more than a handful of elves on a drunken night out, in the days of Elven Wax and cloven hooves which stamped upon the two-sided face of liberty under a downpour of alcohol, bile and piss. Yes, beneath many moons, he did rape religiously.

Tossing his daughter to the ground, Frosty was no longer thirsty for sexual assault.

He then proceeded to peddle worthless Magic cards to the bustling Elf community, among whom he is still revered to this day for his propensity to give away too many free cards, even in spite of his bottomless hunger for rape, which seemed to never end.

“Fwosty,” a small boy tugged at his robe. “Fwosty, won’t you sing fow us?”

Frosty was a magical singer but today he was in no mood. He handed him a Black Lotus without telling him it was fake. The boy was ecstatic and immediately went home to finger his sister in celebratory ecstasy.

Just at that moment, Frosty began to feel disgust with his life of trading card games and unabashed rape. His cock formed into a pistol and reeled out of his tan Big Lebowski robe to jam itself instinctively into his mouth. Being unlike any normal gun, Frosty the Wizard performed autofellatio in the town square for at least 45 minutes, before townsmen arrived, with the jesters and even the Elf King and Queen who all received news of a powerful wizard giving himself a blowjob, sucking what appeared to be a .45 calibur handgun.

He ejaculated a three-round burst of gunfire into his own brainstem and was promptly cleaned up by Waste Management, who exist on the Internet, too.

And the peasants rejoiced.

No comments yet to The Verticle Fuzzy Peach Smile and The Wizard of the Internet

  • lowercasefaggot

    internet faggots lulz

    • Geo Hotz

      The guy who had 3 comments in a row is labeling us internet faggots?
      Trout, Mogul, they’re making it too easy. It isn’t even fun anymore. I think we need to step it up and attract some more intelligent troll food.
      I need cake, nigga. Trolls can’t survive on tasteless tofu fags

  • Peter Collier

    i use my real info btw, don’t be a fucking hypocrite

  • Geo Hotz

    ember you are a douche. i do something once you do in nearly ALL your comments, and i need to grow uP? in the words of dick cheney: “go fuck yourself”

  • i love how cyber whore virgins call annyone intersted in something other than the photo copied bullshit that is the world we live in, a fanboy.
    your just as bad as the governemnt you mock, shitting on the “few” people that believe in what your saying (because your not really DOING anything are you)

    • Did we send a representative to your house asking you to come here? No, we didn’t. Did we spam you? Nope. Because we never wanted you to begin with. If you come here and don’t like it, and that is somehow considered to be “shitting” on you, then consider yourself flushed.

      We’re not the PlayStation Network. We’re free AND we stay online, and we even like having you here, sucking up bandwidth; but like the PSN, we aren’t going to pretend like you’re more important to us than you are.

      We’re not the government. We don’t pretend to care about you, and we don’t charge you to use this site.

      We’re not your friends. We’re not here to make you feel good about yourself.

      And yes, we make fun of you behind your back.

      • TRUMP>HOTZ $$2012$$ ur fired

        im making fun of you to your face.
        your no more enlightened than scientologist.
        you stand FOR nothing and AGAINST everything. you pretend to be intelligent, but like me, you probably have NO answers to anything relevant.
        you are a hypocrite, you are a troll. you found your way out of the box most american live in, but you crawled right into another box.
        open your eyes and behold the delusion that is your life.

      • Ember

        Agreed. Though he sometimes contributes relevant information to subjects, this ‘George Hotz’ is mildly anoying.

  • @Pseudonymous, any other sites you reccomend? Brutus?

  • Pseudonymous

    -Intended to be a factual story

  • @OldBrutus that is how you write a factual article. fuck your site though, NO traffic. any others i should check out until this one gets going?

    • There are no websites like this one. That is why you are here.

      • a am here because of the ps3 outage, which led me to anonymous, which led to this site.
        ps-why dont you use your real names, anonymous affiliation or are you just afraid of…well you really dont have anything to be afraid of the governemnt doesnt give two shits about your site, because they no only a very small percentage of people see it, and an even smaller percent care.
        @anonymous @oldbrutus look in the mirror, you are becoming everything you stand against, a big steaming pile of hypcrisy and NO answers that have any relevance in the REAL (not cyber) world

        • Ember

          Why don’t we use our real names? Ha! Your hypocrisy is exceeded only by your arrogance. If you knew anything about Anonymous then you wouldn’t have come to Anon News from the PSN, rather the other way around.

          I would humbly suggest that you familiarize yourself with the facts before making a fool of yourself =]

          • TRUMP>HOTZ $$2012$$ ur fired

            we dont use our real name because we dont RUN THE SITE. and if i just recently learned of a group of HACKERS and trolls and tool etc called anonymous, then why, on a site run by people who remain anonymous by using characters from books or made up names, would i give any personal information? surely you see my rational now ember. or do i need to hold your hand even further? im willing just ask.

            all i want is for these sluts at this website and #anonymous to admit they are as lost as every christian, every atheist, every muslim, every jew (get the picture yet?) every satanist, every agnostic, every hindu, every mormon. take down your facade of enlightenment and realize you are fool. generally the more someones, they realize how little they know. these scum are acting like they are all wise hyper intelligent beings, which puts them in the category with…your local fucking church.

            HAPPY EASTER
            Jesus: fuck you!

          • TRUMP>HOTZ $$2012$$ ur fired

            i want to congratulate you though ember, for completely missing the point of my question. they run this site anonymously you fucking prude.
            if you like correcting people on pedantics, go be a teacher and leave abstract thought for those with the capacity

          • Ember

            If you worded and punctuated your questions a little more clearly it would be far easier to respond to them effectively. However I am sorry I misunderstood your meaning though.

            Still, I am not afraid of giving out my personal information on this site, what’s the worst that could happen? Prank calls? Spam emails? Those I could easily deal with, the only people who would do that would be the only people retarded enough to find it amusing, thus inadvertently I would be proving my own intellectual superiority. I would be tolling them with next to no effort on my part.

            Also, because I am an atheistic individual your intelligently worded blanket term ‘sluts’ does not actually apply to me. My logic is not infallible, I admit that I can wrong but I still try to argue my point as clearly and concisely as I can, preferring not to revert to curse words if I can. You see, I try to talk smarter, not harder. You can call me a ‘fucking prude’ but it does not serve to validate your point more, or invalidate my own.

            If you would like to have a logical debate about these matters then I would be happy to oblige. If not then you can continue trolling to your hearts desire =]

          • Ember licks ass

            i too am atheist. love it.
            and yes the worst they could do with personal information is annoy the shit out me, but thats annoying. also i like to fucking cuss, they are only fucking words that can be used for emphasis or to show emotion. also, im not writing a FUCKING english paper so im not going to A) to to punctuate correctly B) spell check. why should i use MLA format on a blog. i could type like i have downsyndrome i.e.: u iz retrdd…you get the picture. what i dont like about you is you generally bring NO relevance to the discussion, you only make lul all the ass holes on this page that are dying without the playstation network>
            ps, im just now getting into vonnegut, read slaughterhous-five. ALSO fuckity shit bitch ass fuck pussy bastard shit!

          • Ember

            It is true, I bring no relevance to any discussion on this site because I deem it unworthy of intelligent conversation. This is a site for trolls and I can indulge my more… argumentative side for the pure sake of argument alone, no point, no purpose. It is very good fun.

            To quote an old friend of mine, I am doing it ‘for teh lulz’. A little anarchy never hurt anyone and on this site no one seems to care ;)

            Oh and I cant say I find you’re name very mature either, but whatever, its all for teh lulz in the end XD.

          • Geo Hotz

            my main concern in life: how ember feels about my maturity level on a site he deems unworthy of his superior intelligence.

          • Ember

            I never said that, I simply said ‘I deem it unworthy of intelligent conversation’. I would advise you actually read the post properly before posting uninformed messages.

            Trying to disregard me by picking on a point I never actually made is an incredibly poor offensive strategy. I now feel fully justified in saying ‘grow up’. Have a nice day in play school =].

          • Peter Collier

            Ember, stop.
            you are wrong, Anonymous is wrong, Anonymous has no true power, its goals, though originally highly respectable, are now entirely based on boosting its massive ego, and the same can be said of most of its members, wtf happened to you guys? you set oout to stand against obstruction of the flow of information. but look at you now, ddosing people who haven’t done anything, taking down companies, don’t you realize what you’re doing? when you hit visa and mastercard awhile ago you weren’t hurting the people who ran those companies you were hurting the people who worked there

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