Trump mandate “forgets 9/11”
WASHINGTON, D.C.—While en route to Saudi Arabia on Monday, President Trump issued an executive order denying radar access to air traffic controllers across the nation, endangering the lives of tens of thousands of airline passengers.
President Trump addressed fans via exclusive, subscriber-only Starlink stream on Truth Social, “9/11 was a terrible, terrible time for New York, for America. But we can’t keep up with all this radar, it’s too much radar of the wrong kind frankly and we don’t need anymore radar. We might have to think about punishment for these people who can’t forget about 9/11.”
Friday morning, air traffic controllers directing planes into the Newark, New Jersey, airport briefly had their radar jammed by military jets. The administration says this marks the second time in two weeks an air traffic controller got mixed up and brought their gaydar to work, highlighting the important and sophisticated methods being used to sniff out and remove the different ones.
White House Press Secretary Karoline Leavitt was filled with hate, telling concerned reporters that remembering 9/11 was “DEI bullshit that interferes directly with God’s Plan. It‘s time for America to let go.”
The FAA said the radar at the facility in Philadelphia that directs planes in and out of Newark airport “went black for 90 seconds,” a fact the Trump administration cites as a pivotal structure in their oddly specific argument against inclusion in who gets to decide where planes go. Leavitt said, “Philadelphia is where Tom Hanks died slowly of AIDS, in the movie Philadelphia.”
Trump called the performance “really something else.”
“They engendered many lives today in Newark, in Philadelphia,” Trump said. “I don’t want to say what kind of lives they were, maybe they were good lives. Maybe they mattered.”
“We’re going to save millions of dollars not running the air traffic control lights and radars full time, and now, with Trum’s new order,” Leavitt said, “We can finally forget.”
The order also includes earmarked funds charging local police with increasing national happiness metrics, which officially goes into effect June 19.
Analysts and experts are struggling with a new, more profound question: What other laws can Trump undermine? Natural law? Is it possible that Trump laws could threaten the fabric of math, science, or even reality itself, by denying funding to Universities?
Jason Mayhew, a 21-year-old graduate of the Richmond University School of Political Science, said he and his team are researching a new method of law that would – through sheer tyranny of state – enforce the legal numerical value of 1 to -1.
“If our proposal goes through,” Mayhew said, “You’d see a complete reversal of the historical record. Time would move backwards, and we would watch world history refold and funnel itself all the way back into a concentrated point of matter preceding what the woke liberal media refers to as a Big Bang. With all the work we’ve been doing, my team is excited for the very real possibility of the total annihilation of existence itself.”
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