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Hate Technology

Chaos looming amid social media collapse: “Everyone is watching”

SAN FRANCISCO—Agents are now posing as the recently deceased Elon Musk, and are undermining free speech from within the platform. As behemoths like Twitter, Facebook and LinkedIn begin to crumble, many are now terrified for the collapse of social media.

Some are left to farm up the ashes, hoovering hip rats into mastadon servers where compartments of human beings are made to live like animals. Slavery of the people, by the people.

what’s up with jokes? you say something funny and now i do what? go ha ha ha hee hee? the fuck are we doin here

— user MrSerious11211

But many, who staked their livelihoods on a longshot that did not make it, are asking: What is the true cost?incel politics

Will the great reset leave a me-shaped hole in my hateful little soul?

Not to worry. As Away Messages fade, there is a light in the dark mists of freedom.

Mark Zuckerberg plans to blackmail the United States into voting for him.
Everyone is watching.

Run away from that anxiety-inducing darkness, and fall into the tender, loving arms of Lebal Drocer, Inc.

Run quietly by billionaires whose names you would not recognize, this nameless entity is a glowing social media platform where you are permitted to float, as formlessly as you like, through a cloud of words, images, and associations, making your mark on the world. At Lebal Drocer, everyone is watching. We love you so much.

Away Messages, by Lebal Drocer Chat is more than a mastodon instance, where you go in and see what the people have been doing in there: jerking off in some dark dank instance.

Your number one source for all things fulfilling and true.

We would never pull you into that darkness where the ugly is lurking. It’s no place for you.

You’re special. Sign up for a friend group today.

Also, Lebal Drocer, Inc. will never look at your nudes out of sight, like they do at masturdon.

We’re doing it right out in the open. Where Everyone is watching.

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Elon Musk dead following electrocution accident at data center

INTERNET – Fans and investors mourn the loss of billionaire maverick Elon Musk, CEO of Tesla, Paypal, SpaceX, and Twitter.

News of Musk’s death was delayed for several minutes as the electrical accident tripped breakers at Twitter’s silicon valley datacenter.

Twitter’s lead software engineer George Hotz witnessed the gruesome death, “Elon was trying to fix a faulty power supply by shorting out a dead relay with his car keys. It’s ironic because that’s just the kind of disruptive and dangerous trick that made him a billionaire to begin with.”

Ex-wife Grimes remembered all the times Musk toyed with electricity, “He liked to watch electroboom on Youtube and replicate the stunts. Whenever I wasn’t paying him enough attention, he’d jam a paperclip in a socket and short out the whole house.”

Musk’s lifelong obsession with electricity led up to his creation of Tesla, which pioneered the manufacture and sales of electrical vehicles of all kinds.

In the billionaire’s last moments, surveillance cameras at the data center captured Musk leaning into an equipment rack and smiling like a child, “This is hardcore right here. You see this? This is where my billions came from. Sometimes you’ve just got to get in there and work, work, work.” Musk’s mood was so elevated with designer synthetics, coroners believe he may have not noticed the powerful electrical current until after his internal organs were completely cooked.

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Doctors say Jay Leno’s chin cannot be saved

INTERNET — After reports Monday that Jay Leno suffered massive burns to his face when a Tesla vehicle detonated in his garage, Dr. Angstrom H. Troubador told investigators, “Jay Leno’s trademark chin will not be salvageable, and I personally suspect foul play.”

Leno Superfan Doug Jackson reacted with horror, saying, “That’s the end of his comedy career. Without that golden chin, he’s just a cut-rate Letterman. He should have stayed away from those dangerous electrical vehicles.” Millions of Leno fans echoed this sentiment, and lament that the former titan of comedy may never get another laugh.

Leno’s former friend and confidante Elon Musk, now firmly in control of the global narrative after his purchase of Twitter, said that the comedian was to blame for the explosion of the Tesla. “I always told Leno to slow down, but he would just make fun of me for wrecking my McLaren.” Musk blanked out for a moment and his eyes glazed over before he added, “I am considering having my own chin enhanced so that more people will find me hilarious. A large chin is also a sign of power.”

Rumors that Elon remotely detonated the Tesla as part of a plot to “steal Jay Leno’s chin and finally become funny,” circulated on the Reddit forum r/conspiracy, one of the few social media sites outside of Elon Musk’s control.

Internet Chronicle reporters, who are close personal friends of Leno through the tightly knit luxury car community, reached the comedian for comment. Leno told hatesec, “In spite of having my chin robbed right off my face, I still have faith in the electric car. They’re the future. They’re fast, quiet, good for the environment. But all the malware that comes installed in these Teslas? No thanks.”