New Investigation Reveals President Trump is “Sex Slave to Russian and Chinese Billionaires”

WARNING: EXPLICIT CONTENT NOT SUITABLE FOR MINORS

INTERNET — New allegations from Christopher Steele reveal Donald Trump has been a victim of human trafficking and sex slavery for over three decades.

This shocking, exclusive story came to light only after Internet Chronicle reporters investigated Ms. Yang’s Rubdown Palace at Mar-A-Lago and found records that Chinese executives were not only paying for “access” to Trump through her organization, but that this access most likely meant her clients purchased million dollar “golden shower” sessions, urinating on the president over 30 times during the first year of his presidency alone.

Steele’s investigations revealed that the roots of President Trump’s humiliating sex slavery go back decades to some of his earliest business troubles. After suffering multiple bankruptcies and defaulting on a series of loans from Russian mobsters in the mid 90’s, Trump became known as the Russian’s “pisspig,” traveling to Moscow “hundreds” of times to fulfill the sick, sadistic desires of the kleptocracy. Since then, Trump has been passed around between numerous high profile pimps until ending up at Cindy Yang’s Rubdown Palace at Mar-A-Lago.

“They’ll never reveal a video, and it’s not accurate to simply call this kompromat. It’s much more than that, and Trump is bound up into it. Any revelations could spoil their whole operation and cut them off from their kink of pissing on a powerful American. These Russian and Chinese billionaires spent so much money buying misleading internet advertisements just to make Trump president so that pissing on him would be more enjoyable,” said Steele in an exclusive interview with Internet Chronicle. “They probably want him to be president forever.”

Reigning in sex trafficking across the border was one of Trump’s biggest campaign promises, but his failure to build the wall has upset many Republicans. Tuesday, outspoken pundit Ann Coulter appeared on Fox and Friends to make the case that Trump doesn’t really want to end sex slavery. “Maybe he’s got Stockholm Syndrome. Probably he’s linked in with the sex trafficking stuff for decades now and has to keep it thriving, or maybe Miss Yang will punish him.”

Trump has told reporters he “doesn’t know” Cindy Yang, after appearing in a selfie with her at her Rubdown Palace at Mar-A-Lago’s Superbowl party.

#QArmy detectives have begun to unlock the President’s coded messages, re-interpreting many of his intentional misspellings and common phrases to better understand his status as a sex slave. Q himself offered up this tantalizing crumb, setting off a chain reaction of raised consciousness: “[P]resi(dent)ial harassment, steal gol(f)den,” to many a confirmation of the startling allegations and a rationalization for many of Trump’s failures as president.

Rust Youtuber ‘Vice’ BANNED for Impersonation of Vice Media

Rust Youtuber Vice threatens to “wring [Vice] cunts by the fucking neck”

INTERNET — Rust YouTuber ‘Vice’ was banned from YouTube Friday morning after the grim specter of trademark infringement brought angry briefcase-toting lawyers down on his channel like a ten man AK zerg blasting into a wooden 2×2.

This February, Vice shot to a new level of fame after getting himself and his clan banned from Rust’s US East 2 server and deftly playing the victim card. This move was incredibly popular among disgruntled Rust players, drawing tens of thousands of hate-filled viewers to his channel, including the lawyers at Vice Media and the renowned satirists at the Internet Chronicle.

Dr. Angstrom H. Troubador, expert Trademark Attorney, said, “Well, there’s nothing he can do about it. Even if YouTube lets him keep the account and change his name, that lands them in a murky legal situation where they might be liable for damages from the incumbent Trademark infringement that is now baked into Vice’s brand. Everything’s just fine as long as Vice wasn’t making money, but once the cash starts rolling the lawyers get typing angry complaints.”

Vice’s Community Discord channel has been simmering with classic ressentiment after the mass server bans in February, and now after losing his YouTube channel the mood has pitched into a boil over.

Sosig.exe, moderator at the official Facepunch discord, has apparently never heard of Vice Media’s “Proud Boy” founder, Gavin McInnes

With natural rage and powerlessness already coursing through the community of exploit base builders, their self-destructive flailing has set in, leading to some of the most cringey moments in all of the Rust community’s history.

Some supporters, including a moderator of Facepunch’s official discord chimed in, blaming the so-called ‘libtard fake media’ for basic Trademark considerations from YouTube. Others have cast wild blame at Facepunch employees for committing ‘admin abuse’, even garnering a ‘like’ from Vice himself for personally attacking Errn.

Vice himself personally attacked the staff at the Internet Chronicle, depicting the oft-quoted writer Kilgoar as some kind of a retard who ’caused tons of trouble’ on the Rustography discord which banned many of the most enthusiastic and active map makers in Rust, often for nothing more than discussing technical details of map-making or sharing links to custom map servers.

Vice ‘likes’ it when his fans accuse Facepunch employees of admin abuse.

In related news, the Rust Community is suffering a menagerie of growing pains as the game reaches new heights. Buck Sexington, in-house community blogger, has apparently parted ways with Facepunch after several months of only sporadic posting, leaving core enthusiasts high and dry for the juiciest new content.

Bank of America introduces “Whites Only” ATMs

CHARLOTTE, N.C.–A beleaguered Bank of America has rolled back its woefully misguided effort to foster racial calm, after a ‘segregated ATM’ pilot program failed to catch on outside of its Charlotte, North Carolina test branches or headquarters.

Dr. Cornel West came out against the ATMs on the basis of mendacity, stating the program has grotesque racist, classist overtones.

BofA President Richmond T. Skaers said he noticed that he felt much safer in his gated neighborhood, where others do not bother him, and wants every Bank of America customer to feel the same way, away from each other.

“Before 1865, racism wasn’t an issue. After that, we had to have signs. Was that racist? You tell me,” Skaers said. “I’m COLORBLIND. Then they made us take the signs down. Well, I say fuck that. Bank of America just got great again. The signs went back up, and several ATMs around Charlotte were reintroduced to non-whites, after being modified to meet the specific needs of an increasingly entitled customer base, known as Second Class Citizens. I’m sorry a few snowflakes didn’t like that.”

Bank of America: Automated teller machines were retrofitted with beautiful, vintage, turn of the century signage, along with other consumer-oriented enhancements.
Bank of America: Automated teller machines were retrofitted with beautiful, vintage, turn of the century signage, along with other consumer enhancements.

“I wish the machines were a little further apart,” admitted stay-at-home mom Mary Whittlesworth, “If I want to spend my husband’s money, I still have to stand next to…them, and right away, I can tell something ain’t right.”

Dan Roiland, a 39-year-old Lincolnton High School teacher from North Carolina said his bank refused to install the segregated ATMs after realizing the cost of maintaining two ATMs would be higher than the sum total of anything his scumfuck hick town might pull in, so he is now banking with the Ku Klux Kredit Union down the street, a bank that works exclusively with master races to build pure white communities.

“Fuck everyone else.”

— Dan Roiland, Rebel

Looking forward, BofA says it is rethinking its strategy to appease racial unrest, and has signaled a possible shift to a form of scrip, as a specialized currency intended to create a healthier relationship between certain people and their money.