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Little boy REACTS: ‘Why are puppet shows still a thing?’

record scratch. freeze frame.
record scratch. freeze frame.

Soooo, yeah. I bet right now you’re probably wondering how I got here, huh?

VHS footage rewinds through an entire, shitty puppet act, and

I’m staring, like a stoop, at someone who should not exist, an adult who plays with dolls, in front of me, for money.

Mom and Dad fight a lot. I escape into videogames and youtube videos – changing by the minute – on a 6th-generation iPad handed down to me from Aunt Judy. A single iPad does little to muffle the gut-wrenching snarles of hatred coming up through the floor, but it does minimize their impact on my sensitive brain.

For some reason, though, Mom and Dad are pissed off that I’m on it all the time. Over the weekend, Dad entered my room without knocking. I expected him to kneel down at my eye level, comfort me, and maybe even let me know they are not getting a divorce. Instead of comforting me, Dad took away my videogames and explained they have decided to enrich my life by taking me down to the community theater, where a balding man in suspenders would introduce me and a pack of Latch-Key kids to a miniature stage and his troupe of ancient puppets. Was this some kind of sick joke?

Let me tell you, folks. This shit is real.

So out comes the puppet act. I’m sitting here watching some Gallagher-looking burnout, and he’s dancing his little puppets around – marionettes, he calls them – and you can tell he’s been doing it a long time, since before I was born, because these little wooden bastards are creepy looking. But they are not supposed to be. He never once acknowledges it. Also, he never tells any jokes, or does anything remotely entertaining, whatsoever. At no time do I enjoy this. Still, he just keeps going.

I can even see his shoulders. The guy is right there, behind the stage! I give Dad a sidelong glare, and he looks back at me, nodding, as if to say, “Son, this is from before iPads and shit.”

So I figure ‘whatever.’ I’m giving this lanky beatnik the benefit of the doubt. I mean, this guy has committed his entire life to this material, so it must be some entertaining shit, right? Wrong! This guy’s puppet material is the least relatable thing I’ve seen since Dad introduced me to Henny Youngman.

Maybe I exhibit awareness beyond my years, but I only just learned how to read, and I still need more than a three-word setup, and one-word punchline, Mr. Youngman.

Anyway, back to the puppets: Do you realize how desensitized I am? OK, I am five years old, and I have access to close-up, hidden camera massage parlor pornography, alone in my bedroom. You’re going to have to do better than jangling two limp puppets in front of me like a set of car keys. Oh, they have personalities! Do they? Do they, really? Which one’s the funny one? Which one is more entertaining than electric football?

Now I’m back at home. My parents’ failing marriage has once again stolen the show, and I am back on the iPad. I found a neat 8-hour unboxing video of a product that does not even exist, and is just there to edge me closer and closer to the ultimate dopamine release, which sources tell me is right around the corner.

Watch:

This is the Waiting for Godot of unboxing videos. Surely the dopamine will hit soon.

#QAnon movement FULLY compromised by agents of the #cabal

Shills have given platforms a reason to ban QAnon

In the past month, more platforms including Twitter have banned millions of QAnon followers in an attempt to censor their movement out of existence, following a widespread infiltration effort that has derailed and undermined the original message of Q. While many of the most abusive and threatening incidents to blame for the ban are certainly the work of paid shills, their influence is far more insidious, spreading slowly but subtly over the past several years among real supporters of Q.

Many of the infiltrator’s agendas have unfortunately gone totally mainstream in Q circles, wreaking havoc on the movement and the personal lives of Q fans. Most Q fans pride themselves in being too smart to trick, but that has left the door open for thousands of little, barely detectable tricks. These infiltrators are trained experts in brainwashing and manipulation, targeting you, backed by billionaires, and working overtime for years. They have step by step led Q believers astray from their moral and ethical high ground to join in their most evil deeds!

They haven’t gotten to me, have they?

Well, maybe they have. Here are some signs to look for. Does bringing up your research in polite company cause discord with your friends or family? Have you stopped talking to those you love, or lost friendships over Q?

If that’s the case, you probably have been compromised by the cabal to some degree. There are reports of full conversion among Q fans from a simple freedom lover to a fully depraved agent of the cabal. A Q fan might think that they are “redpilling” their own children and helping to save America. However, from their children’s perspective this is psychological sex abuse that has the fully brainwashed Q fan enjoying the act of ruining their own children’s innocence. That is how twisted and destructive the cabal is, they can turn their worst enemies into their agents and their very homes into a depraved site for ritual abuse that’s just as sick as Epstein’s island. Right under our noses!

If you find yourself doing research deep into the night and neglecting the rest of your life, this is a sign of demonic possession. Remember, this is a slow and insidious process which comes in many degrees as the influence grows over you. It doesn’t happen all at once, but it happens slowly, and by the time you’re capable of child abuse you won’t even realize what you’re doing. You’ll even think you’re saving people as you try to destroy their souls and ruin their innocence.

They have even separated people from their church!

That’s how sick the satanists are. Many of the family members who stepped forward report that their beloved relatives are afraid of church! This leaves them isolated and without Christ to guide them, a tactic that leaves them defenseless to Satanic influence, the first step to prime Q fans to participate in the very pedophile abuse they are supposed to oppose!

Is the Q movement finished?

QAnon Infiltrators have utterly ruined the movement, turning even the most well-meaning Christians into Satanic Pedos!

Yes! There are plenty of good folks left, but they are by this time far outnumbered by those who have been, at least to some degree, converted to the other side. You can see the hate simmering just below the surface, the Great Awakening has been perverted into a force that destroys families, friendships, businesses, and lives. This might have been “The Plan” from the start! “The Storm” may be the great evil that the cabal can engage in once they have a strong “base” of believers to fully support their new satanic world order. Think about it: Just a few years ago there were no riots, plagues, and storms ravaging the world. Now that millions have been mesmerized and turned against their own friends, family, and religion God has brought this as punishment. The cabal has gone mainstream by perverting the very movement that was supposed to destroy them. That’s how it always is!

What now?

Do you really think that it would be so easy, that evil would be so simply defeated, putting up no resistance at all to Q? It’s time to wake up, and for real this time. Thankfully, even the worst sinners can repent and find forgiveness in Christ. If satanic Q shills have sown discord between you and those you love, it is time to apologize and move on. If you have assaulted their innocent soul with satanic “redpilling,” you must go to a church and pray for forgiveness, confess, and repent. Rejoin your family with love. When you feel the demonic urge to sully your soul with polluted Q information, grab your bible instead and turn it to the Book of Revelations! No other document fully outlines how Satan has lied to you and turned your own movement against itself. It is never too late to turn back.

Male feminists ‘transition’ to Black Lives Matter allies

New York — Just when you thought there was nothing worse than a “male feminist,” some ineffectual men – who failed to score any pussy that way – are now taking up arms across every social media platform, becoming “allies” to the Black Lives Matter movement.

Traditionally, male feminists were easy to spot by their shirts, smart glasses, and stupid haircuts, meticulously styled with planned messiness.

Now indistinguishable from Greenpoint baristas, they are wearing all black and showing up to protest police brutality, in the national fight for justice and equality. A referee, consulting the rulebook, announces there’s nothing in here that says a man can’t serve his community by serving himself.

Terry McMillan, a 35-year-old bartender in Williamsburg, said it is high time he stepped in and used his white privilege to “throw the blacks a bone.”

“I hate racism, you know? I’m not racist, so I need to get out there and show it,” McMillan said. “I’ve been stuck inside my house for three months, and there are underserved people in my community who need my white validation now, more than ever. If I stay inside through this, I’m not helping anybody see me.”

White male feminist, and BLM ally Matt Charles recently transitioned to full black justice, and has been reading literature distributed by the New Black Panther Party, which he finds “very interesting.”

“These Hank Moody blacks are more than just a fashion statement,” said Charles, from McCarren Park in Brooklyn. “This dark Izod button-down is my uniform. My identity.”

Charles appeared near the back of the crowd on a bike path, with former feminist-ally-turned-antifa Melissa Stanley, where they were shooting on a Canon Rebel EOS T6i.

“I made sure to get lots of stunning angles of Melissa resting against her bike in various revolutionary poses,” he said. “Just seeing her grinning face at a protest for equality is going to make one hell of an impact on her Instagram followers.”

Stanley, who calls herself a news junky, held up her iPhone 11 Pro, pointing to the CNN app. She said she does not condone violence, offensive language, or the destruction of property or monuments. She looked fantastic in a smart V-neck and canvas pants.

“I just want our black brothers and sisters, when they see me, to know I’m one of the good ones. I’m an ally!”

This message is brought to you by Lebal Drocer, Inc.
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