Snowcrash in 2018: A hopelessly optimistic dystopia

Neal Stephenson’s breakout ‘post-cyberpunk’ novel, Snowcrash, injected a heaping dose of realistic hard science fiction to slap down the more fanciful mind-uploading cyberpunk worlds of vague geometric ‘data’. Instead, Stephenson imagined a video-game like ‘Metaverse’ very much like many virtual worlds and massively-online games that exist today. “Didn’t anybody tell you that I was a […]

“YouTube Homesteader” Jesse Stafford Dead after Construction Accident

INTERNET — Jesse Stafford of Pure Living For Life passed following a tragic construction accident, Friday evening after trying to repair his new home’s leaking roof. Pure Living For Life recently drew controversy from the YouTube Homesteader community after Jesse went “on-the-grid,” rigging a 300 amp line directly into his garage’s bedroom. “The first snowfall […]

Michio Kaku: “Aliens have infiltrated our internet”

INTERNET — Theoretical Physicist Dr. Michio Kaku told reporters Sunday that he thinks an advanced alien species may have infiltrated the earth’s internet to sow discord and soften up humanity for a potential invasion. Dr. Kaku, speaking at an event held by former Blink 182 musician Tom Delonge told reporters, “The only truly credible reports […]

Dr. Troubadour’s Tips for a safe, healthy 9/11 Remembrance

Sup dudes! After this year’s underwhelming 9/11 memorial (Presidents crying in a field), the kind men in charge of Internet Chronicle asked me to write this short, easy-to-understand 9/11 remembrance for dummies. Spice up your next 9/11 with a television-based diamond-encrusted, double platinum freakout, using my simple tips. Forged in a furnace of Internet Memes, […]

Madness at the Grocery as Hurricane Florence bears down on America

INTERNET — Seventeen hurricanes are loading up with hate over Africa, tearing a swath of destruction towards the Atlantic and the east coast of America. Grocery stores are manic with energy as Florence bears down but shelves are empty and customers are suffering from a mass outbreak of psychotic episodes. “Why don’t they nuke the […]

Wasted: Political Science and Economics of the “New” World Order

There is great confusion, generally, about the terms ‘liberal democracy’, the related ‘neoliberalism’, ‘republicanism’, as well as ‘fascism’ and ‘neofascism’. While some of these terms are often jumbled around in murky waters and Orwellized by all-too-clear propaganda, so it might be easy to meet any of them with the scoff of dismissal that shows you […]

Rust World-Making: A hundred square miles of horror

INTERNET — The loser and abuser bottomfeeder cabal at Rusty Cartographer’s Discord sunk back into the shadows as their shittalk’s been replaced with a fecund deluge of shitposting at a far superior caliber. The bottomfeeder refrains for ‘balance’ and insistence that their time is the most important ingredient in their work were fucked to begin with. […]

Gangstalkers being used to suppress Russian trolls

MOSCOW–Americans wary of Russian trolls meddling in their social media need not worry. A mercurial group known loosely as ‘gangstalkers’ have reportedly shown up at targeted individuals’ workplaces, homes, and churches to menace individual Russian trolls rumored to operate dozens of accounts per day from a single computer. Insider reports coming out of Russian troll […]

Newly discovered cave paintings depict ancient lives of intense boredom

It was not all that long ago that fire and wildlife meant everything to mankind. And just because we’re not into that boring shit anymore doesn’t mean we can’t still pretend to appreciate 35,000-year-old cave paintings in this news article. Before seamless.com all humans sustained themselves through hunting, fishing or gathering (get a phone, Cro-Magnons!), […]

Terror at 8chan after Hotwheels goes missing

Hotwheels gone dark Is he leaving #QAnon stuck with the bill? Hotwheels, the operator of an alternative imageboard generator, has gone missing after reports surfaced that Frederick Brennan – an intellectual powerhouse – is the engine propelling #QAnon and shepherds The Message all the way to the President’s rallies in Numbnuts, Florida. The disappearance, while […]