Is Humanity Party leader Christopher Nemelka behind the enigmatic #QAnon mask?

WASHINGTON, D.C. — Experts who once believed the Trump-allied persona “Q” to be a high-ranking official in the Energy Department are shifting their suspicions onto the mysterious leader of the Humanity Party (THumP), Christopher Nemelka. In addition to enjoying near-total control of THumP, Nemelka runs a very successful cult on the Mormonism platform, and has […]

Dr. Troubadour Accused of Running Fake News Boot Camp to Train Boys to Become Fake Newsmen

Dr. Angstrom H. Troubadour is being detained in a mobile diesel therapy unit en route to Cuthbert, Georgia in the Southeastern US, after documents tied him to a Lebal Drocer executive responsible for the stillborn deaths of hundreds of thousands of children in South Carolina, and who is sought in connection with an illegal “Fake […]

SPOTIFY DELETES ALEX JONES FOR HATE CONTENT

The globalist music streaming service Spotify has removed episodes of “The Alex Jones Show” for violating its hate content policy, deliberately attacking Jones’ First Amendment right to Conspiracy as a religion. “I was born into censorship. I was born being suppressed.” — Alex Jones Emerick Jones is an American radio host and conspiracy theorist on […]

Arizona Christians refuse to keep ‘toddler death family’ in prayers after tragic loss

“Fuck her. We’re pro-life.” Hello Internet! I’m hatesec, and I am here to mansplain to you idiots a little story about dumb people. Okay, that’s the setup. Here’s your fucking story, and it goes a little something like this: Dear Internet, stupid people sometimes let their Babies die in obvious, easily preventable ways. Why, just […]

Chronicle.SU denounces Muammar Gaddafi

After much thought and heavy consideration, Media Mogul of Chronicle.SU ended his long-running campaign of support for Libyan leader Muammar Gaddafi, and denounced him Thursday. “We believe he’s been kind of mean,” said Mogul. Chronicle.SU described Gaddafi’s actions as “rude, unnecessary and uncalled for.” “We don’t like how he treated them boys,” said Mogul. “I […]

Cost of Freedom on the rise

Washington, D.C.–The cost of freedom rose another ten barrels of crude Friday, according to a Pentagon report published by Secretary of War Donald Scumsfeld. Freedom, experts say, might never be free again, according to projections by the War Secretary that reveal an alarming increase in the cost of freedom over time. “We expect the cost […]

President Trump visits Roanoke River Catfish Farm

To ensure sustainable resource quantities for all people of the United States, President Trump visited the Roanoke River Catfish Farm. The Juche Farm has successfully become a world-class, large-scale fish farm, pumping fish on an industrial scale into the Roanoke River from high within the Blue Ridge Mountains, supplying Virginians with food and resources. Trump […]

2016 Election: Voters still overwhelmed by abundance of choices

ROANOKE, Va. — In a piece rejected by VICE, The Internet Chronicle staked out a nearby voter registration office and harangued new voters with invasive personal questions. In their unlikely, but convenient responses, these new voters expressed an uncommon sense of belief in the system, and some stood in awe of the broad, diverse spectrum […]

Bernie Sanders refuses to stand for Pledge of Allegiance, in a protest backed entirely by dank memes

bernie promises new economic standard. “memebacks” to replace worthless currency “the dollar.” After Bernie refused to stand for the pledge at Sunday’s 9/11 rally, the best pepes, the rarest pepe of them all have pledged allegiance to Bernie, and said “fuck the troops, specifically.” the dank memer himself, bernie pepe is like “bring Snowden home […]