Chris Nemelka: Advancement Opportunities

Christopher Numb Milka’s new book is about advancement of person, place, and time.

It resembles his previous works in every way, except this one is called Advancement Opportunities and You: Christopher Nemelka’s guide to enlightenment through entheogens, having sex with Chris, and doing heroin, probably also with Chris.

He is married to the Oxford comma, even in titles. But what is Christopher NOT married to? A wife!

Now that’s advanced.

This has been a test. If you are reading this message, all systems are nominal.

A short radio test will follow.

Wow, we live in like, such an important time

“In yet another predictable move, the solved game of 4-D chess grinds on.” Yeah, that’s right, I just quoted myself. It’s 2018 and I’m a smarmy cunt on the Internet! My opinions are organic, handcrafted, and locally sourced.

Hear hear, fellow denizens!

Political discussions, which have Very Important Consequences, must be taken as matters of life or death, friend or foe, Do or Die. YOU THINK THIS A FUCKIN’ GAME SON!?

Be sure to personally identify yourself by a cause (any cause will do!), so that high-minded, abstract, sensitive disagreements are interpreted as an affront to the very essence of your wretched being. As always, be sure to LASH OUT at the first signs of divergence, so as to Win the Aggression first. This is how like, our fucking ancestors did it, man. Tribal hate is tested and approved through the generations, and it WILL work for YOU!

[Editor’s Note – BUSTIN’ Live Ones Edition: THIS JUST IN–SENSITIVE NEWS FOLLOWING–CALL FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE]

Sperg Army rushes to Putin’s defense

dr troubadour
“We think they’re edging” says Dr. Yevgeny Trueblood, from Health Insurance Memorial Hospital in NIZHNY NOVGOROD

Droves of proudbois crested the Mongolian hills Saturday, and charged a camp rumored to be operated by Russian rebels.

Word on the street is them boys is 10 days into a no-fapper, and are about ready to bust wide open with Daddy’s Cummies.

Their proud seed may only be spilled on the crescent moon, after Gavin McInnes returns to Joe Rogan, where he is expected to give them boys the A-OK.

Before any Proudbois can advance, Gavin himself must give the signal. So far, he has yet to display it.

Lenny tightens the chinstrap on his red special needs helmet, preparing to raid a Mongoloid village.

“This is what we prepared for,” he said. He then turned and ran in the direction of human microphones, heard in the distance.

More as the situation develops.

CHRONICLE.SU MONTHLY RANSOMWARE ROUNDUP: Microsoft Windows releases Windows 10 update demanding payments by credit card

The unprovoked attack appeared as part of routine bullshit called Microsoft feature roll-up, a process during which Windows 10 users’ machines do hidden things with implied consent, “like magic.”

For years on end, Windows has milked its userbase for extra coke money.
For years, Windows has milked its userbase for extra coke money.

In the latest update, a pop-up briefly explains that it has been a while since you paid Microsoft for something, so the Fall Creators’ Update is offering users a choice between premium digital licenses to kiss Bill Gates’ fuzzy, wrinkled ass, or else go fuck yourselves and downgrade to Home Edition for free.

A sleek, modern update portal now lets users subscribe to a random kick in the dick by simply doing nothing. Uncheck a box, or agree to recurring charges, because you deserve it. The first update’s on the house!

Have your credit cards ready, because these Microsoft Windows 10 updates don’t fuck around.