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Health Status Quo

Got a case of the Mondays? A weekend drug bender could be “Miracle cure”

The smiles on my client’s faces are the only credentials I need.

SWEETWATER—Hi I’m Angstrom Troubadour, promoting the concept of splitting my personality off, and inserting intentions between two different bodies, which is how I’m able to be here, to tell you, Dr. Troubadour says do a lot of drugs over the weekend so you’re still high on Monday morning.

Now why don’t you lay back on that table. Let me and Dr. Troubadour open up your source code.

How’s that grab you sweetheart?

Dr. Troubadour is a licensed professional in ALL 50 STATES. He is insured. Bonded!

Let Lebal Drocer be your light this Holiday Season (mid-June) as you venture deeper into the goblin cave systems, ignoring the lull of gnomes and their sweet little voices.

How does that stuff your socking?

Don’t answer that! Listen to what I’ve got to say. Hi everyone, I’m source 2 and the writer would have inserted me here, but instead he signed a statement legally forbidding my name from appearing in all articles published by him. Learn more about this never, because no one can talk louder than my money.

Dr. Troubadour’s serum is available at all major drugstores and Walmart Supercenters. Hell on Earth is available now, everywhere.

dr troubadour
Troubadour was cleared of wrong-doing.

So anyway get real high all weekend, you won’t even feel Monday. Who are you? Garfield? You are above Monday. He lies beneath it.

I’m Dr. Troubadour, a trusted Medical Doctor, versed in the Humanities.

Fight the power. Fist of justice. 10 percs in the open palm. Sleepy Warriors. Party every night. — Doctor’s Orders

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Categories
Health Science Technology

Biden era chemtrail push shatters particle records of Obama regime

Los Angeles–Private citizen journalists across the nation are reporting the thickest chemtrailing yet, as particle records reach historic highs in the first weeks of 2022.

Chemical particles are so dense that government poisons are visible to the naked eye, even at ground level, which is now hazy and adulterated with ‘unknowable’ vaccine chemicals.

Infrared gas-imaging cameras capture an oceanic 'chemsheet' with contrails for seams, as it is blown out to sea over the Atlantic. January 21, 2022
Infrared gas-imaging cameras capture an oceanic chemsheet, with contrails for seams, as it is blown out to sea over the Atlantic. January 21, 2022

High profile celebrity sheep dogs want to set an example, with veteran broadcaster Joe Rogan leading the pack.

“I’m wearing a mask all the time,” Rogan said on his Thursday podcast. “I’m wearing it in public, in my car, in my own house. Not out of fear of the phony Corona panic. I’m wearing it to protect myself from the chemtrails, dog. They’re putting vaccines in them now, so I’m running air filters around the clock, keyed into a — what’s it called, Jamie? — a hydrogen peroxide nebulizer. Trying to keep this government filth out of my lungs.”

Rogan, whose lifestyle runs the gamut of Eastern wisdom to wanton drug abuse, and was once rumored to be dead, now takes vitamin D supplements and wears two masks at all times.

“Hear me out. They’re hitting the biggest patriots with a one-two punch. It’s insane. First they come at us with the Corona panic, and the result is predictable. The people who are thinking for themselves, standing up for their freedoms, we all know it’s a scam. But is it?” Rogan asked. “When all the most pathetic sheeple are double masked, that’s when they really started to lay down the chemtrails, so thick that even strong people are having their good lungs give out on them. It hit me hard, really hard. And now that millions of people are dying, they can just blame it on the COVID. Call me a dumb liberal all you want, but I’m double masking my way through this one.”

These widespread suspicions appear to have been confirmed by investigators from Internet Chronicle, who impersonated Biden genocide officials, in order to speak to sales reps at Boeing, where access is limited to a privileged class of high powered mass killers.

Angstrom Troubador, a sales representative for Boeing, boasted to investigators that his project is the deadliest, and least-humane passenger jet the company has ever produced.

Each new Boeing aircraft comes with a reinforced jail cell, for unruly anti-maskers.
Each new Boeing aircraft comes with a reinforced jail cell, for unruly anti-maskers.

“Every new Boeing 747 produced will have a massively expanded chemtrail capacity and a steel-reinforced brig for unruly passengers who resist mask mandates,” Troubador said.

Troubador also gave investigators a sneak peek into Boeing’s new partnership with Google, the Boeing News Bar, a powerful machine learning tool that will force personally targeted fearmongering propaganda onto unwilling passengers.

“On the back of every headrest is the Boeing News Bar, which cannot be disabled,” Troubador said, peeling his lips back in a smile, revealing rows of teeth. “The Boeing News Bar is a live-updating ticker that shows passengers all the hottest takes, fakes and entertainment in real time. Something wicked this way comes.”

His eyes fell to our feet on the floor, and traced back up to our faces.

“More importantly,” Troubador said, “it will inspire fear among the weak-minded, and force them into Conformity+, an in-flight technology tailored for terror. Also, it will provide a humorous window into the antics of non-conformists who find themselves confined to the aircraft’s new brig.”

Troubador chuckled, winking at the investigator. He was onto us.

“Just like y’all, I fly First Class, all the way, so I don’t know what the animals in coach are doing,” Troubador went on. “I just know I’m up here in the blankets, watching Mulholland Drive, and getting my dick sucked like I’m on the Lolita Express. This one’s got a cell, too. So when the plebs in the back are acting up, flailing around like their silly January 6th play-acting is going to get them anywhere, I’ll flick over to the live view of the brig, to watch some screeching QAnon jagoff on the fucking News Bar! I love to see them fighting to not wear masks, even while we’re spraying them down with the poison. What could be better, right? Hilarious. Life after the Great Reset is going to be like heaven on earth.”

Boeing began production on the airliners in May of 2020, with at least twenty of the new 747s now airborne, and likely responsible for the bulk of thickening trails in the sky as well as malaise, lethargy, and dry skin reported by citizen journalists. Old airliners are being retrofitted with the new software and equipment at the breakneck pace of five per day.

The newest airliners in manufacture will be the first passenger jets in more than 50 years to feature in-house entertainment.

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Categories
Health Society

After running over five people and killing one, Dr. Troubadour walks away as if nothing happened

dr troubadour
Troubadour was cleared of any wrong-doing.

MIAMI, Fla.–Dr. Troubadour was cleared of charges Monday, immediately following a distressing incident in which he inexplicably drove onto a bike path, striking five pedestrians and killing one, as another suffers life-threatening injuries.

According to eyewitness reports, the doctor and former professor emeritus at M.I.T., Angstrom H. Troubadour, intentionally swerved into a bike lane following a confrontation with cyclists.

The remaining four victims lying in the path were handcuffed and are being detained by the Miami Police Department on charges of obstructing a bike lane.

Sgt. Bailey Bondsman said the victims are being brought in for questioning.

Still from cellphone video shows path of destruction where Troubadour drove onto a bike lane, striking at least five cyclists.
Still from cellphone video shows path of destruction where Troubadour drove onto a bike lane, striking at least five cyclists.

“We’re going to find out what they done to upset Dr. Troubadour, compelling him to drive into the bike lane,” he said. “Were they good people? I don’t know. You tell me. Some of them were not even wearing helmets.”

The renegade doctor spoke to reporters via Twitter Spaces from his Mar-a-Lago suite on Monday. Dr. Troubadour, belonging to a protected class of society, said he walked away unharmed by the cruelty of legal process.

“I stepped out of the car,” Dr. Troubadour said, “and this woman looked about ready to project her entire lifetime of bad choices onto me. She said, ‘Aren’t you sorry?’ Well, I escalated it, and I got in her face and I said, ‘What the fuck did you just say to me?'”

Dr. Troubadour, author of the best-selling 15 Emotions You Can Live Without, puffed out his fat hairy barrel chest and put both arms out in a shrugging motion – with raised shoulders and palms facing the sky – as his eyes burned with fresh anger.

“I said, ‘Yeah I’m sorry, alright. I’m sorry I didn’t hit you, too,’ and I told my girls to get their things, and I said, ‘Don’t let her negativity ruin our fun day.'”

A spokesman for Miami PD called Dr. Troubadour a 'model citizen,' adding that bikers should be more aware of his presence around the community.
A spokesman for Miami PD called Dr. Troubadour a ‘model citizen,’ asking that bikers be more aware of his presence around the community.

Witnesses who waited at the scene said Troubadour pulled over and parked next to the bike path. He was overheard through the driver’s side window saying he was on his way from one pain clinic to another– the RDJ Pain Management Center, near the beach.

Sources saw Troubadour grab his things before stepping out of the driver’s seat. He walked away from the scene with three women, one appearing to have pissed herself during the event. The women proceeded to get their purses, beach towels and drug paraphernalia from the Tesla, and also did not appear to look at the scene.

“He showed no emotion,” one bystander said, who asked not to be named. “I wouldn’t either. Don’t traumatize me talking bout ‘what I did to you.’ Walk on, Doctor, walk on.”

Another witness said Troubadour owned the situation by refusing to acknowledge the people sprawled out among bicycle parts, fresh dirt, and wet grass tracked onto the path. Jeremy Raison, 42, called it a ‘textbook play’ straight out of The Alphabet of Manliness, a book published by Maddox, and still remembered by some.

“He got out, didn’t look at nobody, refused eye contact, answered no questions, and left calmly,” Raison said. “There wasn’t no laying around in the grass, bellyaching, ‘Boo hoo, I got run over by a world-famous prestigious physician.’ He just went on. They don’t make them like that no more. You’ve got to be next-level fucked up to hit all those people, and just walk away.”

Attorneys for Troubadour are seeking damages for the incident, citing tremendous medical bills received from his home office, where he is treating himself for CPTSD as a result of trauma.

The four suspects slammed into by a car owned by Troubadour are being held at the Miami-Dade County Subterranean Dungeon Filled With Piss and Bile and High Level Monsters, where they will wait indefinitely, pending further charges.