I washed my face with shit for a week and the results were about what you’d expect

Since first signing up for Pinterest, I’ve seen countless pins promoting shit-based exfoliants and masques. According to groundbreaking research by Dr. Angstrom Human Shitladour, shit takes away puffy eyes, minimizes cellulite, and removes traces of dignity leftover after the last time a reader smeared shit on their faces. Dr. Shit’s 1982 study even states that […]

Bank of America introduces “Whites Only” ATMs

CHARLOTTE, N.C.–A beleaguered Bank of America has rolled back its woefully misguided effort to foster racial calm, after a ‘segregated ATM’ pilot program failed to catch on outside of its Charlotte, North Carolina test branches or headquarters. Dr. Cornel West came out against the ATMs on the basis of mendacity, stating the program has grotesque […]