Categories
Trolling

Lebal Drocer Valor Foundation to Secure Permanent Embassy Home For Julian Assange

Barrett Brown called the chronicle.su to express his enthusiasm for Weev's fundraising campaign.
Barrett Brown has been publicly criticizing Assange, who then got butthurt and took away his money.

Barrett Brown cussed that old Julian Assange for the last time. He cussed him bad enough, and a lady from the Courage Foundation wrote Barrett to notify him they were pulling his whistleblower aide.

After cutting ties to Barrett Brown, the Courage Foundation redirected funding to finance a lifetime lease on Julian Assange’s embassy hotel room, which would have run out soon without that money.

The money has been placed in a secondary fund, the Lebal Drocer Valor Foundation, to commemorate Assange’s bravery in Brown’s historic removal.

barrett brown removed from courage foundation

With Brown out of the way, Assange can resume carrying out transparency against his enemies.

The Valor Foundation: A New Dawn

Assange, no longer threatened by the imminence of the Pursuance Project, will sleep soundly tonight…if he can ignore the scratching sounds of Barrett carefully picking apart the floorboards, and crumbing for representation.

Categories
Trolling

Corporate Army smashes Dakota barbarians near lucrative pipeline

Faceless marauders crushed a Native Rebellion on Friday that threatened to impede construction of a sweet new oil pipeline across the Northern US.

Citing unfounded claims that oil pipelines leak into water supplies, opposition forces escalated their protest into a mounted assault that led to the injury of at least a few of their horses.

The sheriff’s department participated in the defense, having pledged allegiance to the neoliberal javelin of law, and vowed to smash savagery at its root, even if it means cleansing.

“Ethnic cleansing is not a word I like to use, because it evokes images of holocaust and genocide,” he said. “But we must leave all options on the table.”

Dakota Access Pipeline is projected to be profitable as FUCK and totally keep oil prices low as shit, y’all, so chill. Get those bad thoughts out of your heads. It’s gonna be DANK once that fucker gets built. I’m talking $1.99 per gallon until something like 2020! 93 octane!

Emperor Obama is watching the situation closely from his data-bath panoptisphere.

Categories
Special Interest Trolling

INTERNET CHRONICLE ‘SLAMMIN SPIKES’ AFTER EPIC DEATH HOAX

INTERNET – Lebal Drocer, Inc. is proud to announce a new milestone in clickbait perfection: Last week’s death hoax, Rob Ford Dead At 46, netted a record 4 million pageviews overnight as the world flocked to confirm the truth about former Toronto mayor Rob Ford.

“We were slammin spikes last night when chronicle.su – with the aide of 4chan, our personal army – tricked the world into believing Rob Ford’s lifestyle had finally caught up with him,” kilgoar, The Internet Chronicle Managing Editor, said.

But when the public discovered mayor Ford is alive and well, they logged on to The Internet Chronicle to express disbelief and outrage.

Lil Wayne death hoax

CHRONICLE.SU ANTHROPOLOGIST AND REAL DOCTOR Dr. Angstrom H. Trustworthy weighed in on the celebrity death hoax phenomenon, explaining it as a kind of punishment laid out by trolls for the CAPITAL SIN of idolatry:

“The thing about these spikes,” Troubadele said, “is you get addicted. Addicted as fuck, even.”

Troubadong described the satisfaction Chronicle staff take from hoaxing as “an orgasmic rush of power and ego.”

Big hits, Troaddsmith said, are a euphoria that clouds his vision and leaves him with powerful headaches.

“When a hoax goes international, man, it’s like being wrapped in a warm blanket and talking to your best friend. It also makes you want to kill yourself because you work for years to create quality, wholesome content, only to find the public rushing like banshees after a piece of candy you dropped. You weaponize language like that because you want to see their celebrity worship hurt them.”

This article is part of an ongoing series known as Miley Analytics
This article is part of a series called Miley Analytics.

See also: Rob Ford holds numerous world records in the terror simulation game Coke Fiend 3.