Qanon Dead at Clinton Pizza Party #TheStormHasSettled

INTERNET — Hillary Clinton’s famous bodyguard and Q-Clearance Intelligence Agent “Q Anon”, known for leaking secret information, or “crumbs,” to an audience of millions of devotees, died Friday following a fatal priapism in Washington DC. ‘Q’, as his fans know him, suddenly lost consciousness when his penis ruptured from a prolonged erection while standing guard […]

Papa John’s Pizza announces Watermelon Pizza

INTERNET – Wednesday, Papa John Snader of Papa John’s Pizza unveiled a new watermelon and fried chicken pizza set to hit pizza joints around the nation next month. This comes after neo-nazi groups celebrated Papa John’s pizza franchising as the “official pizza of white supremacy.” Appearing before cameras, Papa John told reporters, “There are good folks […]

Donald Trump supporters “raping back” after anti-racist protestors shut down rally in Chicago

CHICAGO — Friday night after protestors blocked a Donald Trump rally, frustrated Trump supporters fought back by gang raping people of color. Riot police, outraged by infringements upon The Apprentice stars’ First Amendment rights, massaged their engorged organs from behind the privacy of bullet proof shields, beating at anyone who tried to escape the brutish […]