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Obituaries Society

Ghislaine Maxwell found dead in apparent suicide

“Hanged in her cell.” — CO Report

  • DOX NEWS: Reports of the death of Jeffrey Epstein estate madame casts doubts as to whether the names of more powerful offenders will ever come to light.
  • Infamous “little black book” still with authorities.
  • Leaders warned of “sweeping implications”

NEW YORK—Early reports state that guards working at Brooklyn Metropolitan Detention Center in New York have discovered the body of former Jeffrey Epstein estate madame and prolific human trafficker Ghislaine Maxwell. The correctional officer’s report states that following a power outage, two guards later found Maxwell hanging in her cell, after being left unattended as workers investigated the cause of the outage. She was 60.

Her family said they feared for her life in February, when Jean-Luc Brunel, another associate who worked with human trafficker and child rapist Jeffrey Epstein, was found dead in his Paris cell.

Reports indicate there is no footage of the event.

Warden Jeremy Whitlock said, “The batteries in the cameras monitoring Ms. Maxwell’s block failed, and so no footage of her suicide was obtained.”

Ghislaine Maxwell, pictured with Jeffrey Epstein, is dressed like the Captain of child abuse.

Internet watchdog groups and skeptic tanks think Jeremy Whitlock says a lot of things, and have sounded the alarm. A group known pejoratively as “truthers” are reportedly amassing a caravan of campers and minivans, with the stated intention of moving their group of an estimated 300 transients onto the White House lawn by next weekend.

The group, calling themselves the Maxwells, hopes the stunt will draw attention to the obvious protections from justice established by a global elite class of criminals. Unfortunately, the tired and drug-addicted people involved do not seem ready to say words like that out of their slack-jawed, open mouths. Standing tall, and waiting ahead of them is a theatrical regimen of National Guard troops, armed and looking for anything out of the ordinary. However, the Maxwells are not deterred.

Jamie Jo Corne (Jamie Brinkman)
Trailboss Jamie Jo Corne

A Maxwell, and user calling herself Trailboss: Jamie Jo Corne (TBJJC) registers orders to a loyal following of federated truck drivers, over a media platform recently launched by Donald Trump. She also uses a CB radio to spread her message, the post says, which is “received by a cacaphony of ‘amens’ and 10-4s.”

“We’ve heard all we need to hear about the so-called facts,” Corne writes in her statement. “This molester died, and she knew all the names of the world’s most elite child rapists, and we’re supposed to believe she did it at the exact moment that the fucking lights went out? What’s it going to take to put a fire under the asses of every senator, statesman, and known devil-worshipping child sacrificer in the capitol?”

The post received hundreds of likes and reposts, which is a lot on Truth Social.

Ghislaine was survived by her four siblings. Brother Max “The Beast” Maxwell told reporters, “She was innocent, I tell ya. Innocent. All this child trafficking QAnon bullshit can suck my cock. Suck my cock from here to Timbuktu. Now fuck off!”

[Editor’s note: these remarks were left out of the Hate Radio Morning Edition broadcast, but are included here for posterity.]

Sick fans mourn the loss of the most prolific known human trafficker and rapist Maxwell. Devotees know that Maxwell, in addition to hurting children – and perhaps overshadowed by the cruelty of her crime – also went after men.

Information taken from court documents reveal that Ghislaine was admired in certain circles for her second life as a serial rapist, approaching over 36 men on various social media websites including Myspace, Facebook, and YouTube. Her posts included detailed information about her favorite manipulation regimes.

After first bamboozling a target with sex-bombing, she would then crank the hate down on them with a practiced emperor-palpatine like command. By stages she would break their will down to nothing. Finally, she would lure them into abandoned buildings, cut their dicks off, make plaster castings, thus adding to her collection of limp penises, and thus increase her own perverse enjoyment.

“It was fucked up,” says Albert H. Troiler, the lead investigator wrote in his report to the New York District Attorney after working the case. “You never seen nothing like it.”

Proceeds from The TerraMar Project, a foundation Maxwell created to conserve the world’s oceans, are being turned over the Bill and Melinda Gates Foundation, a portion of which the Gates say will be spent toward ‘Save The Children.’

Melinda French Gates, former wife of Bill Gates, said “We want to regulate the trafficking of children. Make sure it’s done ehtically, legally, so people can be safe about it. No more black markets for children, but safe spaces, with legal barriers to abuse.”

The coronor’s report might not come out for months, as investigators process new details, still coming in.

“Or we mignt never hear nothing at all,” Corne writes. “They might just sweep this whole thing under the rug, and pretend for 20 years like she’s still alive and well, up there in Brooklyn, hanging out with her rich prisoner friends.”

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Shortage of faith leaders and exorcists to blame for demon-inspired school shootings

LUTHERVILLE, MD — Faith leaders across America are reporting a sudden shortage in exorcists and other niche faith services due to hyperinflation, causing a catastrophic rise in demonic possessions and school shootings.
This report comes on the heels of the shooting in Uvalde, in which the shooter’s grandmother was targeted by a demon in possession of her grandson. The grandmother, originally from the Gustavo A. Madero in Mexico City, is a prolific exorcist utilizing traditional catholic methods transferred to her in a vision from the Lady of Guadalupe at her shrine in Tepeyac. Others in the faith community believe  the demon feared the grandmother for her lifetime of exorcism. After sustaining injuries from the demon, she may never be able to exorcise again.
Reverend Angstrom H. Troubador said, “Demons are infiltrating society through porn, masturbation, video games, but worst of all, politics. Churches across America are becoming dangerously politicized, giving entrance to demons and turning Jesus off to the sermons.”
Troubador added, “Obviously the demons are targeting younger and younger children, trying to bring children of a sinful society to hell before they ever have a chance to repent. Even worse, the demons are grooming disaffected young men to do their bidding through mass marketed satanist ritual. It’s been reported that the Uvalde shooter’s browser history was littered with Miley Cyrus twerking performances.”
The shooter’s mother said, “He was a perfect angel until the demon took control. The demon came in at him through the internet, through social media, through Miley.”
The pall of death has been cast over Lutherville, Maryland, where local officials recently banned prayer from schools.
Mayor Gunther Setback feels the town’s new anti-faith measures will lead to perdition, “The idea that this could happen here is unthinkable. But I can tell you just how it will go down. Because not enough praying or thinking is happening, now God is planning a mass shooting at any targets that are not fortified by faith — another school most likely, where prayer is not allowed.”
Thursday classes are cancelled and families are considering keeping their kids home Friday, after the mayor’s statements frightened Christians and angered local Atheists. Many children have chosen to stay home and pray in defiance of their parents and the school board’s wishes, some even going so far as to organize open carry anti-demon walkouts.
“I’m doing my part. Dad bought me a gun and sissy a gun.” says Billy Mashoter, age nine. Mashoter festooned his gun with stickers, symbols of faith, and inspirational messages hand-written in white paint. “Guns are the only answer to the demon problem now that there’s no more priests left in our state. I put these symbols on my gun so it can only be used to slay demons.”
Young Mashoter rifles through his Huggy Wuggy backpack, showing reporters a collection of highly specialized ammunition while YouTube videos play through an algorithm of bizarre and disturbing content. Anthropomorphic guns are coming to life and singing cheery tunes about manifestos, promising life-for-a-life retribution at each abortion in America. A claymation Sodom and Gomorrah scene plays out, guns singing in staccato bursts,
“We root and we toot
we aim and we maim
You scream and scoot
and we shoot the lame
The devil himself holding the gun
while god pulls the trigger
Satan, laughing, spreads his wings.
Repent now! Set up recurring payments to the NRA and watch god really start smiling.
Pick up a gun!
Pick up a gun,
Put satan on the run.”
At the dilapidated police station which somehow accounts for nearly 80% of the county’s tax expenditure, Derek Shelton, Sheriff of Lutherville, insults Internet Chronicle journalists before a single question has been asked. “Suck my fucking pistol, motherfucker. Blue lives matter” his cadence rises and falls with the owl-like twisting of his demon-infested head. “You want to know my goddamn plan for the impending demonic assault on our elementary school? We’re going to let it happen. We’ll secure the hallway and wait for the real cops to show up, the immigration enforcers and until then, we’ll keep the citizens in order. Then when the kids are all lying on the floor bleeding, maybe we’ll mace the  god damn paramedics, too.”
Shelton noticed a little green alien in his peripheral vision, interrupting his sermon.
“Who the hell is he?” Shelton asked. No one else saw the alien.

The Internet Chronicle remains fun for “both sides” thanks to cats being thrown into rivers in a burlap sack, and contributions from people like you. Scum people. Nobodies. Nothings such as yourself, the reader.

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Old Man Eddie’s cabin is hidden amongst the flowering cannabis plants

The Internet Chronicle, long believed to be a disinformation platform and an injection point for feds wishing to contact the internet’s top hackers, was confirmed Friday to be cooperating with lead psychological operators who cut their teeth on groups like LulzSec and Lizard Squad.

Agent Robert Smith confirmed the leaks after Anonymous investigators confronted him with the documents outside FBI Headquarters in Washington, D.C.
The documents show snitch-ass writers hatesec and kilgoar were entrapped by the amazingly talented writer Tyler Bass, who never approved of their brand of “comedy” and would often publish 150-inch paragraphs inundated with references only he understood. Years later, however, the hidden significance of his important works manifested in the form of handcuffs around his former colleagues.
“We were always there when the party was busted,” kilgoar said. “But we walked. We always walked, until that fateful day when we came across old man Eddie. We were going through some fields, following a trail of psychedelic mushrooms when we came across a holler full of marijuana and an old man pointing a gun at us from a seemingly abandoned house.
“Hatesec smooth talked our way right into that man’s dilapidated parlor, and seeing my fiddle, the old man puts the gun down and whips out his banjo, starts playing some ethereal ambience. I strained to follow the music, which could only exist in this forgotten place and was so distant from anything I’d previously imagined. Eddie said he was the oldest man in West Virginia, 115 years. But our walk could not have possibly taken us as far as West Virginia, and by appearance he was no older than 90, so maybe he was confused on that point. So we get to jamming, but it was hard for me to follow him and I asked him what key he’s playing in. He gets to talking about how the atmosphere is a secret that will die with him, and I just shrug and try to find some simple melody that will go along. He got aggravated by this, scowling as soon as it started to sound halfway right, and might have picked up his gun if I had continued. He said to me, ‘The trick is it’s tuned to the resonance of yonder,’ as he gestured toward the mountains with his banjo. ‘But it really ain’t tuning, not properly.'”
“Over the next several hours we learned that he had invented many common jokes and sayings, including ‘barn burner’, claiming that he was indeed the man who had lit the proverbial fire with a bottle of moonshine and a 12 gauge double barrel shotgun loaded with Dragon’s Breath. At this image, hatesec brought up the CEO of Lebal Drocer, Raleigh Sakers, as this was his favorite way of burning evidence. At the mention of his name, Eddie’s hospitality was shattered. ‘I taught Raleigh everything he knows, and then some! That little son of a bitch betrayer! Did he send you? Did he?'”
“Eddie whipped out his double barrel, got on the phone with the local sheriff, and the next thing you know that fat bald fucker hit us with 115 counts of trespassing, one for each year of Eddie’s life, he tells us this, and he’s set our bail in the billions, as a gag. Raleigh is on the phone screaming about how he’s going to have Eddie’s cabin droned. Turns out old man Eddie is the mastermind behind QAnon, the alt right, and things much less wholesome than a lil ol’ barn burner, and he’s been manipulating Tyler Bass against us for years.”
The entire staff of Internet Chronicle is now facing over 20,000 years in jail merely for merely clicking a link.