Papa John’s Pizza announces Watermelon Pizza

INTERNET – Wednesday, Papa John Snader of Papa John’s Pizza unveiled a new watermelon and fried chicken pizza set to hit pizza joints around the nation next month. This comes after neo-nazi groups celebrated Papa John’s pizza franchising as the “official pizza of white supremacy.” Appearing before cameras, Papa John told reporters, “There are good folks […]

Donald Trump supporters “raping back” after anti-racist protestors shut down rally in Chicago

CHICAGO — Friday night after protestors blocked a Donald Trump rally, frustrated Trump supporters fought back by gang raping people of color. Riot police, outraged by infringements upon The Apprentice stars’ First Amendment rights, massaged their engorged organs from behind the privacy of bullet proof shields, beating at anyone who tried to escape the brutish […]

Molly Crabapple calls for American Troops to intervene in Syria

INTERNET — Molly Crabapple tweeted Monday, “The US needs to launch an all-out ground assault on Syria to end Assad’s war crimes in Madaya,” Crabapple reiterated her position that US commanders are “pussies” for hesitating to bomb brown people so close to the Charlie Hebdo anniversary, adding, “Je Suis Charlie.” Rachel Haywire, founder of the […]