Categories
Obituaries

Hillary Clinton pronounced dead after massive adrenochrome overdose

INTERNET — Fans mourn the loss of Hillary Rodham Clinton, who served as First Lady to the 42nd President and was confirmed to be dead in October, at 73 years old.
At this year’s Comet Pizza 9/11 Anniversary, attended by high ranking Elites in the Democratic Party, an already visibly-ill Hillary Clinton was struck dead after a wild, animal-like devouring of thousands of pineal glands, some harvested from “Indigo Children,” whose glands are much richer in Adrenochrome.
Following a proper military funeral, including a 21-gun salute, Mrs. Clinton’s body was dumped into the Marianas Trench from the deck of the USS Jimmy Carter, a Seawolf Class Fast-Attack Nuclear Submarine.
Cedar Rapids

Although confidential sources were able to pass along news of the event, media blackout and government coverups continue, as Hillary is set to appear in the media for years to come through the extensive apparatus of black ops CGI, AI deepfakes, and plastic surgery impersonationists.

Hillary’s high-profile death quickly overshadowed the death of her daughter, who was “iced” by hitmen sent by Ghislane Maxwell and the estate of Jefferey Epstein.
According to a witness close to the family in the 90s, Clinton Patriarch President Bill Clinton was “well aware” of what was going on with Chelsea and Epstein. In fact he encouraged it and has expressed no regrets, going so far as to fondly recall his wife’s fanciful techniques for devouring the “soul center” of a child’s brain.
“Hillary was always the life of the party. She’d throw those pineal glands up in the air and catch ’em in her mouth, like an ol’ gator,” President Clinton told a shocked group of funeral attendees aboard the USS Jimmy Carter, composed mostly of military officials who kept close watch.
Sheriff Miles Hanks of Kingston Oklahoma, and Chairman of the 3% Oathkeepers, held a press release, issuing an ultimatum to the Federal Government, where he revealed a massive mural, filling the entirety of the Kingston County High School gym.
There he explained how the painting, entitled The Last Supper, featured the cherubic faces of all 10,000 children whose pineal glands were reportedly devoured by Hillary in her final sitting. Miles described unveiling the art as “a burden lifted” after carrying this information for so long, able only to subtly share it among passersby in town, on patrol, or shopping around yard sales.
“What was supposed to be only an ingredient,” Miles said, “became the main course in a sadistic ritual the likes of which haven’t been seen since the ‘good old days’ of Comet Pizza. She buried her face in a bowl of pineal glands – the source of a child’s soul – and had such a time, she whipped her head around back and forth, with her tongue out, in ecstasy. She motorboated them.”
In light of what he has called “heavy knowledge,” Miles said the Adrenochrome harvest in Kingston is over.
I’ve been talking to a lot of Sheriffs on Facebook around the nation,” he said. We’re going to take extraordinary steps to protect the children of our counties and stop this sick practice of the elites.”
Sheriff Hanks paused. He looked at the audience before him and, holding his thumb and forefinger one hair apart, he said, “We’re this close to the storm. Secession across the nation, county by county. If all the patriotic counties and sheriffs reject both the corrupt state and federal governments, there’s nothing they can do.”
Hillary’s part in the Clinton Foundation has been dissolved. Assets and liquidity are going to the restoration of a majestic temple located in the Virgin Islands (U.S.).
No further information is available at whitehouse.gov. This is the news mainstream media doesn’t want you to read.
Categories
Obituaries

Dead and Bloatware: John McAfee dead at 75

BARCELONA — Fans mourn the loss of antivirus magnate John McAfee, who died early Sunday morning at his secret houseboat on the Mediterranean Sea, near Spain.

Goodnight Sweet Prince: 1945 - 2021

1945 – 2021

John was pronounced dead on Wednesday, June 23. Cause of death was listed as “drowning associated with piracy in international waters,” concluded by a burial at sea. He was 75.

John is survived by his wife, Janice McAfee.

Reports have emerged of John McAfee supporters installing McAfee Antivirus on their machines in his honor.

Because no will was entered into the public record, John’s charity for underprivileged children online, The Little Johnny Foundation, will dissolve.

Remaining assets are to be turned over to Deep State International for future disbursement to an undisclosed bitcoin address.

Avast, ye Matey!

John, who grew up in Roanoke, Virginia, successfully killed a man in Belize but would later suffer from a damaging tax scandal spanning the world wide. When John recently failed to fake his own death, he was forced into a deadly game of cat-and-mouse, prompting Spanish conspirators to launch pirate ships in his general direction. Now, today, a wife is without her husband.

Categories
News Obituaries

From Life to Death: Larry Tesler cut and pasted

You ever want to take shit from over here, to over there?

So did Larry Tesler. Because computers are faster at editing than sharp tools, the ability to cut and paste pages worth of material was a godsend to writers, and a natural transformation of computer technology so critical to life today, that it’s hard to believe one magical man, up in the sky, could have possibly delivered it to us. Seems like we would have come up with that on our own, eventually. Thanks anyway, Larry.

No, but seriously

Stenographers hate him!

Larry Tesler became King of the Keyboard with one simple trick.

Fans mourn Larry, acclaimed inventor of Copy and Paste.exe for Windows ME Year 2000 Edition and up. They said it couldn’t be done. He copied and pasted their bleating doubts:

It can’t be done!

–The ignorant flock who doubted Larry Tesla

So he gets credit for copy and paste from way back in the day. He might not have even enforced a patent on it. We don’t pay royalties. Do you?

The Internet Chronicle is raising money for Tarry’s surviving family members. Find the email on here and send us a link to whatever you got. Some kids are missing their daddy right now as he’s wallowing in the Satanic mire of celestial damnation, and by Gum, we’re gonna collect on it.

Because only God has the power to create in one hand while destroying with the other. In this sense, Larry Tesler was God.

Or so he believed

God threw Larry in Hell for leading people away from Him. Tesler was a good man, but this mortal life got away with him. He moved on from copying and pasting lines of code, to cutting and pasting to directories and fro. His experiments grew.

Cut and Paste, Larry that’s real cute, as you burn in Hell for all eternity, after playing God.

Eventually, his incessant copying and pasting of humanity itself bloomed like algae to consume all the world around him, transforming his once happy existence, which he shared on a countryside with a dog, and the dog’s loving family, into a nightmarish paradox realm where creation and destruction behave as one.

It goes without saying, God got mad. The townsfolk were upset. Even Mayor Bloomberg threw a little money down.

Larry Tesla felt the sting of Satan’s pitchforks jabbing into him — the Devil’s opening salvo — to mark the occasion of Tesla’s permanent damnation, and banishment to the eternal pit of lost souls.

Larry Tesla, who now only hears the moaning wails of tortured nonbelievers, worked for Apple from 1980 to 1997, growing the company to a lovable, artist-oriented development suite before leaving. Larry would not see the company become a phone-based, product as a subscription-based whatever the fuck.

Otherwise, Larry lived a good life. He was “a pretty good ol’ boy.”

Rock solid. Made to last. Bitch I ain’t no trick.

I’m finna cut that ass, and paste it on my dick.

–Larry “Fuck the Police” Tesla (1999 dubtrack)