INTERNET — Fans mourn the loss of Edward Snowden, the NSA whistleblower who fled his post in Hawaii after revealing the facts of pervasive surveillance of American Citizens.
Snowden was found dead from a cardiac arrest in his apartment outside of Kursk. He is survived by his wife, Lindsay, and his son Vladimir. Snowden had no previous history of heart disease.
Snowden attorney Ben Wisner said, “Team Snowden is investigating the possibility of assassination, but even the basic fact of whether this heinous presumed killing was organized by Russia, China, the United States, or some joint task force remains to be seen. We’re checking all possibilities.”
Among Snowden’s most famous revelations included details of the radio array known as HAARP, which is employed for stealth assassinations of enemies of the United States, including Michael Hastings. Snowden also notably disclosed documents revealing the threat of hostile UAPs, years before this story was featured on Joe Rogan’s podcast, as well as Monsanto’s use of chemtrailing to destroy competing crop genomes.
Expert in international cybersecurity, Dr. Angstrom H. Troubador of the institute of Global HATE, said, “Team Snowden are a bunch of paranoid LARPers. I’m pretty sure, just shootin’ from the hip here, that Dog the Bounty Hunter finally got to him, after all these years. They say you can’t get away from The Dog.”
INTERNET — Fans mourn the loss of journalist and social media pundit Tim Pool, 35, who passed suddenly after a monoclonal antibody treatment for COVID-19 wore off, Friday morning.
Pool recently appeared on Fox News in tears and arguing for his freedom to dodge the very vaccine that would have surely saved his life.
Tim Pool’s meteoric rise to fame came as he covered the Occupy Wall Street movement in 2012, documenting every single incident of property damage and leading to several arrests.
From that point on, Pool said he was “destined” to parlay his fame as a riot livestreamer for the more alluring role of a straight-talking political influencer, shilling for the Trump 2020 campaign, even earning several “favs” from President Trump himself.
While some have criticized Pool’s suicidal trajectory during the pandemic, Pool’s friends are more circumspect. “There’s great liberty in sickness, and especially death,” Cassandra Fairbanks said, cuddling her pet monkey, Hillary. “If Americans want to incubate a deadly virus in their bodies for a few weeks, go around without masks on coughing and wheezing down at the Bojangles, only to have their lungs rot out in the hallway of an overloaded hospital, that’s their constitutional right. That’s the American Dream, man. And Tim Pool lived every last breath of it. Give us Liberty and Give Us Death!”
INTERNET — Fans mourn the loss of Hillary Rodham Clinton, who served as First Lady to the 42nd President and was confirmed to be dead in October, at 73 years old.
At this year’s Comet Pizza 9/11 Anniversary, attended by high ranking Elites in the Democratic Party, an already visibly-ill Hillary Clinton was struck dead after a wild, animal-like devouring of thousands of pineal glands, some harvested from “Indigo Children,” whose glands are much richer in Adrenochrome.
Following a proper military funeral, including a 21-gun salute, Mrs. Clinton’s body was dumped into the Marianas Trench from the deck of the USS Jimmy Carter, a Seawolf Class Fast-Attack Nuclear Submarine.
Cedar Rapids
Although confidential sources were able to pass along news of the event, media blackout and government cover–ups continue, as Hillary is set to appear in the media for years to come through the extensive apparatus of black ops CGI, AI deepfakes, and plastic surgery impersonationists.
Hillary’s high-profile death quickly overshadowed the death of her daughter, who was “iced” by hitmen sent by Ghislane Maxwell and the estate of Jefferey Epstein.
According to a witness close to the family in the 90s, Clinton Patriarch President Bill Clinton was “well aware” of what was going on with Chelsea and Epstein. In fact he encouraged it and has expressed no regrets, going so far as to fondly recall his wife’s fanciful techniques for devouring the “soul center” of a child’s brain.
“Hillary was always the life of the party. She’d throw those pineal glands up in the air and catch ’em in her mouth, like an ol’ gator,” President Clinton told a shocked group of funeral attendees aboard the USS Jimmy Carter, composed mostly of military officials who kept close watch.
Sheriff Miles Hanks of Kingston Oklahoma, and Chairman of the 3% Oathkeepers, held a press release, issuing an ultimatum to the Federal Government, where he revealed a massive mural, filling the entirety of the Kingston County High School gym.
There he explained how the painting, entitled The Last Supper, featured the cherubic faces of all 10,000 children whose pineal glands were reportedly devoured by Hillary in her final sitting. Miles described unveiling the art as “a burden lifted” after carrying this information for so long, able only to subtly share it among passersby in town, on patrol, or shopping around yard sales.
“What was supposed to be only an ingredient,” Miles said, “became the main course in a sadistic ritual the likes of which haven’t been seen since the ‘good old days’ of Comet Pizza. She buried her face in a bowl of pineal glands – the source of a child’s soul – and had such a time, she whipped her head around back and forth, with her tongue out, in ecstasy. She motorboated them.”
In light of what he has called “heavy knowledge,” Miles said the Adrenochrome harvest in Kingston is over.
“I’ve been talking to a lot of Sheriffs on Facebook around the nation,” he said.“We’re going to take extraordinary steps to protect the children of our counties and stop this sick practice of the elites.”
Sheriff Hanks paused. He looked at the audience before him and, holding his thumb and forefinger one hair apart, he said, “We’re this close to the storm. Secession across the nation, county by county. If all the patriotic counties and sheriffs reject both the corrupt state and federal governments, there’s nothing they can do.”
Hillary’s part in the Clinton Foundation has been dissolved. Assets and liquidity are going to the restoration of a majestic temple located in the Virgin Islands (U.S.).
No further information is available at whitehouse.gov. This is the news mainstream media doesn’t want you to read.
INTERNET — Fans mourn the loss of Edward Snowden, the NSA whistleblower who fled his post in Hawaii after revealing the facts of pervasive surveillance of American Citizens.
