Pentagon declassifies footage of UFOs getting the hell away from Earth

WASHINGTON, D.C. — The Pentagon has declassified breathtaking video footage that clearly shows UFOs getting the absolute fuck away from the Earth as fast as scientifically possible. In this previously leaked footage, Navy Cmdr. David Fravor and his massive unit were sent to check out strange, unidentified objects descending from 80,000 to 20,000 feet, and […]

Man who recently appeared from another universe now ‘freaking everybody out’

Richmond — A Virginia man calling himself the Leader of Hellish Realms Too Terrible to Know, has claimed responsibility for the virgin pregnancies of more than 40 women and girls in the mountainous regions surrounding the isolationist Roanoke Valley. The 1,342,227-year-old prophet’s identity is still largely unknown, but many of the girls say they were […]