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Will Smith files for divorce from Jada Pinkett Smith

Reports indicate the Chris Rock and Jada Pinkett Smith are currently fucking, as Will Smith files final divorce papers.

INTERNET — Just weeks after Will Smith slapped Chris Rock at the Academy Awards, the actor and rapper is announcing he will be divorcing his wife of 25 years, Jada Pinkett Smith.

Jada Pinkett Smith was photographed escorting Chris Rock on Hollywood Boulevard Wednesday after their final divorce papers were filed. Rock told paparazzi, “Big Willie’s mistake was I’m into GI Jane. She’s hot! I like it when a woman pops off.”

Rock was later seen striking a paparazzi photographer, who got up in Jada Pinkett Smith’s face with his camera. Rock dramatically slapped the camera and shouted, “You keep my woman outta your lens!” The gaggle of onlookers broke into uproarious laughter.

This second slapping incident follows the suspicious swatting of Chris Rock, which took place just hours after media first reported Rock’s steamy new public affair with Jada Pinkett Smith. Rock was unharmed, and there is no word on official attribution, only a vague message from a hacker group called BigWillieSec, warning Rock that they will “simp slap” him again, if he continues to fuck Jada.

Jada Pinkett Smith announced her affair with Rock on Monday, posting on Instagram that the couple “found love in the midst of controversy,” as they posed in front of the Hollywood sign. Amber Heard, embroiled in another celebrity drama focusing on female on male mind-control and abuse, commented on the Instagram post to congratulate Jada Pinkett Smith on being a “True Queen.”


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Prank turns deadly when silly string ignites during a Satanic ritual fire

Related news (ignore this stuff)

  • Evil John Lennon and Sinister Paul McCartney go triple platinum after writing hit banger, “Got to Get You Into My Strife.”
  • Mark David Chapman demonstrates how a practical joke that seems like a harmless lark can quickly turn deadly.
  • Chapman sprays them with silly string, which is fun, until an exposed candle ignites the pile of string.
  • The pop duo embraces, creating a single flame.
  • What happens next will leave you horrified!
Ukraine nuclear bomb blast detected
Final images from Earth.

CLASS I BORDERLESS NATION — My table top is lit by some makeshift candlelight. It’s black. A pile of burning what is certainly wax. It’s so I can write. Unrolling my papers, my scattered pages fall to the floor. These are my documents. The candle suffocates me with its black smoke, but it conceals the light.

A screeching interrupts my thoughts. It’s them.

This is where I am. God help us everyone. What’s happened to our world? Here is how I think we got here. This scorched hellscape. This nothing zone where plants no longer grow, and them: In Their Satanic Majesty, they soar in wicked dominion.

Here is what happened.

Evil John Lennon, man as he was, stood upright, never smoked at all, and has a proclivity for being exceptionally kind to his women and wives.

Sinister Paul. Now here was a man with his shit together. Tattooed and ugly, the “Badboy of Great Britain” Paul McCartney drank it, shot it, snorted it or worse. On his free time, he savagely tortures good souls in Hell.

Together with Rude Ringo and George “Rotten Crotch” Harrison, they wrote the number-one charting hit masterpiece “Got To Get You Into My Strife.” A fun jingle about pulling others into their dark underworld, when played backwards, its psychedelic harmonies become nightmarish spells that when heard, turned rabid fans tame, at the band’s command.

They used this to gain control of the Western Territories, decimating it as they claimed more, until so little of the nations remained, borders all but became meaningless.

Ringo said, “I should get paid for all the time I stand around, slapping my hips and my thighs, like I’m playing the drums, innit.”

John, exhaling cleaner air than what he breathed in, took off his sunglasses, and he turned to me, done signing my book.

“Next,” John said.

Even today, I crave the dismissal. I looked back at John one last time, knowing he was the Devil himself.

Paul, too. The son of a bitch that swooped down from the sky, and with his talons spread open wide swooped down, and scooped out my eyes.

I must have unlocked their powers. No, it certainly happened then. As I “sought revenge” for my ego bruising, I burst and hoped to surprise them. Hoped to catch them unawares in a playful bit of fun, just to let them know, I’m down with the Devil, and I really like their hateful style. I stopped by the party store, and picked up two cans of Silly String. What a gag!

I met them at a candlelit ritual, held every full moon. The town gathered here. As I struck out alone, deep in the forest is where first I saw it: Two flat pink ribbons, rippling in the night, sailed over me like some twirling owl.

As I got closer, the din of voices carried. Familiar voices. I crept in closer. I heard the voices of a teller, a teacher, my wife and a preacher. Not sure what that was about, it will come to me later. There! Ringo was dancing. Paul played the lute, and Linda, still missing that leg, danced. What a hoot.

I sensed an owl watching me as I approached closer, and closer to John, locked arm-in-arm with his band-mate Evil Paul, at an unbridled Satanic ritual pentagram dance. Around the candlelit center they’d go. The owl’s gaze turned, next, to them. All at once, the chanting stopped, everyone turned suddenly and they all looked at me. Heck, I like the Devil.

Surprise! I yelled, and I jumped out from a shadow. I hosed those Brits down with my silly string, blasting both at one time. Everyone turned to me, dumbfounded.

Ain’t I a stinka?

A familiar voice, the airy, nasally, unmistakable voice of John Lennon spoke to me.

“Mark David Chapman?” John asked.

I froze.

“You know me?” I said.

“Of course,” John replied. “I remember everybody I dismiss from my presence. Come here you old brute.”

He tried to pull me in for a hug, but I back away, not wanting to get silly string on my expensive 19th Century peacoat.

Being good-natured as he was, Evil John took it well enough in stride, that is until he took one step backward and – unable to see – stepped on a candle. His clothing ignited and in an instant, his entire body, including the face, was fully engulfed in flames. The fire clung to the string, and melted on his skin like a bubbling napalm jelly.

That is when Paul must have felt the calling. John turned to his songwriting partner and, burning calmly, opened his arms. They hugged. One laughed to the other, as they embraced and both started to burn.

The owl flew away.

Just like that, the party exploded into dance, and as the bodies were writhing, and as the devils came entranced, the fires of old Hell itself seemed to be rising, climbing through the dirt. A beast cried out, demonstrating the true source of thunder.

Now as I lay here suffering, waiting for the night creatures to take me, or the windstorm of bloodsands to weather down my flesh, the scene plays out, over and over again in my head. My instincts drag me to life. Meanwhile, I pray Death may snatch me from this living nightmare, cast like projections from the eyes of the Devil himself, burned onto film of the ritual fires, and rolling into me like four blurry waterfalls, peeking over the ridge.

They are still out there. I still hear their wings beating on the horizon.

They know where I am.

They hunt.

This fine literary work is brought to you proudly by TerrorMax, a Lebal Drocer Product.

TerrorMax. Trust only the medicine.

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Exclusive Interview: Barrett Brown in critical condition after synthetic drug-fueled meltdown

Barrett Brown contacted Internet Chronicle, Saturday, demanding an urgent interview after recent comments about fake transexual activists caused a stir among the digital activist community. Dr. Angstrom H. Troubador spoke to Brown, who was visibly seething and high on synthetic drugs first developed by John McAfee, which have put him into a state of perpetual social media meltdown.
Dr. AHT: You’ve been demanding we change our show’s scheduling, throw together material out of nowhere, and jump to attention just for this interview. Fine, we’ve done it for you, are you happy? What the hell was so important anyway?
BB: Your former writer, Jaime Cochran was an FBI asset, and as such, I don’t know if she’s really dead, or just returned to her old life as a cisgender fed. She was part of the pilot program, probably FBI or CIA, which was developing fake trans infiltrators into Anonymous from the Woke Nazi Mafia, an assorted collection of former leaders of Anonymous bought out by Peter Thiel. Thiel created her fake trans persona just to see what they could get away with. The Nazis did it too, many of the Nazis were gay. Their victims also were gay.
Dr. AHT: Ah, that’s… interesting. You’ve previously said that you would exclusively appear only on what you’ve called “black activist media.” Why is that? And why have you made an exception for this interview?
BB: Black Activist Media knows what it’s like to be infiltrated. They can understand when I tell them, these trans people in Anonymous aren’t real. Almost none of them are real. It is very important for black activists to know Jeremy Hammond, Kirtaner, Libby, Neal Rauhauser, and everyone I’ve ever beefed with are feds, and also that the feds are using transexuality to evade detection. You see, white activists have trouble understanding the threat, no offense to you all, but I’m much more comfortable around black folks. In fact, being here with you white people is making me uncomfortable.
Dr. AHT: Offense taken, but I’m not sure at what exactly. How do you respond to allegations that you are a long-time associate of the racist Daily Stormer system administrator Weev?
BB: We used to play Crusader Kings, we’d take over Europe and the Middle East. So it’s a funny story, Weev was always in my chats and I kept getting kicked out of his. So we would fight it out, carve up Palestine between the two of us. He would just charge in like Bohemond, taking whatever he could, but I’m more strategic. Jersualem is won on the banks of the Nile, you know. To prove I am no longer associated with Weev, I have released his steam account publicly for you to also play games and network with him, if you’d like.
Dr. AHT: Right… So what exactly makes a trans person like Asshurt so much more dangerous than cisgender infiltrators? Are you saying it’s okay for cisgender people to associate with Nazis, but not for transgender people?
BB: I object to that. No, of course anyone who associates with Weev should be scrutinized, in fact ostracized, except for me, obviously, as I’ve taken the opportunity to dox his steam account, as you’ve seen. As for the trans activists, they change their names around. They wear makeup, they wear wigs, they seduce young men in Anonymous. Asshurt targeted me when I was raided by the fucking FBI. She was there in my tinychat, monitoring Project PM even as the FBI gathered outside of my door ready to charge in and brutalize me. She was working with my ex girlfriend at the time, Jenna Taylor, also an FBI agent, who is just as dangerous as any trans hackers working currently. Jenna and Asshurt, they had this secret premeditated back and forth about her being a gif, she put a shoe on her head, lightened the mood, softened me up before the FBI busted into my apartment. I’ve got the documents to prove all of this, which I will be dropping shortly. As such, I request that you stop suggesting that I am anti-trans.
Dr. AHT: So what’s all these tweets about you raping some woman who admitted to child molestation? 
BB: She was a real bad girl. Just log onto my soundcloud and listen to her admit to all kinds of dirty things in our very sexual personal phone call together. It was consensual as hell. As for the pedophilia thing, what a freak. I’m into it.
DR. AHT: Right… I was a close personal friend of Asshurt, in fact we banged seven gram rocks together at Burning Man, in a foam yurt. She never once presented herself as a male. Why do you persist in saying she’s a fake trans?
BB: Why do you persist in saying that a fake trans is definitely not a fake trans, when I have the documents to prove that Jaime Cochran is not only a fake trans but is a Weev associate who has done many dangerous things to Anonymous. She is a troll and a liar, who collaborated with the FBI in my arrest, and as such, her alleged transexuality should be not only questioned, but annihilated.
Dr. AHT: Wow, annihilated. Very strong language there. Whatever happened to Pursuance?
BB: I’m just going to come out and say it. Pursuance was always a LARP. I just wanted to draw a lot of activists into my network and do some fundraising. I succeeded where others have failed, there was never going to be a software system coming out of Pursuance. Pursuance is about pursuing other higher things. For example, it’s how I met John McAfee, a great great man who was killed in prison due to his incredible work developing nootropic brain enhancement drugs that have totally reshaped my worldview. I used to scrape around for government methadones, suboxones, process them into something remotely slammable, and that was my shit. Straight to the blood, who gives a fuck. Now, I’m on fentanyl sometimes, but mostly it’s the pursuit of totally legal drugs that they can’t shut down, stuff that raises my insight. I get in fights with narrowboat mechanics if they give me even the slightest shit. Me and my fiance, my fiance and I, Sylvia, we had to get off the narrowboat life as it was restricting the usage and distribution of all these incredible designer drugs. It’s really the next big thing in activism, that’s why they Epstein’d McAfee, really. One might say Pursuance was about pursuing the newest mind enhancing drugs as well as some tight activist pussy. I wish more people would take these drugs, so they could see what Peter Thiel has been doing.
Dr. AHT: That’s an astounding answer Barrett, and it explains so much. This has been so insightful for our readers who are at a loss to understand your current behavior. As far as your work in activism, I think I speak for the entire internet when I’m asking you to just stop. You’re contributing nothing and the way you’ve used what you call the “black activist community” as a tool to air out your private, personal beefs is unconscionable, as is your association with Weev and your accusations leveled at trans hacktivists. Do you have any final thoughts, some work to plug, or comments for our readers?
BB: I haven’t done any activist work in a decade, so no. But also yes, your readers can get in contact with Pursuance on twitter if you are looking for some powerful new legal drugs that will peel back everyday reality and reveal the despicable dark web network of Peter Thiel, which is penetrating literally into every mind in the activist community.
Dr. AHT: Thanks Barrett, this has been an incredible waste of time. While we have a high regard for our readers, I’d like to warn them off of your drugged out narcissistic rage, which has become a real waste and a shame for everyone in the community that it has touched. God Bless, and Happy Easter Barry.