Dear Doctor: Marital advice column by Dr. Troubadour

Dear Doctor,

I’m trying to take care of my man, who is everything to me, and having trouble at home.

Wah! Why, just yesterday I could tell he was tuckered out from band practice. I said, “Sweetheart, you’ve had a long day. Let me cook tonight.”

I got straight to work, and in my hurry to please, threw every piece of our silverware in the new microwave.

Later I said, “Angel, what’s wrong? You’ve barely touched your microwaved silverware.”

He turned his nose up at it! He said he didn’t feel worthy of a home-cooked meal like that. He said I deserve to spark silverware in the kitchen for someone who appreciates it.

I’m starting to think he could be right.

Clumsily yours,

Lucy Ricardo

"Will I ever learn?" Patient 'frozen in shock' at the consequences of her actions.
“Will I ever learn?” Patient ‘frozen in shock’ at the consequences of her increasingly stupid behavior.

Lucy! You’ve got some splainin’ to do.

First of all, what man eats silverware? You eat with silverware, doll! Maybe jab that silver fork into a hot cut of meat, and you might be surprised where Mr. Ricardo sticks his meat.

Secondly, I just saw Rosemary’s Baby. My advice is do not turn your back on Fred and Ethel, and do not invite them into your home ever again.

Finally, don’t take my advice for granted. You’re lucky I’m even responding, much less that you have a mariachi band leader at your beck and call. An accomplished musician who – even though he never knows what paint-can-falling, penny-whistle blowing, stepping-on-a-rake type of disaster he’s about to walk into – for some reason, is happy to come home. For some reason, he loves you.

Count your blessings, Lucy. I’d love to see you make it to color.

Sincerely yours,

Dr. T

dr troubadour
Catch Dr. True every morning weekdays at 11 on FOX.

Dr. Troubadour is a licensed clinical psychologist, fellow, and research professor at the Facebook School of Medicine.

His new book, titled “10 Hidden Wisdoms of The Sopranos Extended Universe” is out now.

Lebal Drocer, Inc.


Joe Rogan “sterile” after taking Ivermectin

Joe Rogan’s family is dealing with the personal tragedy of his infertility.

INTERNET — Doctors report that popular podcaster Joe Rogan is now “permanently and totally infertile,” due to his use of Ivermectin to treat COVID-19.

“I won’t prescribe Ivermectin because the risk to male fertility is too high,” Dr. Angstrom H. Troubador said. “It’s not very good for covid, either. Better to have been vaccinated ahead of time, and less risky, too. Or, if it’s too late, we’ve got that fetal stem cell therapy that saved Donald Trump’s life. It’s very powerful, although illegal in Texas.”

Rogan’s wife, Jessica, is heartbroken. “We’re devestated by this. We wanted to have so many more babies. Joe’s doing everything he can. Ice cubes, oysters, but they’re just not working. I just want everyone out there who thinks they can just log onto the internet and think they’re doctors, think again. The risk of Ivermectin is too high.”


Miracle drug unlocks hellish introspective nightmare


What is self-awareness anyway?

A good friend tells you when you’re fuckin up, a bad friend ignores it, and your ENEMY tells everyone else.

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“Dr. Midnight”

Hi, I’m Dr. Troubadour. Folks used to tell me I would not amount to anything. If I’d listened to them, they’d be right. But I struck out and carved my own path. Licenses? Peer-review? I bucked the system, and became a doctor my own way. My eyes are open.

You got a lot of nerve walking through life and not even thinking about where you’re stepping. Take my drugs. Grow a perspective!

[Editor’s note: ALL the women i date want to know where this anger is coming from. why so many holes in my drywall? all i want to know is how many holes u got for ME?? PLEASE EMAIL. —Raleigh T. ]