Clown World is here – But it’s not what you think it is!

INTERNET — Wednesday, economists noticed that all of the world’s debt is held by a group of less than one hundred people who all hate each other and are bickering with each other like some despicable and dysfunctional high school class. Kim Jong Un leads the Eurasian faction, while Elon Musk is by far the most popular of all posters.

Tuesday, Anonymous hackers leaked telegram chats unveiling the painfully boring beefs of the most wealthy people on earth. Petty, pointless antagonisms. “I own the global discourse,” Elon Musk is seen saying, on the encrypted communications, “And thus I control the future.” Muhammed Bin Salman was seen writing, “I did Khashoggi over Counterstrike. I don’t care what he wrote, it was the auto that did it.”

“This is where I have to finally sit back and say, it’s true, here we are in clown world. This is some fucking dumb ass anime stuff. It has to be fake, but look at the numbers,” Dr. Troubador sighed, “It used to be foolish to think a few people controlled everything, but the money doesn’t lie, does it? What more proof do we need? They’re just rubbing it in our faces now. As if they don’t also control Anonymous.”

“If you have any debt at all, it goes to one of these golden hundred. If you buy anything, anywhere, 90% of the profits go to them. Economically speaking,” Troubador seethed, “this is of course retarded. Money basically means nothing anymore, and you just throw it around like a joke. Also, somehow, no one can afford the basics of anything. What has the world come to?”

Thousands of scientists have officially declared Clown World to be accurate, based on their readings. Computer Science professor Crungus H. Foreman believes things could return to normal only if these people are all suddenly taxed according to an ever adapting algorithm of his design. “I’ve based it off of Google’s new visibility. Basically, you get your time in the sun but after a few years it just nerfs you back to nothing, all while balancing the overall economy perfectly, ending boom and bust cycles forever.”

However, Dr. Troubador believes it is far too late. “The numbers were bad enough, but now that I’ve read this shit from Anonymous? On the inside, they’re just nuke baiting all the time, it’s the bread and butter of their squabbling. We may be lucky to live to see the completely unpredictable consequences of all that carbon dioxide in the atmosphere.”

Internet Chronicle officially denounces the idea of Clown World


KingCobraJFS’ fling ends in terroristic threats, shutdown of r/kingcobraJFS subreddit

In a rare wholesome moment, Jessica Boyle reveals a hickey under Josh Saunders’ stylish dog collar.

INTERNET — Jessica Boyle, 39 of Virginia Beach, Virginia, claims that the FBI are investigating a terroristic threat at Casper/Natrona International from her bathtub, live on YouTube. Hate comments flood the chat and are swatted down. Each day the moderators ban hundreds and even thousands of despicable hate-filled messages. 

Jessica growls and barks at her phone through all hours of the day and night, trying to overpower the collective hate of thousands. She’s not alone. This aggressive live streamer has found love in fellow YouTube celebrity, Josh Fay Saunders, aka King Cobra JFS. 
Jessica is in her bathtub almost all hours of the day, moaning about her own ugliness and fantasizing about the women Josh will have after he discards her. Outbursts like these are just what the so-called “troles” draw pleasure from, driving them towards ever more extreme and risky methods of harassment, in what they call “milking” these so-called “lolcows.”
Fans chipped in and bought Jessica a ticket to Casper, priming Josh for what would become a powder keg of abuse, both from their frenzied community as well from Jessica, herself a deadly dangerous threat. However, long before she’d even set foot in the airport, troles appear to have hatched a terrorist plot to shut down Casper / Natrona International Airport, possibly rerouting her inbound plane and leading to a lengthy series of layovers and mysterious delays.
And then on the day Jessica was due to fly in, it happened. All flights in and out of Casper / Natrona International were cancelled.
Oil City News reports on a mysterious white substance
But that was only the beginning of the abuse and harassment. While Jessica visited Josh in Casper, prank calls from fans brought local police to his apartment many times each day, even in spite of the best efforts to mute and hide their streams.
Subsequent police visits and investigations have created immense stress in Jessica’s relationship with Josh. When Josh is live streaming with other people, she ties his phone up with incessant calls, commanding him to stop discussing her bad behavior. In a previous visit, Josh received a sexual content strike against his YouTube account due to Jessica’s lewd sex acts while live.
In an apparent response to FBI investigation, the r/kingcobrajfs subreddit was shuttered, and any replacement King Cobra subreddits are immediately squashed. Meanwhile, the more sinister r/the_boglim subreddit has locked down, forwarding all visitors to KiwiFarms. Reddit representatives refused to comment on their cooperation in the ongoing FBI investigation mentioned by Ms Boyle.
On the day that Jessica’s flight out of Casper was scheduled, the top post on r/kingcobrajfs begged for someone in the community to “cancel the ticket. Again, her flight was delayed, leading to an extreme meltdown in which Jessica fantasized about buying an “$8 machete” to take out her #1 hater, rival YouTuber Jessica Messica. Few details on any possible reasons behind this second flight delay have been revealed. Jessica only called it a “fraud,” which was escalated to the “highest levels” of her airliner’s customer service.
Because these incidents are still under federal investigation – now extending to Josh and Jessica, or King and Queen Cobra – reddit will not allow discussion of King Cobra JFS, and his landlord won’t have him, but rumors from the boglim mines suggest Josh has acquired a majestic double-wide mobile home in the country.
A so-called “Spitter Spy,” member of the counter-trolling Spitter Spies fan group warned troles, “You don’t mess with black magic practitioners, are you stupid? I know Cobes got out his crystal staff to harness the gravity of the sun, as magnified by the moon, and wham. That eclipse power surged and his black magic took down the subreddit full of haters. Long live Ozzy, [expletive] the troles!”
News Technology

Security footage of Boeing repair before door-plug blowout was overwritten by 4K episodes of Bible Black

NEW YORK—A government investigation into a Boeing 737 Max 27 plane’s door-plug blowout has been hampered by a lack of repair records and security camera footage, the National Transportation Safety Board’s chair told US senators. Boeing was “unable to find the records” and told the NTSB that the security camera footage was overwritten.

“To date, we still do not know who performed the work to open, reinstall, and close the door plug on the accident aircraft,” NTSB Chair Jennifer Homendy wrote Wednesday in a letter to leaders of the Senate Commerce, Science, and Transportation Committee. “Boeing has informed us that they are unable to find the records documenting this work. All they know is it was a little princess door-plug, with a pretty purple crystal on the knob. A verbal request was made by our investigators for security camera footage to help obtain this information; however, they were informed the footage was overwritten by hentai. The absence of those records will complicate the NTSB’s investigation moving forward.”

A Boeing spokesperson told Internet Chronicle today that under the company’s standard practice, “video recordings are maintained on a rolling 30-day basis” before being overwritten by pornographic cartoons. The NTSB’s preliminary report on the investigation said the airplane was delivered to Alaska Airlines on October 31, 2023, after a repair in a Boeing factory. On January 5, the plane was forced to return to Portland International Airport in Oregon when a passenger door plug blew off the aircraft during flight.

The NTSB’s preliminary report found that four bolts were missing from the door plug, which can be used instead of an emergency exit door. There was “no evidence” that the door plug “was opened after leaving Boeing’s facility,” indicating that the bolts were not re-installed at the factory. The plane was serviced at Boeing’s Renton, Washington, facility to replace five damaged rivets in a job that required opening the door plug.

Boeing, a company that once represented quality, and bombing other countries, is now the laughing stock of the aeronautics industry.

Vicious and sex crazed, the demon is very aggressive, showing no sign of remorse or empathy when assaulting Takashiro.
Vicious and sex crazed, the demon is very aggressive, showing no sign of remorse or empathy when assaulting Takashiro.

Stacy Skylord, 27, was on the Alaska Airlines flight to Portland, when the door plug exploded off. She says she was on her way to a recreational abortion.

That’s because people are reportedly getting pregnant on purpose, “wearing” the pregnancy like a fashion statement, and flying first class to abortion states to have the fetus terminated at the latest possible stage in the pregnancy.

“We’re just dunking on them at this point. We like to say even when Boeing’s planes don’t crash, they’re still killing people; specifically, this baby. Hit me, Dr. Troubadour!”

—Stacy, 27, Pregnant for the next 30 seconds

The general public is going ape-shit, and police have blocked off runway access around highways, where people have taken to throwing spears at planes coming in for landing.

No word yet on whether Bible Black is subbed, dubbed, or both. Also, Boeing killed a whistleblower.

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