Rust Youtuber ‘Vice’ BANNED for Impersonation of Vice Media

Rust Youtuber Vice threatens to “wring [Vice] cunts by the fucking neck”

INTERNET — Rust YouTuber ‘Vice’ was banned from YouTube Friday morning after the grim specter of trademark infringement brought angry briefcase-toting lawyers down on his channel like a ten man AK zerg blasting into a wooden 2×2.

This February, Vice shot to a new level of fame after getting himself and his clan banned from Rust’s US East 2 server and deftly playing the victim card. This move was incredibly popular among disgruntled Rust players, drawing tens of thousands of hate-filled viewers to his channel, including the lawyers at Vice Media and the renowned satirists at the Internet Chronicle.

Dr. Angstrom H. Troubador, expert Trademark Attorney, said, “Well, there’s nothing he can do about it. Even if YouTube lets him keep the account and change his name, that lands them in a murky legal situation where they might be liable for damages from the incumbent Trademark infringement that is now baked into Vice’s brand. Everything’s just fine as long as Vice wasn’t making money, but once the cash starts rolling the lawyers get typing angry complaints.”

Vice’s Community Discord channel has been simmering with classic ressentiment after the mass server bans in February, and now after losing his YouTube channel the mood has pitched into a boil over.

Sosig.exe, moderator at the official Facepunch discord, has apparently never heard of Vice Media’s “Proud Boy” founder, Gavin McInnes

With natural rage and powerlessness already coursing through the community of exploit base builders, their self-destructive flailing has set in, leading to some of the most cringey moments in all of the Rust community’s history.

Some supporters, including a moderator of Facepunch’s official discord chimed in, blaming the so-called ‘libtard fake media’ for basic Trademark considerations from YouTube. Others have cast wild blame at Facepunch employees for committing ‘admin abuse’, even garnering a ‘like’ from Vice himself for personally attacking Errn.

Vice himself personally attacked the staff at the Internet Chronicle, depicting the oft-quoted writer Kilgoar as some kind of a retard who ’caused tons of trouble’ on the Rustography discord which banned many of the most enthusiastic and active map makers in Rust, often for nothing more than discussing technical details of map-making or sharing links to custom map servers.

Vice ‘likes’ it when his fans accuse Facepunch employees of admin abuse.

In related news, the Rust Community is suffering a menagerie of growing pains as the game reaches new heights. Buck Sexington, in-house community blogger, has apparently parted ways with Facepunch after several months of only sporadic posting, leaving core enthusiasts high and dry for the juiciest new content.

Bank of America introduces “Whites Only” ATMs

CHARLOTTE, N.C.–A beleaguered Bank of America has rolled back its woefully misguided effort to foster racial calm, after a ‘segregated ATM’ pilot program failed to catch on outside of its Charlotte, North Carolina test branches or headquarters.

Dr. Cornel West came out against the ATMs on the basis of mendacity, stating the program has grotesque racist, classist overtones.

BofA President Richmond T. Skaers said he noticed that he felt much safer in his gated neighborhood, where others do not bother him, and wants every Bank of America customer to feel the same way, away from each other.

“Before 1865, racism wasn’t an issue. After that, we had to have signs. Was that racist? You tell me,” Skaers said. “I’m COLORBLIND. Then they made us take the signs down. Well, I say fuck that. Bank of America just got great again. The signs went back up, and several ATMs around Charlotte were reintroduced to non-whites, after being modified to meet the specific needs of an increasingly entitled customer base, known as Second Class Citizens. I’m sorry a few snowflakes didn’t like that.”

Bank of America: Automated teller machines were retrofitted with beautiful, vintage, turn of the century signage, along with other consumer-oriented enhancements.
Bank of America: Automated teller machines were retrofitted with beautiful, vintage, turn of the century signage, along with other consumer enhancements.

“I wish the machines were a little further apart,” admitted stay-at-home mom Mary Whittlesworth, “If I want to spend my husband’s money, I still have to stand next to…them, and right away, I can tell something ain’t right.”

Dan Roiland, a 39-year-old Lincolnton High School teacher from North Carolina said his bank refused to install the segregated ATMs after realizing the cost of maintaining two ATMs would be higher than the sum total of anything his scumfuck hick town might pull in, so he is now banking with the Ku Klux Kredit Union down the street, a bank that works exclusively with master races to build pure white communities.

“Fuck everyone else.”

— Dan Roiland, Rebel

Looking forward, BofA says it is rethinking its strategy to appease racial unrest, and has signaled a possible shift to a form of scrip, as a specialized currency intended to create a healthier relationship between certain people and their money.

Maurino ‘Helk’ Barry, creator of Rust, Dead at 38

Helk poses inside his Toronto home, just inches from where his dead body was found by investigators.

TORONTO — Maurino Barry, creator of the popular PC video game Rust, known as “Helk” to millions of fans, was found dead inside of his Toronto home, Tuesday, impaled multiple times by a crudely fashioned wooden spear. Fans of Helk, now known as the [RIP] zerg, have swamped the popular Scablands server, erecting an enormous tower in his memory.

Timothy Seivert, the teenage suspect in Barry’s murder, was found naked rifling through Barry’s valuables when he was arrested. Seivert has been charged by Toronto police with first degree murder and attempted robbery.

Dr. Angstrom H. Troubador, an expert in video game addiction said, “My preliminary analysis of online posts from Seivert depicts a young man who was totally obsessed with Rust, and had trouble distinguishing between fantasy and reality. Most of his posts express total hatred for the video game and Helk in particular, yet his public Steam account shows he spent a staggering 150 hours just last week, logged onto Rust.”

Seivert has been relocated to Toronto’s Centre for Addiction and Mental Health for treatment and an initial evaluation, and has attracted a fan following of Rust addicts who also harbor hatred for the game’s creator.

“RIP Seivert! You’ve gone deeper than any Rust player in history and are truly a God among men. FINALLY we will get the game WE want, without all the FUCKING AUTOTURRETS,” posted {MEGACHAD} ToxicFred, on r/playrust, a meeting ground for obsessed and disgruntled gamers.

CEO and founder of Facepunch Studios, Garry Newman, told reporters, “This is truly a tragic loss for gaming and for our team, but we will move forward with Rust and try to finish out Helk’s vision as best as we possibly can.”