Obama kicks off his campaign for reelection

Osama bin Laden

"You're fired."

Osama Bin Laden has been assassinated by the United States Government under the command of Nobel Peace Prize laureate Barack Hussein Obama. President Obama strategically timed this announcement in order to hurt the ratings of Donald Trump’s reality television show. Trump’s comb-over has recently forced the president of the United States to release his long-form birth certificate, riding a populist wave of racial hatred. Trump has used reality television to leverage his position as front runner for 2012 Republican candidacy. This announcement is a blow aimed directly at Donald Trump’s dick. A crowd was planted outside the White House with cameras at the ready, conditioned to maniacally chant their nationalist fervor. 2011 will be remembered as the year in which television replaced reality.

Talking heads repeat the phrase “Bin Laden is dead” as Americans everywhere get hard-ons in anticipation of the moment when Obama will utter the phrase himself. Speculation on Al-Qaeda’s reprisal is used to strike fear into our hearts, a dangling reminder of the horrific images from 9/11. The terror threat level has been raised for the first time in years, in preparation for this incredibly important news. Terror is back, and it’s here to stay. Break out the American flag, because the fight is on.

Osama bin Laden is a figure who became irrelevant at least four years ago. His death is not a national security issue, it is a publicity stunt. Many believe that Bin Laden has, in fact, been dead for years from natural causes. Obama’s policy of death in Libya has been met coldly by his supporters until now. The masses now cry out in celebration for death.

Obama has already submitted a new schematic for the Oval Office that will allow him to maximize enjoyment of his next five years in office. The Oval Office is being converted into a propaganda machine full of gearboxes, timing belts, and terror-alert graphical representations – surrounding a hollow core in which Obama sits, naked, issuing liquid ideology from his pores which evaporates into hot air and is then blown miles into the sky.

Obama’s rhetoric was little more than a base appeal to emotions that heartlessly described the imagery of 9/11. There is no doubt that this self-satisfied speech will be repeated on the campaign trail hundreds of times. Nearly a million Muslims have been killed in revenge for 9/11, but the death of Bin Laden has justified it all. Obama concluded his speech with an invocation to the Christian God of America. Tea Party members are still convinced that Hussein is a secret Muslim.

No comments yet to Obama kicks off his campaign for reelection

  • zuha

    as per this discussion, we can conclude that this serius scene in which osama has been died cauz of american villains. but this scene iz has been parted to all ever the world in which 70% pupils has been belived partially american ..but the other 25% didnt forced on thiz issue by on the way thet get littl traped. now i has been with osama rathar than obama cause he iz not tererist

    • i$elwepunz

      osama wuz grown weed on his pakstan manshan. usa didnt check the ONE manshan in pakstan. pakstan leader say, I DO NOT KNOW WHER OSAMA IS we say I BELEEV U obama hates his job, he know he a puppet and his own ppl mok him. he gets the abuse for the everybody. the president is america’s jesus every 4 to 8 years. we adore him, the government takes the pplz muny and make them go to war in the name of a religion they government told about? so the prez gets crucifide…in the polls for the next year.
      because america iz a microwave nation:)

  • But you said...

    i’m pretty sure you said you don’t take suggestions when i asked you to write about trump, then two days l8r this shit? you bastards. my theory on bin laden was funnier. chonicle your falling down a slippery slope of shitty satire, in fact i’m not sure what you do now can be called satire, its just failTrolling. i miss the rofl times.

    • Kilgore Trout

      we satirize the media. not trump. not obama. and we don’t take suggestions, unless they’re good. you’re the one who comes here for trolling fun. not us.

      • But you said...

        satirize the media? did i miss something? maybe you did a long time ago, but not recently. your sarcasm has been on point but the satire is lacking. not hating, just offering constructive criticism:)

      • But you said...

        ps-i dont troll for fun. i troll 4 the laughs, that is if i troll at all. your site has a lot going for it, but it doesn’t seem like even the writers want to take it in any specific direction, and that could be alright, but your posts are relatively random. unless of course bin laden dies etc

    • Anonymous

      they seem to do whatever they want, regardless of what you ask for. id say osama biden getting killed was reason enough to mention dunld tramp

  • Anonymous

    There is no Obama bin Laden. Oceania has always been at war with Eurasia.

  • THE PART I REALLY LIKED

    I LIKE THE PART WHERE BIN LADEN DIED AND BECAME A MARTYR FOR OBAMA’S REELECTION

  • Anonymous

    LOL riiiiight…

  • Anonymous

    obama didnt kill osama… GOD DID! dun dun duuuunnnn

  • Anonymous

    skeet skeet skeet

  • Cupcake

    YEAH STUPID FAGGOT WHY DONT YOU GO BACK TO FAGGOTTOWN

  • anonymous

    I LIKE HOW YOU SAID CHRISTIAN EVEN THOUGH GOD DOESN’T REFER TO CHRISTIANITY YOU STUPID FAGGOT.

  • anonymous

    Lulz people are gonna believe this and it’s gonna be funny

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