There’s never been a better time to invest. 4chan is rapidly cornering the market on Guy Fieri memes, and Guy rarity is spiking hard.

Investors don’t know whether to shit or go blind, but drug abuse is on the rise in the face of Fieri ferocity on the meme market as brokers struggle to meet Fieri demand.

“I literally can’t drink enough beer,” says meme creator Johandes Malihandro. “I don’t know where the ceiling is, but the market is watching for it. Today I lost control of my vehicle and ran over a pedestrian. These are indeed desperate times.”

Brace for Guy Fieri