Tommy Wiseau Dead at 47

A former girlfriend reveals Tommy Wiseau’s former job as an Al-Qaeda drug runner.

HOLLYWOOD — Tommy Wiseau, director of acclaimed movie The Room, was found dead from a self-inflicted gunshot wound after his former girlfriend came forward with her account of the real life events which inspired The Room. Jolene McKinsey, Wiseau’s former . . .

Justin Bieber spree killing nightmare

Justin Bieber Mechateen Transformation Terrorizes Neighborhood, President Clinton

“Fuck Bill Clinton.” ~ Justin Bieber

The hooded figure’s glance darted fearfully from behind mirrored shades, as if the white picket fences contained some menacing invisible hell hounds. The heat and humidity of Arkansas’ summer was oppressive, and under his heavy hoodie Justin Bieber sweated . . .

Japanese Blue Whale Milking Operation Uncovered

A whale calf and its mother are separated forever when Japanese Whalers hunt the calf. Then, a small submersible disguised as the calf harvests hundreds of gallons of the mother’s milk.

TOKYO — Japanese whalers have long targeted blue whale calves simply because the adult of the species is too large, but now . . .

Pope Francis Assassinated

Pope Francis was assassinated by an unidentified gunman after pointed statements condemning “banksters”

ROME — Pope Francis, the popular new pope known for humility and outreach to the poor, was shot down by an assassin Tuesday morning as he drove his small, unarmored car to work without the protection of the celebrated Swiss . . .

Top 10 Norm Macdonald Stories Ever Told

Norm sums up what it’s like to write any kind of satire. This story reveals how Norm pioneered cyberbullying, the torch we carry today . . .

Newest Leak a “Silver Bullet” for NSA spying

The newest leak on the NSA a “silver bullet” for internet manipulation.

INTERNET — Humans are entirely irrational and guided by unconscious compulsions rather than evidence, according to a new document leaked after hackers infiltrated the US Secret Psyop Command nestled within the NSA’s secrecy zone. Journalst Glenn Greenwild reported, “Now that we . . .

The Red Pill

The red pill offers perfect transcendence to a reality – the only reality – where the human penis is both the conclusion and ultimatum of the natural universe, simultaneously. “She’s the cunt who thought she was God, but that’s okay. I don’t give a shit as long as she sucks me off when . . .

NSA Testing Oodles of Surveillance Methods on Occupy Wall Street Anniversary

This guy’s got the right idea insofar as mitigating NSA surveillence.

NEW YORK, NY — As protesters from surrounding gentrified neighborhoods filter into Zuchotti Park, just a stones throw from the worlds wealth trading capitol, the NSA is geared up to test all of its latest biometric and electronic surveillance methods on unsuspecting . . .

Paranoid Elements to Blame for 10,000 years of feverish, suicidal culture known as ‘civilization’

The !Kung didn’t even farm, and why would they?

KALAHARI — The !Kung were some of the last sane people on Earth, living by foraging on a staple nut which has more calories and protein than an equal amount of any genetically modified grains. Insane people, driven by a paranoid fear for their . . .

Assad demands US disable apocalyptic arsenal of hydrogen bombs

Bashir al-Assad condemned America as the great terror of the last century and demanded they dismantle their nuclear program.

DAMASCUS — After President Obama put a hold on the impending Syrian invasion, Bashir al-Assad took time to speak with reporters about his use of chemical weapons. The reformer-turned-dictator said, “Yeah, I gassed a . . .