Glenn Greenwald detained at US border

Glenn Greenwald disappeared at LAX and is presumed in CIA custody
Glenn Greenwald disappeared at LAX and is presumed in CIA custody

LOS ANGELES — Glenn Greenwald, columnist and reporter who broke the Snowden leaks and featured in Laura Poitras’ Oscar-winnning Citizen Four, disappeared Saturday at a US airport before boarding a flight back to his home in Brazil. Friends and family have not heard from him and fear he has been subject of an extraordinary rendition to a CIA torture site.

Jeremy Scahill, co-anchor of Pierre Omidyar’s First Look Media, said, “This is what we always feared, and right now I’m barricaded in my home with shotguns at the ready. Today is the day when they’re finally going to make their move against real journalists in the US. It’s finally happening. Protect yourselves, people.”

Edward Snowden appeared today at the Libertarian National Convention, via a remote robotic interface, and grew red in the face as he quoted the founding father Benjamin Franklin, “Those who would give up Essential Liberty, to purchase a little Temporary safety, deserve neither Liberty nor Safety!”


Bill O’Reilly hopsitalized after psychotic breakdown

American audiences discovered that Bill O'Reilly's career was a total sham, collapsing his ego and triggering a psychotic fit.
American audiences discovered that Bill O’Reilly’s career was a total sham, collapsing his ego and triggering a psychotic fit.

INTERNET — Saturday morning Bill O’Reilly was hospitalized after suffering what family said was a psychotic episode. O’Reilly recently fell under fire after researchers unveiled his false reporting of the Falkland War.

Family and friends of O’Reilly have kept his secret battle with chronic mental illness under wraps for decades and are not surprised by his latest psychotic break.

O’Reilly’s wife told reporters, “It’s a chronic problem and it never really goes away. One day he’s the Bill I know and love, and the next day he’ll start getting these grandiose ideas. He said he was an archetypal construct summoned by an internet demiurge he called Inglip, and it wanted him to breathe white light and trigger fifteen trillion hydrogen bombs, among other things.” Amidst tears, she added, “But he’s always a bit over the top, adding in details to make for a better story, it’s just how he is.”

Harvard Psychiatrist Dr. Angstrom H. Troubador said, “Stress is the most common trigger for mental illness, especially stress of the kind that deflates a greatly inflated ego. Narcissistic personalities like O’Reilly’s make for entertaining talking heads, but a narcissist affirms itself out of its own essential weakness and is prone to rapidly break down during a psychotic fit.” Dr. Troubador heaved a sigh and continued, “You can bet that O’Reilly experienced such powerful shame and psychological nudity that his former self is toast and may never come back. But he’s resilient, I’ve seen his medical records, and hopefully audiences will like the new Bill O’Reilly, whoever he is when he resurfaces.”

LEAKER: Pierre Omidyar’s First Look Media a CIA trap for advocacy journalists

Pierre Omidyar helped the CIA execute "Operation Snowjam" and suppress Snowden documents
Pierre Omidyar helped the CIA execute “Operation Snowjam” and suppress Snowden documents

INTERENET — Pierre Omidyar, eBay billionaire, spent 50 million dollars to launch First Look Media with the promise of popularizing Glenn Greenwald and Jeremy Scahill’s popular brand of American advocacy journalism.

Strange stories from disgruntled employees are circulating, describing a bewildering and mysterious boondoggle behind the scenes at First Look, but thankfully a confirmed and trustworthy anonymous leaker close to Omidyar has come forward with startling evidence explaining that the CIA granted Omidyar lucrative overseas business privileges in return for temporarily tying up hundreds of the best and brightest advocacy journalists.

According to the leaker, Anchors Glenn Greenwald and Jeremy Scahill acted as de facto editors, barking down nearly every story that made it to their desks. Their egos were set against one another and inflated with tremendous paychecks, bizarre massage-desks, and holographic monitors. Every trick in the CIA playbook was brought to bear on First Look’s boardroom. Subtle annoyance tactics were employed by CIA moles who succesfully instigated daily shouting matches and ruined any chance of publishing stories.

The leaker suggests that Glenn Greenwald, after promising to publish a list of names of citizens under illegal NSA surveillance, was shouted down by the whole office after Omidyar spread rumors that Greenwald found Edward Snowden “a repugnant traitor.”

The anonymous leaker wrote,

The CIA drew up First Look under code name Operation Snowjam, engineering it from top to bottom for optimum dysfunction. They had already worked with Omidyar extensively, as eBay features hugely in the CIA’s meddling in foreign markets, so he was quite willing to cooperate. The ‘best and brightest’ — that’s the CIA, not me — in advocacy journalism were brought in at dream-job pay, and they were lucky to publish anything at all!

It should be obvious to anyone with a skeptical mind that things are not as they seem. Just look at those with access to Snowden documents, that should tell you what you need to know. They never complain because they have been treated like royalty, handled so gently that they will never suspect a thing or give credence to the complaints of other journalists at First Look.

This is a crucial moment, and the image of the US is at its lowest point perhaps in all of history. Operation Snowjam is, for the CIA, small potatoes. But right now, every little bit counts.

Love me, I’m a Liberal

INTERNET — Jello Biafra and Mojo Nixon played Phil Och’s satiric song, “Love me, I’m a Liberal” at a fundraiser for Paul Williams, who requires expensive care after injuring his brain in a bike accident.

The lyrics of the classic and funny lampoon were updated, seemingly so that the audience could grasp the dated jokes of Phil Ochs. Names of typical liberal politicians and publications were changed, but a line condemning the racism of liberals with the satiric use of the word ‘Negro’ was removed.

Ochs lines, “I love Puerto Ricans and negros / As long as they don’t move next door” became “I love blacks and gays and latinos / As long as they don’t move next door.”

This despicable effacement of Phil Ochs’ and his mild satire was perpetrated by the man whose songs once proudly proclaimed, along the same lines as Ochs, only with more punk rock snarl:

Play ethnicky jazz
To parade your snazz
On your five grand stereo
Braggin’ that you know
How the niggers feel cold
And the slums got so much soul

Has Jello Biafra been abducted and replaced? Has he grown too old for the shocking, confrontational satire of the Dead Kennedys? Perhaps.

I can read the tweets, already, saying things like, “Phil Ochs is only funny for people with white privilege,” or “Ochs — typical white ally,” or maybe “To people of color this just represents a violent system.” And then, when the Butthurt Black Panthers bust into Phil Ochs’ house and gun him down, these same people will be tweeting #JeSuisPanther.

Satire isn’t always funny, and oftentimes it is downright offensive, and a song like Phil Ochs’ “Love me, I’m a Liberal” would surely be viewed as an incontrovertible act of violence in the contemporary liberal atmosphere, where terrorists who murdered the cartoonists at Charlie Hebdo are sympathetic victims of systemic racism. Tolerance and sensitivity have been so emphasized by moderate liberals to the point where it’s a racist superiority trip. Right below the thin veneer of this new brand of “radical” liberalism is something pathetic and moderate, a liberal who wants to be loved, and desperately — the niggers and the towel heads are babies who can’t read big boy jokes.

‘Alien’ ships ascend from Siberian Craters

Swarms of aircraft were spotted flying out of these deep craters that appeared recently in Siberia and are now assembling
Swarms of aircraft were spotted flying out of these deep craters that appeared recently in Siberia and are now assembling

SIBERIA — A fleet of alien airships is assembling in Siberia after witnesses say they ascended out of tremendous craters previously believed to be created by methane explosions and climate change.

The ships have assembled into three constantly spiraling swarms that are slowly coming into formation as they move west. Each individual ship appears to be two conjoined eggs with no discernible seams or lights of any kind.

The Russian Military broadcast a message in Siberia directed at the alien ships, “We offer friendly greetings to the explorers from under the earth. But our citizens are terrified and we will open fire should you make a move to threaten any of our cities.”

Addressing citizens later in the broadcast, the Military said, “Do not panic, do not provoke or fire upon the alien craft.”

President Putin then gave a few words on national television, reassuring the country with a light-hearted joke, “Maybe they will listen to reason and help liberate Ukraine.”

Reports of strange lights, eruptions coming from under the ground, appearance of tremendous craters, and even alien bodies and wrecks are in the news and even commented on by President Putin himself, but why are these reports suppressed in the West? Could these ships be a top secret Russian weapon system that could help Putin start pushing into Western Europe?

Thousands die after drinking tainted water in Flint

Flint Citizens died in the thousands after drinking piss-colored public water
Flint Citizens died in the thousands after drinking piss-colored public water

FLINT, MICHIGAN — Thousands of frozen dead bodies filled the streets of Flint, Thursday morning, as the cumulative effects of tainted, poisonous water proved too much for infants and the elderly.

Flint’s water is discolored and heavily infected with bacteria, and the cash-strapped city government chose a cheap solution, dumping deadly amounts of disinfectants into the water supply.

General Motors refused to use the tainted water in its manufacturing process because all the bleach in it would corrode the steel in its vehicles.

Activist Michael Moore said, “This is the first test run of a top secret population control program that aims to cull overpopulated areas that drain the American economy and harm its geopolitical stance. Flint’s citizens have become a target in the war on terror.”

Obama Sparks Blunt — and Controversy — in Oval Office

Obama got stoned at midnight as Marijuana legalization went into effect
Obama got stoned at midnight as Marijuana legalization went into effect

INTERNET — Just minutes after a new Washington DC law legalized recreational marijuana, President Obama lit up a fat Dutch Master packed with presidential-quality marijuana. The president rolled the blunt himself, accidentally tearing the Dutch Master and joking, “Maybe we should get some wrappers from Cuba! Hah!”

Leaning back in his chair, Obama exhaled a smoke ring expertly. Sensing the tense room around him, he offered the blunt to his staff, “Calm down everybody, take a hit. It’s legal now, we changed that law.” However, staffers in the room shuffled around uncomfortably.

One secret service guard reached out for the blunt, and Obama said, “No, not you!” but laughed.

“Just kidding, just fuckin’ with you.” Obama’s eyes were already bloodshot.

A representative from the American Christian Alliance told reporters, “Marijuana is the drug of choice of the House of Islam, and in Christendom we drink alcohol, the blood of Christ. We’re watching you Obama, and we see through your facade.”

Jillian Page, spokesperson for Mothers Against Drugs and Alcohol said, “Just think of the example that sets for our children, if the president is out there toking up. It’s an outrage, and I hope he is impeached.”

Leaker unveils Satanists behind #OpDeathEaters

Pictured here is the Satanic God of Discord, Eris. #OpDeathEatres promises freedom, but its end goal is Global Satanism and Endless War.
Pictured here is the Satanic God of Discord, Eris. #OpDeathEatres promises freedom, but its end goal is Global Satanism and Endless War.

INTERNET — Tuesday, Internet Chronicle received a startling leak proving beyond a doubt that the Anonymous-branded #OpDeathEaters, which on its surface promises to initiate a “victim-led” inquiry into pedophile networks at the top of governments, is itself headed by a Satanic cult which idolizes the pagan god of discord, Eris. Eris is known for causing a great war just to satisfy her narcissism.

#OpDeathEaters has only let a few hints of its Satanic core slip out to the public, utilizing an infantilized anime representation of Eris in its propaganda messages. More revealing, #OpDeathEaters continues to suppress any investigations into satanism, both protecting itself and its satanist allies in high office.

The Anonymous leaker told us, “It became clear . . . after some time that [Operation Death Eaters] did not care about its own stated goals. The inquiries were a bunch of hot air, and really they are just there to profit off of average peoples darkest fears. It’s not Anonymous. They’re manipulative Satanists, and the world has to know.”

The leaker’s incontrovertible documents reveal that Heather Marsh is using the popular distrust of both governments and pedophiles as a cynical exploit to further increase the influence of Satanism. Marsh was quoted saying to the leaker over an encrypted chat channel, “There will never be a victim-led inquiry and only a complete retard would buy that, but luckily, the idiots are in huge supply :D”

Those few who have confronted Marsh and her authoritarian rise to power have seen responses from #OpDeathEaters which further confirmed the critiques. #OpDeathEaters responded to accusations of gross populism by calling their critics both “attention seekers” and mocking them for their lack of popular influence. While never directly addressing very direct critics, adherents accused their critics of cowardice for using indirect communication, also known as subtweeting. As they flap their jaws endlessly, popularizing their inane and badly-wrought Satanic theories, their comparatively reticent critics are lambasted for running their mouths or distracting from the action of the non-existent inquiries.

Clearly, the Satanic idea that words can exercise magick influence is openly flouted by adherents of #OpDeathEaters, even as their pitiful attempts to rebuff critiques by throwing them back at the critics fail miserably. After all, #OpDeathEaters is named after a group of witches from the Harry Potter books, and Heather Marsh is a self-described witch. Thanks to the Anonymous leaker, people can now see that Satanism and even witchcraft is the central motivating force behind this deceptive and evil campaign.

China unveils cutting edge Dongzhen interceptor — American generals terrified

China revealed a secret fighter jet that completely outclasses anything possessed by the West
China revealed a secret fighter jet that completely outclasses anything possessed by the West

BEIJING — The Chinese air force shocked the global community after it revealed the Dongzhen, a futuristic thorium-powered fighter that boasts capabilities which allow it to intercept and destroy nuclear missiles. The Dongzhen’s thorium engines can operate for weeks and in the vacuum of space, as well as providing the massive thrust needed to intercept ballistic missiles.

To serve its primary role as what the Chinese call the “nuclear great wall” the Dongzhen is operated remotely, patrolling China’s borders for up to twenty days before it lands for a refueling. However, the Dongzhen still features a cockpit and can serve a secondary role as an air superiority dog fighter.

Although many of the Dongzhen’s capabilities are still top secret, officials stated that it had a full complement of cyberweapons as well as other possible offensive capabilities.

Americans reported loud booms this December as the Dongzhen flew over the United States in a display of force. U.S. Air Force Gen. Tom McInerney  slammed the Obama administration for keeping the flights under wraps, saying, “The US is no longer a super power, and American citizens have Obama to thank. I am personally shocked and terrified.”

Is Heather Marsh a Pedophile?

Heather Marsh is a Canadian blogger and organizer who is rapidly gaining influence, most notably as coordinator and spokesperson for Operation Death Eaters, an Anonymous-themed campaign that seeks to perpetuate a viewpoint which specifically views government officials as pedophiles.
Heather Marsh is a Canadian blogger and organizer who is rapidly gaining influence, most notably as coordinator and spokesperson for Operation Death Eaters, an Anonymous-themed campaign that seeks to perpetuate a viewpoint which specifically views government officials as pedophiles.

“Who controls the words controls your thoughts” ~ Heather Marsh

Marsh’s blog, GeorgieBC, is not substantive reading. Most of the posts can be reduced to one sentence that is badly supported by the sweeping gestures that are passed off as evidence in the post’s body. Add to that the tone of absolute certainty and a grandiose scope, and you have your average internet blog. What makes Marsh so influential are the usual and boring typical attributes that go into a paranoid, populist style.

Marsh’s pedophile-fixated viewpoints are outlined briefly in both a glossary and a dictionary published on her blog. The pedophile-obssessed New Orwellian Dictionary’s subtitle reads: “Who controls the words controls your thoughts,” and it is very short, cynical, and blandly satiric guide for how to read the news.

The glossary, on the other hand, is more of an informal style guide that is deployed by the most popular Anonymous accounts. Marsh’s great innovation from the dictionary is the word “Paedosadist,” which successfully leverages a lesson in etymology to further demonize pedophilia.

The glossary is prefaced with a short piece that is at odds with the introduction to the dictionary, invoking and denying authority and meaning in a swirl of words: definition, definition, definition, definition, -ition-ition-ition-ition while a lightly interspersed voice whispers: “Stigmergy is heaven, Stigmergy is bliss.” I recalled the cant of Osho’s hypnotic lecture-chants on Sufism, which was not unpleasant.

The following is a glossary of what I personally mean when I say these words. I realize there are many different definitions for most of them and this is not an attempt to impose my definitions as the correct ones or an invitation to debate the definitions, this is only the definition that applies to anything I say or write. As language is meant to be a shortcut to communication I try not to spend too much time discussing definitions and usually avoid the names of things like ideologies which are sure to derail every conversation into a discussion of definitions. Let me know what’s missing.

Special Note: I have not created a political ideology called Stigmergy. Stigmergy is a method of action based collaboration, one of many methods which work under different circumstances. It is not governance.

So it’s not Osho, but maybe this is the kind of spell that works on a computer nerd.


Thanks to Stigmergy™, I’m no longer a cynic who believes “who controls the words controls your thoughts!” Now I think of language as a “shortcut to communication.” And boy, those paedosadists better watch the hell out!

The New Orwellian Dictionary defines the word pedophile:

pedophile/paedophile [child lover]: Establishment approved name for those who rape, torture, abduct, blackmail and sometimes murder and dismember children.

Pedophile is the only word that has an etymology in this dictionary, as it is the pivot to Paedosadism. Maybe the word’s etymology suggests that “The Establishment” believes that blackmailing children is a loving way to treat children, or it might just be nonsense to jam up the brainworks for a healthy dose of Stigmergy Labs New TerrorMax For Kids. Or, maybe this is a Freudian slip revealing Heather Marsh’s campaign to save the children is a case of what she might call pedophilia. Is Heather Marsh a pedophile? She must love children a lot to dedicate her life to running #OpDeathEaters. So yes, by her own definition, Heather Marsh is the world’s number one pedophile.

The Heather Marsh style page defines Paedosadism:

Paedosadist: There is no such thing as a sexual orientation called paedophilia. A sexual orientation, or sex, requires consenting partners. It is not sex if some of those involved are called victims, that is rape. Someone attracted to rape has sexual sadism disorder or paraphilic coercive disorder. Someone attracted to the rape of children is a paedosadist. A paedosadist who acts on their impulses is a criminal paedosadist, one who does not is a non-offending paedosadist.

This maybe isn’t a definition so much as it is a Stigmergetic belief that could be trimmed down: “. . . no such thing as . . . paedophilia. A paedosadist . . . is a . . . paedosadist . . . is a . . . paedosadist.”

The Heather Marsh style page defines Death Eaters:

Death Eaters: Members of a sociopathic society where the societal norms or culture are driven by sadism or sexual sadism disorder. The agony of others is not a side effect of their actions but a goal. Death eaters are distinct from those with an individual personality disorder in that their society’s norms, structure and actions are all constructed to feed their sadism.

Death Eaters may also reference the bad guys from Harry Potter, or maybe this definition would mean something more when snarled by a barking dog robot. It is not credible that the Internet’s Hate Machine, known for its culture of deviant and even sadistic “lulz” would be swept up into the boring and hideous world of Heather Marsh.