I see the way you look at our website. The gluttonous envy with which you feast your dumb eyes upon the glorious and infallible Internet Chronicle would disgust even a thief. You are nothing. And that is our fault?

Continue denying yourself the life you want – the life you feel you deserve – so we might continue to consume the dead, mulching the fallen leaves and rotting fruits from the tree of the Internet. We reprocess the overripe Barrett Browns and Rachel Haywires into a digestible paste for mass consumption. You come to us to learn who to despise not only for their actions but their ideology, without an original thought in your head, when really we should be shifting our focus onto you, the readers, the botnets, the consumers, the Google algorithm, and our advertisers who continue to sap away not only our profits but, like you, our spirit. Internet Chronicle readers are energy vampires. With each pageview, you steal some piece of us, calling it your own.

YOU ARE NOTHING

When the TPP passes and our intellectual properties are better protected, rest assured not an utterance will escape your mouth that doesn’t belong to Lebal Drocer, Incorporated: Your owner; your master; your only purpose in this world. You are the consumer of ideas we plant in your head that don’t become yours just because you can verbally copy and paste. Whether genetically modified, or temporally modified, your worldview is a product of chronicle.su and you owe us money. Why should you profit using tools we sharpen?

[EDITOR’S NOTE: This ain’t no fuckin’ blog, son. This is The Internet Chronicle, a legitimate news site exclusively for all the illuminated souls of the 21st Century. You are a pageview. We are the page.]