AURORA, COLO. – New evidence unearthed by The Police revealed James Holmes as The famous Patriot Hacker known only as th3j35t3r, until now. On July 10th, 2012, th3j35t3r was replaced by a hacker known as ‘Wise.’ Since then, the original j35t3r, Holmes, went absolutely insane with the newly described pathological “Joker Syndrome,” in which the subject suffers an acute delusion and embodies The Joker character from the classic Batman comic book series.
Originally obsessed with denial of service attacks on so-called Evil Internet Jihadis, James Holmes snapped after his Twitter account was stolen by the hacker known as ‘Wise.’ Immediately after losing his account to an impersonator, Holmes (j35t3r) stocked up on assault weapons and armor in an attempt to compensate for his impotence and, as he had relayed on AdultFriendFinder.com, his “small/average” penis size.
What followed was the kind of typical behavior expected from a self-styled comic book villain on a power trip.
EDIT: The new fake j35t3r reportedly threatened The Internet Chronicle with a Denial-of-Service attack in order to maintain the facade that he/she/they are, in fact, the “genuine” j35t3r. DO NOT LISTEN! IT IS A LIE!