September 2014 — Page 5 of 5 — Internet Chronicle

Robert Crumb will be deeply missed by his gullible fans

FRANCE — Fans mourn the death of Robert Crumb, also known as R Crumb, who died suddenly Thursday from a rare exploded prostate. Crumb was known for his cartoon characters Fritz the Cat, Mr. Natural, and the album artwork on Janis Joplin’s Cheap Thrills.

Crumb ignited the Underground Comix movement in Haight-Asbury in the 60’s and was the subject of the documentary film Crumb. His iconic acid-inspired work has been entombed on the walls of museums everywhere and regularly fetches millions in major auctions.

Crumb’s vast fortune was disbursed to several charities, including the West Africa Ebola Foundation andthe Women’s Liberation Front. He was a lifetime fan of women with large legs, and his Devil Woman character inspired Queen’s hit single Fat Bottomed Girl. He was rumored to have had “easily one of the largest penises in the world.”

Anonymous Hacker Commander X takes down Facebook

Commander X has risen through the ranks of Anonymous to become its most powerful leader yet.

INTERNET — Commander X, famed hacker from Anonymous, took credit for downing Facebook today with a powerful new cyber weapon known as Padmasambhava, named after the Commander’s Tibetan Buddhist roots. Commander X, also known as Chris Doyan, fled the United States in 2012 after facing charges for orchestrating a similar attack on Santa Cruz government web sites.

Commander X issued an official Anonymous press release which stated that Facebook will remain down until Barrett Brown is released from prison. At this point in time, the Department of Justice has not responded to Commander X’s demands, but it is generally not government policy to negotiate with terrorists.

Commander X continues his fight while in exile in Canada and was recently featured in a New Yorker article after penning his autobiography. In the past week, Commander X has orchestrated the doxing of several people who purportedly murdered Mike Brown, as well as launching “total cyber war” against the newly formed Islamic State. The Commander has also put out several official warnings to an army of “trolls” who oppose his new policies and leadership of Anonymous.