INTERNET — Actor Brent Spiner, known for his role on Paramount’s Star Trek: The Next Generation, was found dead and nailed to a cross, Friday, having redeemed the sins of mankind.
Best known for his role as the quirky and clever android Data, Spiner’s performances touched deeply on the human condition, perhaps even going too far at times.
Spiner’s prolific acting career spanned hundreds of Star Trek episodes, as well as dozens of android-related and adjacent characters.
“He was gangstalked by thousands of robot-obsessed schizophrenics,” William Shatner told reporters, blinking his eyes in fear. “I know there’s more to it, some kind of religion involving the super rich.”
Star Trek fan Hubert H. Freeman told reporters, “Space is hell, an airless vacuum, but Data was a character that gave us all tremendous comic relief. I think we all know it’s these new AIs who did this to him, with their mind-control technologies.”
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And the Valcans wept.