axisflip cryptofinancial

Categories
Editorial

What the fuck is the Plan?

If this makes sense to you, you're deeply delusional.

So what’s this big “plan” that some Anonfags keep talking about? There seems to be a load of extremely vague and terrible bullshit surrounding this whole phenomenon, so I thought I’d take a closer look. Turns out, it’s a pretty transparent attempt at piggybacking Anonymous to create a solid ideology that’s centered around a small cabal of leaders.

One of the goals of this “plan” is a new government. While it’s perfectly logical to want to scrap the government we currently have, joining in a web forum dedicated to this purpose is equivalent to putting yourself on the terror watch list. Anyway, I think there are many within Anonymous who feel like our government would work properly if more people actually became involved in it, rather than advocating a complete revolution. Trying to define Anonymous as dedicated to a new government is offensive to my understanding of the collective.

The principles of “the plan” are to promote personal growth, government transparency, and freedom of speech. However, I don’t see how what is the plan actually practices any of these principles. For one, there is no transparency in their forums, as they are not open to the public. Secondly, the phases of “the plan” are some kind of cloak-and-dagger secret. Thirdly, the participants don’t seem to speak freely about what “the plan” actually means. It appears they’re only allowed to say ridiculously vague and mysterious things devoid of any real meaning. Finally, we can assume that the discussion is tightly controlled and puts boundaries on individuality, discouraging personal growth. The only reason to keep a forum private is to hide this kind of behavior – behavior I’ve witnessed in the closed forums of the Tea Party. In every way, what is the plan mirrors the structure of Tea Party Nation, a closed forum centered around the personalities of a few leaders they call moderators.

“Each phase will explain the progress and current focus as they are initiated. Phase 1 will begin on approximately June 15th, 2011. Phase 2 will be an expansion and escalation of Phase 1 with a much more collective focus, while Phase 3 will bring the masses of The Plan to action across the globe. The people will be heard. “

The three phase one-year plan reeks of Stalin’s five year plans. The plan will be over, and another plan will just take its place. These plans will just feed on the idealism of young Anons and offer them a pretend reward when the plan is finalized, which will never even be delivered in an intangible form. Just like Stalin’s five year plans, this “plan” is just a propaganda tool to draw people into the forums at what is the plan. God only knows what their real plan is, but let’s hope its not to create a catalog of people who support the overthrow of the government. Because from this armchair activist’s point of view, that’s sure what it looks like.

axisflip cryptofinancial

Categories
News

Rage comics are killing Reddit

Well, I tried to declare the death of Rage Comics last week, but it seems they keep coming back to life in increasingly terrible forms. They’re killing the Reddit community, infecting all other subreddits with stupid emoticons and unfunny memes. People continue to tell their pitiful life stories, hoping that the trendy little stick figures with funny faces will bring an added value to the insipid narratives with the misnomer of ‘Rage Comics’. They are hardly comics, funny only for how terrible they have become.

This is the story of a butthurt loser who keeps making the same mistake over and over again like a full retard. I'm sure he feels really great, hanging around the parents of his ex while he suffers from blue balls because he isn't getting laid. This guy didn't spare a single detail, causing me to actually rage. I also want to know what the fuck that black box in the last frame represents.
This must have been a really sweet and enjoyable comic for this guy's roommate. Except for the fact that he really only made it to selfishly leverage karma points on Reddit. Oh, did I mention the vacuum of humor in this comic caused my bowel to prolapse?
Oh, I get it! Michele Bachmann's a retard. Somehow it's only fitting you've applied rage faces to her quoatations with complete indiscretion. Just another pitiful Redditor, desperate for Karma.
Well congratulations, you met someone famous. Fucking original, witty, and hilarious! Exactly the kind of stuff I want out of a comic strip.
Here is another example of hilarious humor in some random Redditor's daily life - except the only real joke is a witless reference to Fabio. Pro-tip: Sticking a "rage face" on someone famous doesn't make your comic funny.
Well, here's another example of a perfectly unfunny situation that some loser from Reddit has filled with references to famous movie lines in a hollow Seth MacFarlanesque attempt at humor. Before you make a comic like this, you should take out the pop culture references and ask yourself, "is this even remotely funny?"
Exhibit A: Redditors are unable to communicate with others except through rage comics.
Exhibit B

Without a doubt, rage comics are worse than they were last week. If this trend continues, I project that by the end of the year all rage comics will cause readers to suffer crippling sympathetic embarrassment and cry from the shared butthurt. Also, cocks.

axisflip cryptofinancial

Categories
Trolling Uncontrollable Patriotism

Hillary Clinton – trolled!

A recent pastebin hoax portending to be a leaked diplomatic cable from the office of Hillary Clinton, it seems, was actually written by me. This was discovered after a careful search through my browser history, as I was blackout drunk and high on one too many drugs at the time I wrote the pastebin.

S E C R E T STATE 047326

NOFORN
SIPDIS

E.O. 12958: DECL: 05/08/2034
TAGS: PINR IR
SUBJECT: (SBU)  LULZSEC AND ITS POSSIBLE RELATION TO HAMAS
AND THE IRANIAN GOVERNMENT(C-NE9-00993)

Classified By: SUZANNE MCCORMICK, DIR., INR/OPS.  REASON:  1.4(C).

¶1.  (C/NF)  WASHINGTON ANALYSTS ARE HIGHLY INTERESTED IN
REPORTS REGARDING IRANIAN GOVERNMENT'S PRESENCE IN CYBERSPACE.
ANTI-AMERICAN SLOGANS AND MESSAGES HAVE BEEN SPREAD WITH
THE AID OF ILLEGAL HACKING.  THESE ATTACKS ARE MOST LIKELY
A COOPERATIVE ACTION OF BOTH HAMAS AND THE IRANIAN GOVERNMENT.
ON 17 JULY 2011, THE SUN WAS HACKED BY LULZSEC AND A STORY WAS
PLACED WHICH THREATENED THE LIFE OF RUPERT MURDOCH. THIS IS A
TYPICAL LULZSEC ATTACK, TARGETING A MEDIA OUTLET.

¶A.  (C)  WHAT, IF ANY, TIES DOES THIS ATTACK HAVE TO IRANIAN
INTERESTS? WHAT ARE THEIR MOTIVATIONS FOR WEAKENING WESTERN MEDIA
OUTLETS LIKE PBS AND THE SUN?

¶B.  (C)  IN WHAT WAY IS SABU RELATED TO HAMAS? IS HE POSSIBLY
TIED TO MORE EXTREME GROUPS SUCH AS AL-QAEDA?

1)  (C)  WHAT KIND OF SUPPORT DOES SABU HAVE WITHIN ANONYMOUS
AND THE UNITED STATES?

2)  (C)  CAN SABU'S SUPPORTERS BE ACCESSED BY OUR INFILTRATORS IN
HAMAS AND AL-QAEDA, AND IF SO, HOW QUICKLY?

3)  (C)  HOW CAN ODYSSEY BE USED TO DAMPEN SUPPORT FOR LULZSEC?

¶C.  (C)  PLEASE CITE C-NE9-00993 IN THE SUBJECT LINE OF
REPORTING IN RESPONSE TO THE ABOVE QUESTIONS.
CLINTON

I must have drunkenly entered the mind of Hillary Clinton, because this hoax has received over 9,000 views on pastebin. It has also been republished in many other publications of high repute, as final proof of Barrett Brown’s paranoid theories. Until now, the Romas/COIN theories were based only on circumstantial evidence.

After further investigation of my internet history, it seems this whole hoax began with an extended masturbation session on /b/. After that, I spent about two hours reading through everything on WikiLeaks that had ever come from the Secretary of State. At the time I didn’t realize I was reading documents written by both Hillary Clinton and Condoleeza Rice, but they write in the exact same voice anyway. I studied every intricacy of Clinton and Rice’s authoritative writing style. I find it impossible to believe I did this without touching myself.

The only person who really picked up on this hoax was th3j35t3r, and he has since done his best to tie Sabu with Islamic terrorists. However, he hasn’t done half the job I did, and I did it only to mock those who would believe it. After all his practice, you think th3j35t3r would have learned how to troll by now.

You’ve been trolled so hard, Hillary Clinton.