Category: News

INTERNET — You may have heard of the popular “doge” meme featuring the silly sideways glance of a lovable Shiba Inu dog, but meet Dogwald, the newest dog-based meme which has local dog lovers chuckling in their cubicles.

Snowden’s recent string of revelations unearthing every government secret from NSA spy programs to GCHQ “virtual sit-ins” targeting Anonymous have jokesters on the web poking fun at Glenn Greenwald, the world famous reporter responsible for breaking Snowden’s best leaks.

Dogwald fans claim Dogwald is a shape changing “weredog” from the Sirius system, instrumental alien from a race hell-bent on destroying America and its freedom by using the typical weredog tactics of controlled leaks and deep secrecy.

While the multitudes of complicated conspiracies surrounding Dogwald are often too much for the general public to swallow, it is well known that weredogs have telepathic surveillance powers which makes the hilariously pathetic power of the NSA pale in comparison.

Local resident Jerry Plainfield told reporters, “I just love that Dogwald. I post his picture on my Facebook now and then and it always gives me a laugh and a few likes. People will post a comment like ‘look at that weredog spying on our thoughts’ and I can’t help but laugh. Even my grandma gets in on the Dogwald fun. It’s the best meme yet.”

INTERNET — Former convicted street racer, recidivist, and prison escapee Jamie Jo Corne was, until October 2011, a central figure for Anonymous hacktivists as founder and executive editor of Presstorm, progenitor to the controversial YourAnonNews corporation. Corne leveraged her powerful voice as head of Presstorm to criticize the nascent Occupy movement, a very unpopular opinion among her allies in Anonymous. This coupled with mounting evidence of Corne’s involvement in overtly racist marches and exposure of her criminal past spelled the end to Corne’s days in Anonymous, and Corne’s staff at Presstorm dramatically mutinied as Denial of Service attacks shuttered the site. In the wake of this traumatic loss of power, Corne caught herself from the fall in an impressive feat of mental gymnastics which inflated her own sense of control when it was at its weakest. By framing her involvement with Anonymous as an “investigation” — 10 Months Into a Deviant Subculture on the Internet — Corne invoked the ever-popular “social engineer” alibi, inventing manipulations and exaggerations beyond those she was already well known for. In the years since Presstorm, Corne has slipped out of Anonymous regalia and into a redneck guise. After history replayed itself in the recent Anonymous-like falling-out with the Patriot Freedom Network, Corne posted an intensely racist rant which culminated in a cringe-inducing call for farmers to ride their herds into Washington DC and burn all their paper money.

Corne also, unbelievably, seems to have openly called for violent action against President Obama, threatening, (7:30) “This fuckin’ nigger in the office from Kenya has GOT TO GO! . . . Niggers are traitors against the American People! You wanna be a nigger? Fine be a nigger, but you’ll get a bullet in your fuckin’ head for doin’ so.” In the direct aftermath of Corne’s permanent ban from Patriot Freedom Network, Corne also stated that she has only one year left to live due to terminal metastatic brain cancer. Is this cancer yet another manipulative ruse inspired by butthurt, like her so-called Anonymous Investigation? If Corne is truly on death’s door, this racist message hinting at presidential assassination only seems all the more terrifying.

INTERNET — Snowden’s newest revelation showed the UK’s GCHQ operates a Denial of Service program dubbed “Rolling Thunder” which targeted and shut down AnonOps IRC, a centralized meeting place for Anonymous activists around the world.

Ethical hacking expert Dr. Angstrom H. Troubador said, “DDoS is the very lowest form of hacking. That is, if you can even call it that. Basically a huge flood of traffic is dispatched to disable a server and anything else in its path. Hackers who carry out these kinds of attacks are known as ‘skids’, a portmanteau of script and kiddies — skids are everywhere shamed and considered the least skilled hackers imaginable.”

Activists from Anonymous face astounding and severe punishments for DDoS attacks, sometimes as much as ten years, as these attacks are assigned a terrorist level threat to national security in the US and UK. However, hackers at the GCHQ who have co-opted the DDoS tactic and turned it against Anonymous face no such punishment, sparking an intense response from Anonymous fans and bloggers. Police forces in both the UK and America have long been known to break the law in order to enforce the law, and some of criticism has been aimed at this age old contradiction, but the level at which innocent bystanders caught in the packet crossfire and non-criminal activists who operated on AnonOps were harmed by these DDoS attacks may never be fully known.

An anonymous GCHQ spokesperson, however, responded to Snowden’s allegations and the resulting storm of criticisms Wednesday morning, telling reporters via encrypted e-mail message, “The GCHQ will DDoS as it sees fit, and just to show Anonymous we mean business, right now we’re taking down their precious 4chan web site. The GCHQ does not forgive. It does not forget. Expect us.”