Category: News

how to dress well, neon indian comes out on Lefse, June 28th
till then there’s always Myspace

Merchandising for liberty – what could be a noble cause – has become something beyond disgusting at the Political Fail Blog. Matt Gratz has never written an article, and created a “blog” with the most piss-poor graphic design on the entire internet. He’s obviously raking in the dough, since he can afford to advertise his shitty Anonymous-derived merchandise on Facebook.

The Political Fail Blog is not a blog. Nearly all the material is republished in a thinly veiled attempt to drum up traffic.

It appears that a small group of writers have actually pumped out a whopping twenty original pieces for this “blog,” the bulk of which are xenophobic rants about the dangers of flouride, aliens, obesity, and the illnesses that are hiding in your food. Who gives a fuck?!? I’d bet anything Matt Gratz doesn’t pay his writers a dime. It’s one thing to spam your own shitty writing to AnonNews like we do here at the Chronicle, but another to use it to make a buck on the writing of others. Good luck with that, fuckwad!

Editor’s Note: thehackernews.com republished one (or more) chronicle.SU pieces and even though they followed the exact same ad-traffic formula as the political fail blog, we did not give a fuck.

We came out today only because the political fail blog is so full of fail.

Today, an unknown group of hackers released documents proving that Barack Obama and 97 senators were in fact using a complex algorithm to create their decisions and talking points. The software, known as ShadowMindGear, is also available as an App from the secret Washington Insider iPhone store.  The news has come as a huge surprise to everyone who thought that politicians were honest people who didn’t ever abuse their power. While it is not clear whether ShadowMindGear is actually sentient, the hackers have proposed that politicians are, in fact, no longer relying on their own intelligence.

“They’re just a face, given a particular platform by an unthinking machine that is playing with statistics. What manipulation is actually being done, ultimately, is unclear. We will never really know the depths of ShadowMindGear, and it’s so new that legality isn’t an issue yet.” ~Anonymous

This anonymous hacker informed us that politicians consult with their smartphones constantly, up to 10,000 times per day, to receive updates on strategy and talking points. Luckily, he added, brain cancer rates are most definitely up among users of mobile devices.

While our readers are left to wonder why this story hasn’t received wider circulation, some have speculated that ShadowMindGear has infected the fourth estate. Journalists, now relying on ShadowMindGear, are censored from the findings.

ShadowMindGear was purportedly created for Fox Broadcasting by a well-known internet security contractor. All Fox News broadcasts pass through a mainframe that adds a heavy dose of xenophobia, which is then relayed directly to the politicians via smartphones so that the fear can be optimally exploited. ShadowMindGear decided when to kill Osama and even played a major role in locating him. Our editors would like to remind readers that it is not yet clear whether ShadowMindGear is in fact sentient or not. It is, however, destroying your world.

Editor’s note: these opinions are only a reflection of the mind of ShadowMindGear and do not represent Chronicle.SU or Lebal Drocer.