The pay grade for employees who identify as women is reduced in proportion to their femininity.
The company, like other big tech firms, has been criticized for being mostly male and predominantly white.
Last year, Lebal Drocer CEO Raleigh Theodore Sakers praised a diverse workplace. He said diversity is “whatever, pretty good I guess,” adding that having colored folk around, and women, could improve the company’s image.
But Lebal Drocer’s board of directors opposes a new proposal to increase diversity among its white, cis male-dominated Alpha Management team at the top.
The proposal, submitted by Lebal Drocer shareholder Lequita McNority, would require an aggressive recruitment policy to change the company’s demographic makeup.
[pullquote]
“You can’t say anything anymore.”
Lebal Drocer
[/pullquote]
The board rejected it, saying it is “unduly burdensome and kind of gay sounding,” according to an announcement sent last week ahead of its February shareholder meeting held each month in the basement of a Richmond, Va. gentleman’s club.
There are eight people on Lebal Drocer’s board. They are all white, bearded men, except for Lequita who got the job because she was “at one time, always down to fuck.” Her diversity proposal, the company says, sounds just like something a woman would do.
Lebal Drocer’s executive team, like many major tech and chemical firms, is united by a common struggle: being a white male minority in a crazy, mixed up world of political correctness.
Lebal Drocer insists that it is doing its part to improve the stats:
Lebal Drocer has demonstrated to shareholders its commitment to whitewashing anything having to do with inclusion and diversity, which – as we continue to reiterate, but just like a woman not to listen – are core values for our company. Our 2015 diversity report reveals that 69% of the company is male and 31% are males who identify as women. So back the fuck up, shitlords.”
The pay grade for employees who identify as women is reduced in proportion to their femininity.
The board said its efforts are already much “broader” than what’s requested in the proposal.
“We already hire coloreds: We have an efficient, proud janitorial staff at Lebal Drocer headquarters in Cuthbert, and a fantastic team of secretaries composed of some of the most beautiful women in Atlanta.”
Lebal Drocer did not immediately respond to a request for comment, but they did pay us to write this article.
Fuck all of you who suddenly care about people in Paris, people in Uganda, and people scooping oil sands out of the Niger Delta (oh wait, it isn’t time to care about them yet?).
You know who you are: You just saw it on the news, and suddenly now you care. If I hate anything more than hypocrisy, it’s those of you pretending to give a shit about x because y is happening on CNN. They are using you. THE WHOLE PURPOSE OF CABLE TV NEWS IS TO MANIPULATE YOU.
You want to impress me? (No.) Get the fuck off Twitter and Facebook, where I see you cunts, and shut the fuck up and then I’ll really start to notice. Because every time someone hashtags #PrayForParis neither a fuck nor a care is given and I do not recognize your so-called empathy. You are being manipulated into taking a position on an issue you didn’t know exists. Case in point:
I’m not about to waste my time researching whether it’s an authentic video or not because it doesn’t matter. Saudi Arabia, our strongest ally in the Middle East, funds ISIS which means the USA might as well fund ISIS and make their videos for them too. This ain’t yo’ daddy’s worldview! This is the technolibertarian hellscape of the New Century and you’re reading about it live on the Internet Chronicle.
Now, if I am to understand our reasons for destabilizing the Middle East via war and conflict are somehow tied to an improvement in human life, doesn’t it stand to reason we would have started in the absolute asshole of that region? Saudi Arabia: the women-hatin’est, gay-bashin’est, slave-beatin’est, religionest, rootin’ tootin’ HATEHOLE OF THE MIDDLE EAST, Saudi Arabia – with its control over global oil prices, public opinion and influence over mass media – is an abscess on human society. BUT THEY DO OUR BOMBING FOR US SO WE DON’T HAVE TO STRIKE YEMEN OURSELVES. What’s that saying, the shithole of my enemy is my shithole? Saudi Arabia must be about as American as a bald eagle’s pussy because we would question Palestine’s existence before even challenging the Saudi connection to global terrorism – our two best friends got married and we weren’t invited? Well we paid for the wedding, anyway.
By the way: The 9/11 hijackers were Saudi
Your blind support for anything you don’t know or understand is a blank check for powers that extend beyond anything you’ll ever know – all the way to the top – all the way to the masked sex parties where people you’ve never heard of who control the movement of hundreds of billions of dollars are banging virgin sex slaves, who weren’t taught English but trained instead only to articulate “Pray for Paris! Pray for Paris, MASTER!” as some greasy billionaire destroys them before they knew what life was. And you’re right there behind them, sucking the powercock.
So the next time you want to #PrayforParis do it somewhere I can’t see you or hear you, because I don’t give a fuck about Paris because IT WASN’T MY FUCKING IDEA TO CARE ABOUT PARIS. I care about writing this story more than I care how many thousands of people died in the World Trade Center attack, because it wasn’t my idea to care about that, either. How many people bemoan the loss of innocence who remembers where they were when a teacher announced JFK’s assassination, and suddenly they care about a pillar of power they can neither see nor understand, but it controls them?
The next time someone asks you to #PrayforBabyCailey or #PrayforAfrica here’s what you say. “I pray thee: Go fuck yourself. I’ll pray for who I want.”
Of course, prayer is bullshit anyway. If you believe in that shit you should check out The Secret on DVD, and after that, What the Bleep Do We Know? and after that, dude, check out this dank-ass Scientology, it’s got answers, man. Real Solutions. And after that, check out the Nazis, man. Final Solutions.
This is all a ruse to distract you from the systematic subjugation of human culture by turning over our sympathies to whatever is to then be done in our names: In America, everybody fell for that 9/11 bullshit and gave the executive branch more powers, unchecked aggression, and a Patriot ACT that will outlive us all. And rightfully so, your emotional weakness put us here. (Wow, aren’t you afraid of TERRORISM? How about some Terror Raids to correct that!) And they’re using the same tactics in France, where local police will use fears that don’t exist to justify acquisition of MRAPs, an arsenal of automatic machine guns, teargas hand grenades and fresh new black uniforms to battle the mean old fascists! Not turn into them, right? Right?
It’s just like that episode of Andy Griffith, where Barny acquired thousands of illegal machine guns and armored personnel carriers for the town of Mayberry.
Dr. Angstrom H. Troubadour came under fire when he said Germanwings passengers were “asking for it.”
An Internet psychologist came under fire Wednesday after a controversial news story went viral in which he was quoted saying the Germanwings atrocity was society’s fault.
The Germanwings disaster, Troubadour said, was attributed to co-pilot Andreas Lubitz’s internalization of society’s anal fixation on normalcy, a 21st Century social disease Troubadour calls “supernormality.”[pullquote]”Just look at his dead eyes,” Schandling said. “Look at his dude-stare.[/pullquote]
This, and certainly other normal social pressures in the workplace, triggered the supernormal state in which many school shootings and other murder-suicide plots unfold — a psychological terrain that most contemporary psychology cannot distinguish from so-called sanity until the violence is already done.
Angstrom H. Troubadour
Experts have alleged Dr. Troubadour, who is already currently embroiled in a damaging peer-review scandal, could be receiving funding from a secret homonormative source.
Germanwings co-pilot “just a good old boy,” Troubadour says.
Sociologist Larry Schandling of the Internet Chronicle Institute of Common Law said documents show Troubadour received recurring payments between the months of October 2014 and March 2015, presumably to generate case studies which validate and propagate a fiendish homosexual agenda.
“Just look at his dead eyes,” Schandling said. “Look at his dude-stare. Look at it.”
The company, like other big tech firms, has been criticized for being mostly male and predominantly white.
