A New American Prayer

You know I don’t give a fuck about your free market economy failfest.

I don’t give a fuck about your friends.

I don’t fucking like you.

I don’t fucking like this job.

I don’t like your debt palaces or your shit eating faces grinning back at me like I’m your next victim. Eat shit, and DIE.

I hate myself. I hate this website. I hate the readers. I hate Akon, Lil Wayne, black people, white people, Arabs, the Arab Spring oilfest. I hate every crumbling idea you thought was your own that actually belonged to some dickhead in a casual suit on a yacht.

I hate it all.

I hope 2012 December 21 really is the end. I pray to every God in the book that some crackpot conspiracy theorist would become the next Messiah on that day and summon Planet X Himself via SMS right into the face of this foul, miserable planet of humanity.

I pray to Christ himself, sometimes, because he’s the one who is MOST real by Western definitions, I mean delusions, of superstition and whatever the fuck else you want to think about – whatever makes you feel better about serving the capital gods, sucking the dick of credit. The recession! Oh lord! I pray to sweet baby Jesus in the womb of the Virgin fucking Mary to end this miserable bitch like the dinosaurs so we can all go together and for once be on the same page about something. Sameness, communism, capitalism, we’re all getting fucking by an overlord and we act like we’re free! Weeeeee so free! All this freedom on my green grass in my big cars and my free freeness of freedomosity, baby Jesus, thank you for America which served the WHITE RACE so well! Thank you little baby Jesus thank you!!

Thank you for all these THINGS that I HAVE so now I can relish the danger of LOSING it! Holy poopsex, blessed art thou in Heaven whose name I dare not speak, Satan himself, President Barack Hussein Obama the Pulitzer Nobel Peace Prize Stealing Fascist of the Fifth Reich, the Dark Knight of Neoliberalism, THE PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA. Come! TAKE IT ALL AND LEAVE ME NOTHING.

Separate me from my family, imprison my terrorist friends and rape my communist lover. And leave me only with this: my soul. Because I don’t fucking need it. I just wanna watch TV.