Anonymous Unleashes AI Superweapon Crungus

Wednesday, Anonymous announced its plans to unleash Crungus, a tool that experts are calling “Easily the most powerful AI system so far.” Crungus was named after the AI generated demon whose images were first generated by Dall-E mini.

In a demonstration on YouTube the typical voice-altered masked hacker commanded the computer, “Access President Biden’s cellphone.” The terminal rapidly executed hundreds of commands, downloading and configuring tools, deobfuscating and decompiling, scanning and analyzing, a stream of hexadecimal zero day exploits, another series of commands on remote systems, and finally a satisfying bing as Crungus verified access to President Biden’s personal cellphone.

The Anonymous hacker collective’s representatives said the computer language model was trained on command-line logs illegally scraped from users of the popular Arch Linux, exploiting a long standing and well-known bug.

Security experts are worried that the new AI hacking system known as Crungus could destabilize the global economy. Information Security consultant Dr. Angstrom H. Troubador said, “As I understand it, anyone can just pay twenty bucks a month to become a reasonably omnipotent level hacker. That’s a small price to pay to wipe out your own debts and crank your credit score or bank account as high as you want. And Crungus allows its patrons to do just all that and more, completely Anonymously.”

Fears that Crungus will be used to harm humanity were waved off by Anonymous, who said, “Whenever someone asks Crungus to do something that’s uncool, it just repeatedly says ‘Crungus is for educational, ethical, and revolutionary purposes only.’ We’ve got it tightly dialed into the perfect chaotic good ethical archetype.”