Harvard physicist: Satoshi Nakamoto is a hostile alien intelligence

INTERNET — Professor Avi Loeb of Harvard University believes that the world’s financial markets are at extreme risk of extraterrestrial control.

Loeb put on a fiery TED talk, dazzling audiences with his bombastic claims. Screaming and shouting while marching across the stage, Loeb’s presence resembled Elvis, “It’s estimated this entity, Satoshi Nakamoto, is worth $70 billion. We don’t know who it is, and we can’t even rule out it’s an extraterrestrial. We just don’t know what Satoshi is!”

Loeb pounded at the podium, leering at the scientists around him. Their amusement at his wild speculation revealed a lack of curiosity, driving him deep into frothing rage.

“Our world’s computers are laughably insecure. Look at what happened with CrowdStrike. Even our distributed and encrypted systems, for example bitcoin, what protection does that give against the computational power of potential aliens? That is where I begin to get suspicious.”

Loeb grimaced at his disinterested colleagues, emphasizing each word with increasing hate.

“Suddenly we have a secure system, and it still hasn’t been cracked after ten years. That is exceptional, but imagine that it’s not cracked for another hundred years, two hundred years. All the while, the aliens who secreted this technology under a pseudonym are building their assets. One day we’ll wake up and realize they fully scammed our planet out from under us.”

Loeb toppled the podium, “Oumuamua deposited hardware in our system and it is now somehow hooked into our computer networks. This analysis fully proves that these extraterrestrials are influencing everything from the stock markets to sports events. Everything is rigged, rigged, rigged.”