INTERNET — Secretary of the Deep State Rudy Giuliani held a joint press conference with Iraqi President Barham Salih at the American Embassy in Iraq, Sunday morning, announcing that the Iraqi High Tribunal has opened an investigation into Joe Biden for corruption and filed formal charges.
Secretary Giuliani said, “We will make sure the Iraqi people are armed to the teeth, in fact you might say that a few clever arms deals were negotiated by President Trump himself.”
Fans of the president are split about the impending war with Iran, as Trump formerly campaigned as an isolationist.
Southern voter and arms manufacturer Gerald Whorly of Radford, Virginia said, “I know ‘thou shalt not kill,’ but look at the ‘conomy. I never claimed to be perfect. Neither did Trump.” Whorly and many other voters echoed the heretical prosperity gospel of Trump’s Spiritual Advisor, Paula White. The so-called prosperity gospel teaches that the ten commandments are secondary to financial gain — in Paula White’s own words, that “Jesus is from Satan.”
Militiaman Kirk Sammet of Deepsaw Montana opined, “Trump was great for a while but this is serious stuff. We’d be better off with Pence running the war, or really not having a war at all. Or if it is going to be a war, it needs to be a civil war, right here in America. That’d wake everyone up.” Sammet reclined, puffing his cigar.
Preacher Jordan Levitt of Raleigh, NC preached such a fiery Antichrist sermon that three elderly parishioners were hospitalized. “Paula White and other Satanists laid hands on Donald Trump in worship moments after he ignited his unholy final war, And they profanely used the word God in vain reference to our President. Oh, I believe Dear Leader is the chosen one all right, but he’s the other one, the Anti-Christ. In what Bible is Jesus a king of men? None! He is the king of kings! He’s out there right now, and I can feel it. He is coming to teach us something new, something beautiful, praise God. And Antichrist Trump would kill Jesus on fifth avenue and who would cry out in worship? Jesus lives! Jesus Lives! You’d better be ready. Jesus has risen again, Praise God!”