Our parent company purchased Your Anon Incorporated, and the Internet Chronicle is now the throbbing heart of a vast social media empire which is growing at an impossibly fast rate. With this deal came a whole merchandise sweatshop full of wage slaves down in Ecuador, and with any luck Julian Assange will be hired on as assistant manager.
More importantly, we’d like to announce the rise of Your Anon Christ, who is most certainly the second coming. Christ has teamed up with Your Anon Buddha and Your Anon Inglip to comically lord over the dirty consciences of Anon skids. Through this loophole, we will be able to impose a monolithic belief structure upon Anonymous which will ensure solidarity and effective group efforts. Think about it, Anonymous, didn’t you always know that the second Jesus would be an Anon? He’s not anything like the “Christians” who have had thousands of years to fuck up all the teachings and get wrapped up in violence and repression. No ma’am, he sleeps with all his followers like it’s Stranger in a Strange Land. He’s healing people left and right, performing miracles like you wouldn’t believe. I heard he already brought a DEAD person back to LIFE!