INTERNET — Butthurt continued Monday from last week when Deric Lotstutter derailed a feminist hashtag reserved for rape survivor stories with his own Kentucky brand shameless self-promotion. News of the recent purchase of Lotstutter’s story by Brad Pitt’s film company and the renewal of Lotstutter’s #knightsec operations with “Anonymous” have emotions running high on all sides of the Lotstutter debate, but some critics are asking, “Isn’t the Lotstutter debate really a one-sided hatefest targeting Deric Lotstutter and acting out a perverted but nearly identical form of the very same behavior it opposes?”
Lebal Drocer, Inc. believes it is best to abort all mention of Deric Lotstutter and instead feature the fictional narratives of young teenage girls who, thanks in part to Deric Lotstutter’s vigilante campaigning, get to finally tell the whole world about that time when a gang of drunken jocks raped them, put it all on facebook, and were let off the hook by the local all-male football shadow government and then drew the heavy gaze of a nationwide Nancy Grace scale scandal.
One rape victim who wished to remain totally Anonymous came forward, triumphantly and without shame to declare in the voice of a gospel preacher, “Yes I was raped by Deric Loststutter. I am not ashamed to shout it from the mountain down to every household in the nation and make my narrative an essential, but truly Anonymous, part of the Hollywood movie starring Brad Pitt.”
Several other rape victims reportedly published similar comments in the abysmal “Ian Watkins Dead” comment section of this fine internet publication. One of the raped wrote, “KYAnonymous saved my life with his brutal rape. In fact, I’m part of the burgeoning rape fanatic underground and always dress like I want it. That’s why the fuck I didn’t report. I wanted it.”
One of the most beautiful and buxom rape victims took a picture that echoed through the internet’s counter-rape-sphere at maximum intensity. In the photo she held a card with a message that read:
“KyAnonymous raped me, Steubenville raped me, Nancy Grace raped me, those jocks and their parents too. You’re raping me right now by looking at this photo, the very thing that most bothers me. Stop looking. I don’t care that it even happened anymore, but it’s like the internet can’t let go of it. I feel like a toy of some monstrous infantile collective mind. Fuck you all. Die. The one small consolation is I’m about to get raped hardest of all by Brad Pitt, and that’s just hyperbolic rape. I used to be a misandrist in the days after the rape, but you made me into a misantrhope. Never speak of me again and give me my right to the abyss. I love you, grandma.”