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YouTuber Shad M. Brooks dead at 37

Fans mourn the loss of Shad M. Brooks, fantasy writer and host of the Shadiversity LARPing channel on YouTube.

Brooks died tragically, Saturday evening, during the filming of one of his many off-the-wall medieval weaponry videos. While testing a barbed steel spike mounted to the end of a bullwhip, the weapon struck Brooks’ chest, piercing a gap in his armor and creating a superficial, but terrifying wound. Doctors say the shock at the wound, as well as the inability to remove the barbed tip, caused Brooks to panic, triggering cardiac arrest. Paramedics had difficulty safely removing his armor to apply sufficient aid, and the YouTuber was pronounced dead on arrival to hospital.

“It’s just like Steve Irwin all over again, a tremendous loss striking right at the heart of Australia,” said Gerald Johnson, longtime fan and admin of The Shadiverse, Brooks’ official Discord. “Who else can tell the world what is realistic or not, simply by using reason, logic, and a keen sense of psychology? Only through the use of such fair debate can we arrive at the truth of medieval warfare. There was no one like him and I’m afraid only snobs like the woke Matt Easton will be left on YouTube, relying on flawed Archaeology and History to make their conclusions and cancel the enemies of their ideology.”

Matt Easton of the Scholagladiatoria YouTube channel refused comment on the death of Brooks but said, “It’s very true he judged evidence very much on the same basis as a medieval scholar, and in that sense he was quite true to the period. How intentional any of it all is, I can’t say.”

Brooks’ fortune has been disbursed equally to his twelve surviving male children according to medieval Salic law that forbids his wife or daughters from possessing land.

Shad’s bestseller, Shadow of the Conqueror, was panned by critics for celebrating a “Fantasy Hitler” protagonist with a penchant for raping thirteen year old girls. Fans, however, loved the book for its high levels of realism. Phillip Lichtenstein, moderator at the Shadiverse Discord server defended the book, saying, “That’s what a medieval king does, is it not? Would you rather have some Black king going around asking for consent from his [expletive] eunuchs like some [expletive] Disney movie?” Lichtenstein continued to berate our reporters who were promptly banned from the chat room for “Spreading the woke mind virus,” having expressed no opinions whatsoever.

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Top streamer xQc dead at 27

INTERNET — Fans mourn the loss of Félix Lengyel, better known as xQc. Mr. Lengyel was found dead in his apartment after friends became worried when he failed to go live for almost half a day.

Lengyel’s vast fortune has been disbursed to Blizzard Entertainment, Kick Streaming, and Twitch TV, as per his contracts.

xQc fan Herman Kilroy, a ninth grade student from Seattle, told reporters, “I was still going to watch but I was afraid to talk about him like we usually do at lunch. He was just so cringe, you know? But now that he’s dead, that’s kind of sad.”

Friends first became worried after xQC lost a debate with another content creator this weekend.

“After that debate, Félix was shaken. He came to hang out with me for a couple of hours and drink a few beers, which is very rare these days. I haven’t seen a lot of him. He was obsessed, he wouldn’t talk about anything else. He felt like Ethan had ruined his career and that he’d made a fool out of himself,” longtime friend Connor Morenstein posted to Lengyel’s facebook. “The rumor is that he hung himself with a microphone cable. Grim.”

Dr. Angstrom H. Troubador, media analyst with Google, told reporters, “We’re seeing massive fluctuating numbers coming through our content systems. My friend at Twitch says it’s the same over there. I’m afraid we’ve built our content up like a house of cards, canceling every potential franchise and promoting the most faddish nonsense for short term gains. This whole place is going to go the way of MTV.”

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Nick Fuentes dead at 24 after swatting incident turns violent

Few mourn the loss of Nick Fuentes, who died in an altercation with Chicago SWAT responding to a hoax call originating from his apartment

INTERNET — Police report Nick Fuentes, antisemitic influencer, is dead after a hoax call led to a violent altercation with a Chicago SWAT team.

Police Comissioner Gordon Langley briefed the press, “Officers responded to a phone call originating from Mr. Fuente’s apartment that indicated a child had been abducted and was being held hostage. Mr. Fuentes resisted police efforts, and after reaching for a firearm, our officers had no option but to defend themselves with deadly force. We did locate a child in his apartment, and she’s been returned to her parents.”

Langley added, “Of course, investigations into the hoax call are ongoing.”

Fuentes was the founder and creator of the Groyper Movement, a trolling group which aimed to use internet humor to draw the Republican party further to the right.

After a business dinner with Donald Trump and Kanye West last year, the far right provocateur seemed to be a new political force in America. But Fuente’s star would crash dramatically this Summer after he announced his marriage to the 12-year-old beauty pageant gold medalist Sally McBroom.

Few fans remain to mourn the loss of Fuentes.

“For some reason, we thought he was just joking when he said he hated Jewish people and wanted to marry a little girl,” former Groyper Seth Cranston told reporters. “It was all just memes to open up the Overton window, drive us all a little to the right with meme magic. But next thing you know, he was bragging about legally banging a 12 year old every night on his stream. That’s when I realized, he wasn’t really funny. He was never funny. He was a seriously depraved political operative who only wanted to appropriate my culture. I really don’t think this could have ended any other way.”

Ex-convict and Republican dirty tricks specialist Ali Alexander, top organizer of the “Stop the Steal” rally on January 6th, is rumored to be behind the swatting of Fuentes. Milo Yiannopolis, a close personal friend of Nick Fuentes, told fans on his telegram channel, “Ali was insane with jealousy. He’d fallen out with Nick months ago, but seeing him get married was just too much. I don’t think he meant to kill Nick, but you know, shit happens. Whether he was behind this swatting or not, I can’t say. But I know his operatives called in the swatting on MTG [Marjorie Taylor Green]. It’s his thing.”