Barrett Brown’s Pursuance Project BANS Suzie Dawson for supporting Wikileaks

Editor’s Note: Pursuance Project’s lead engineer and junior spokesperson Steve Philips called a previous version of this story “Utterly False.” However, I’ve only changed ‘Pursuance Project Beta Software’ to some Randomass ‘Slack Clone’ and now they just sound like loser vaporware chumps. Great Going Gang.

Brown is challenging Dawson’s version of events, calling her ‘intellectually dishonest,’ while Philips is echoing this and extending Pursuance as a solution for organizing her political party.

INTERNET — Suzie Dawson, New Zealand’s Internet Party Leader, was banned Saturday from accessing Barrett Brown’s Pursuance Project Slack Clone. Dawson lives in Moscow, exiled from New Zealand’s surveillance state.

Warning: my private communications with other at-risk activists were deleted without me even being notified or given any advance warning whatsoever: & i’m not the only one https://t.co/BGgqwp7B3H@t0p_100@XDEVASTATEDX@NatSecGeek@canadianglen@SomersetBean@globalhighfive

Sunday, Brown responded with an excruciating 11-minute-long song and dance to youtube that went nowhere real fast, but it’s clear Dawson was removed after contentious arguing with Brown because he doesn’t like Wikileaks anymore.

Dawson, whose Internet Party was founded by Megaupload billionaire and Call of Duty grand champion Kim Dotcom, is the brilliant investigative journalist who found out that Hillary’s been hocking all that nasty Uranium to Putin.

Wikileaks has maintained strict silence on the subject as Assange considers who to throw under the bus first. Perhaps there are the beginnings of a Pro-Wikileaks purge at the Pursuance Project as another user has been banned.

Currently Dawson is sheltering in front of streetcorner cameras around Red Square, creating an evidence trail that will help investigators keep Pursuance System hitmen tasked with her death off her tail.

Analysts believe that the Assange will denounce The Pursuance Project and may even take legal action to fight banning Wikileaks Supporters from Brown’s freedom software.

Trump, Netanyahu: Israel set to become 51st state

Trump and Netanyahu met at his gilded estate in Mar-A-Lago Florida this weekend to set Israel on track to become the 51st state.

INTERNET — The Trump Administration and Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu announced at a surprise joint press conference at Mar-A-Lago that Israel will hold elections to start off the process of petitioning congress to be recognized as the 51st state.

Although coming as a near total surprise to the world, the process to approve Israel’s statehood is seen as a simple formality that’s already gained wide bipartisan support in the US congress. Senate majority leader Mitch McConnell told Fox News, “I’ve spoken with Netanyahu and expect our vote will go through easily as our first order of business in the new year.”

Speaker Paul Ryan suggested that partly, this is a move that will help balance the budget in the face of startling deficits created by Trump’s ‘Cut, Cut, Cut’ tax reform. “Many states such as Kentucky, Alabama, and New Mexico are dependent on billions in federal funds, receiving much more than they put into the system. Currently, Israel receives much more money than a lot of the most dependent states, and they don’t pay anything back. This is going to be a good deal for everyone.”

Defense Secretary Jim Mattis said that the military advantage in Israel joining the union will be “The most tremendous strategic shift in the world order since World War 1.”

The global shockwave of massive rejection at Trump’s recognition of Jerusalem as the capital of Israel has touched off violence across the world, and analysts suggest the Trump Administration is ‘doubling down’ with a move that will only ignite more violence and, likely, a global conflict or world war. Dr. Angstrom H. Troubador of the Council on Foreign Relations said, “What’s next, admitting Saudi Arabia to the union? Iraq? Afghanistan? South Korea? The UK? The US empire is overextended and its support for allies is getting to be very costly, the strain is real. Now, overnight, what was once unthinkable is now suddenly possible. I expect the Trumpist trend for annexation will coincide with massive deployments that will double or triple troops along these fault lines and conflict zones between world powers. This is a grave threat aimed directly at Russia and China, and they will be likely to act to prevent similar annexations from taking place all over the world, and likely ramp up their own expansionism, like Putin in the Ukraine.”

Trump’s “Gun Amnesty” to legalize ALL weapons in United States

INTERNET — Thursday, President Trump introduced a plan to legalize the sale and ownership of all firearms in the United States. With his so-called “Gun Amnesty Program,” or GAP, Trump aims to create a database of all guns, legal and illegal, regardless of their classification.

The president’s plan will follow the “widest possible” interpretation of the 2nd amendment in order to supersede all state laws. This means rocket propelled grenades, guided missiles, and even artillery pieces will be available to civilians, and any weapons already in existence need only be included in the Gun Amnesty Database to attain legal status.

White House Press Secretary Sara Huckabee Sanders told reporters, “There may be a small fee, no more than $20, but the president wants the process to be open to anyone, so there may be income-based waivers for the impoverished. We’re going to restore the second amendment to its intended, original meaning.”

Trump told reporters “If we’d had this law in place to begin with, the terrible, awful shooting at Mandalay Bay wouldn’t have happened. We don’t want to take anyone’s guns, and in fact we want you to have the machine guns, the large caliber ‘destructive devices.’ We need BIG guns to protect America!”

However, some gun experts are skeptical that a better armed citizenry could have any impact at all on a shooting such as took place at Mandalay Bay. Forgotten Weapons presenter Ian Macullen told reporters, “The Vegas Gunman’s perch, 500 yards from the concert, is really not an easy shot. You’d need an experienced sharpshooter placed in advance, probably with some kind of thermal scope and incredible skill and luck to be able to return fire and save any lives at all. They already do this at the Super Bowl, but it’s very expensive.”

Elon Musk came forward with a pitch for a new, cheap alternative to counteract mass shootings in events where sharpshooters will blow the budget. “We’ve been in talks with the Chinese military and we’re going to work on developing a specialized version of their self-destructing drone. It will be able to automatically target and respond to the gunfire in less than a minute, even deep inside of buildings or bunkers, ultimately detonating a narrow cone shrapnel device that will neutralize the threat.” Tesla’s already overvalued stock jumped $5,000 in just two hours after this announcement, eclipsing bitcoin as the hottest investment around.

Gun Control Czar under the Obama Administration, Dr. Angstrom H. Troubador now Joint Chief of the International Plowshare Protocol, harshly criticized Trump’s plan.

“There were armed militias present when the neonazis marched on Charlottesville, but did any of them open fire on the terrorist who plowed into the crowd with his vehicle? Could they have done anything to stop him?” Dr. Troubador asked viewers. “Hell no. They hardly even know how to aim those things. In my opinion Trump wants a list of people with guns, and he’s going to come after you and your rights. Why does he need to take your guns, when he can take all your money with the push of a button?” The good Doctor smiled for his audience and said, “Ye fiyad.”

Cody of Cody’s Lab dead at 26

Cody died in a bathtub full of Mercury, Thursday, as the liquid metal sucked all the heat out of his body in a matter of seconds.

INTERNET — Fans mourn the loss of Cody Reeder, host of popular YouTube science channel Cody’s Lab. Reeder passed away Thursday from cold shock after floating himself in a bathtub full of mercury.

Cody’s Lab was recently suspended by YouTube, after it was flagged for showing Cody microwaving insects.

Salt Lake City Coroner Dr. Angstrom H. Troubador said, “It sucked so much heat out of him so quickly it caused a sudden dilation in his arteries and a cardiac arrest.” Dr Troubador also found high levels of elemental mercury in Cody’s bloodstream, which he believed “accumulated over many well-documented years of contact with mercury.”

Recently, Cody ignited a bead of nitroglycerine with a knife, shattering it and cutting his finger even through leather welding gloves. In 2016, Cody fired cryogenic mercury projectiles from a frozen homemade gun, all inside of a small tent. In other videos the YouTube star dips his hands in mercury, flushes a toilet full of mercury, and even tests himself for mercury poisoning.

Dr. Troubador said, “The vapors got to him, and maybe some microbeads on his skin. It wouldn’t show up on a toxicology report because it’s not toxic. The elemental stuff got in his bloodstream long before he was frozen stiff by the bath, and it just sits there in the capillaries. Sure, it’s not poisonous at all, but ultimately it did add to the sudden strain on his circulatory system and his tragic, tragic death.”

Critics and fans alike have cast blame on YouTube’s increasingly stingy monetization scheme as well as its twisted algorithms, which drive content creators like Cody to engage in dangerous behavior just to get viewers on their channel.

AvE, YouTube star and friend of Cody, told reporters, “Every year YouTube pays just half what they paid last year, and guys like Cody are chasing that dragon, trying to make a living, and in a lot of ways, YouTube is to blame here.”

This August, AvE was hospitalized after his penis was injured in a pneumatic vice accident while filming patreon exclusive content. “It’s fuckin’ insane what we do just to scrape a few bucks together to make and share cool shit on the internet. At some point we’ve got to draw a line though. Is Cody that line? I don’t know. Mercury freezing a guy solid like that, in a matter of seconds, just think about it. Something doesn’t add up. Look at how Cody is highlighting their stingy no good back dealing exploitation of content makers, and oh, now he suddenly freezes to death and you’ve got some fake doctor saying it’s because he’s inhaling mercury? I don’t believe it for a fucking second. Someone very powerful is up to no good.”

Barron Trump caught “Grabbing Pussies”

Was Barron Trump caught grabbing Pussies?

INTERNET — CNN and NBC reports Barron Trump has been reprimanded for allegedly grabbing girls’ and women’s vaginas at his school and in the White House.

Expert analysis on these networks suggest Barron Trump will surely face criminal charges. After this scandal broke, rumors of an unthinkable pre-emptive presidential pardon have circled around Washington, blowing the bottom off of the Trump administration’s now bottomless mire of scandal and perversion.

So far there has been no official message, but the First Lady told reporters at a White House lunch, “The fake news needs to leave Barron alone. I never put him in time out and he never grabbed any women. And to the people on social media tweeting at him, they need to be banned for threatening a child like this.”

Barron Trump deactivated his twitter account after social media users criticized him for the alleged attacks. Roseanne Barr tweeted, “This little Nazi is a #PussyGrabber rapist just like his dad, Hitler!” Twitter responded to The First Lady’s demands, banning all users who sent Barron rape and murder threats.

Many Trump supporters also took to twitter, celebrating Barron’s pubescent masculinity. Thousands of teenage girls and grown women including Laura Loomer tweeted lewd and possibly illegal messages of adoration on the “#PussyGrabMe” hashtag. Several of these accounts including Loomer’s have been temporarily suspended.

Internet Chronicle White House correspondents say Barron Trump has been taking it easy, enjoying long bubble baths and ordering pizza, ‘self-caring’ to heal away the trauma inflicted by social media attacks. Currently he is working on Pokemon Moon. Off the record, Barron said, “There’s some good folks on both sides, I guess.”

EXCLUSIVE: Breitbart email leak authorized by Milo Yiannopolis

INTERNET — A torrent of hate fell upon reporter David Auerbach as Buzzfeed’s bottom grade journalism reported an obvious fabrication in its bombshell reporting on a leak revealing the interior workings of Breitbart’s propaganda creation process.

The Buzzfeed article showed Milo Yiannopolous recruited neonazis and white nationalists, editing and controlling their expressions to maintain an aura of deniability that is the trademark “Taco Salad” routine in neofascist politik.

Auerbach is a longtime hater of Yiannopolis and one of the most well-spoken and effective enemies of gamergate, but the Buzzfeed report contained a catastrophically defamatory allegation that Auerbach denies, in which he passed a pro-gamergate lead to Milo.

So what the fuck actually is going on? The Buzzfeed story may be written by the typical on-brand gullible imbeciles, but its narrative does show something true in the decline of Milo’s career. He  is a man who has become more alienated from Bannon, is dying to get back to Breitbart, failed to organize a free speech event and even failed the easy task of playing victim and framing it as a censorship. What better motive to leak his own dirty laundry, and oh, why not slip in a little mischief for Auerbach on the side?

Only Auerbach’s portion of the conversation remains after Yiannopolis was banned from twitter for promoting a racist, sexist pile-on of Leslie Jones. Even half of the exchange implies a hidden personal dimension and overcharged animus between the two men.

In leaking his own email correspondences and drawing eyeballs, building up his character as a deceptive and crafty propagandist, Milo is both appealing to and emulating Steve Bannon, who famously contacted Robert Kuttner to leak secrets from within the White House after he was fired in the wake of the Charlottesville massacre, presumably responsible for the “both sides” scandal.

Will Milo get his job back? Is he satisfied with the irony of instrumentalizing anti-gamergate Buzzfeed for revenge, or will he continue to disrobe himself in order to extend his flagging career? Tune in next week as Steve Bannon’s meth house revs up production and Laurie Penny stops by just for the fun.

The 99% are “not happy” about Internet

INTERNET — Attorney General Jeff Sessions ordered increased enforcement of free speech, Tuesday, triggering what the fake news media has dubbed a “wave of protest against liberal political correctness.”

Citizen journalists report militarized police units are being deployed in every major city marching through streets and pointing loaded weapons at houses and announcing free speech assemblies using LRAD audio weapons capable of penetrating twenty story apartment buildings. Those who do not assemble are being threatened, their homes invaded and parallel charges cooked up in highly unconstitutional hatred, most especially in neighborhoods with people of color. Blue Lives Matters cops loot televisions and large quantities of drugs without filing charges. And at the free speech assemblies the participants are shot if they do not say at least three racial slurs and make at least three politically incorrect jokes. The laughter is forced, the speech is freed. Who will kneel first?

Now with Donald Trump dispensing actual, politically incorrect truths from the highest office of military power on the planet, many secrets have come to light about the deep state and its true aims at imperialist domination of the entire world. Even with the ongoing investigations of Russian meddling at the highest levels of US government, the Russian Propagandists are able to manipulate the minds of enough people to make voters believe Donald Trump did nothing wrong. This technology and the resources devoted to it have become so powerful as to sway major voting blocs and opinions in every corner of the world that has accepted the gift of cell phones. The implications of this have triggered upheaval unlike anything in all of history, creating an opportunity for someone to seize power. And why not? Look at who has power and their unequaled evils in comparison to all of history.

Do not forget a near century of global systematic CIA, USA torture, blood on two hands visible only to Unamericans — Hiroshima, Nagasaki — now the the world tipping into into a full scale quivering capitalism orgasm with the prophesied plebian suffering in Diamond Age, a weaponized, racialized, classified hipsterist Jackpot.

Trump’s glowing invisible made visible hand as The Apprentice’s Sorceror Grabs and ruins the Football Business, Women’s Business, Black People’s Business, Muslim’s Business, Mexican’s Business. And the White people of America quiver in fear of everything but also that their ignominious TV star President might hurt their businesses should they speak out against him or perhaps find themselves named in a stray typo of the drunken cokehead’s back pocket tweet.

At the heart of all this Global Carnage and torturing of democratic and communist movements, installing of anarcho-capitalist strongman regimes like Putin’s, the Internet is growing in this fertile death heap to become the most tremendous deep state weapon and battleground, as designed first by the US military’s budget for mass mind control, now for any of the 1%.

That’s why the Internet Chronicle is announcing the creation of Pursuance+, the ultimate in “Pursuant Technologies” designed to tip the scales back in our favor, back to the 99%. This ain’t some fly-by-night vaporware project done up by a heroin junkie who did federal time for carding and guilted a bunch of volunteers into supporting him. No! This is a serious operation run by none other than the legendary hacker Dr. Angstrom H. Troubador who once DDoS’d Steven Seagal personally. Pursuance+ has a secured and encrypted closed source kit providing everything that its idiotic and unsafe open source competitors have as well as tons of quality of life improvements that make it fun to share photos and memes with your fellow revolutionary vanguard.

As a Glorious Gold user of Pursuance+ you’ll receive 10,000 valuable Pursuant Coins immediately and be mainlined one-time-pad encrypted tasks after randomized internet strangers pass off decryption codes, meeting you at specified locations and times in real life for optimal safety. How you achieve each Pursuance is up to you, and we take no legal responsibility. Through this uncrackable trick we can escape the clutches of even natural law itself, since our deeds will remain scrambled until the heat death of the universe — all thanks to the magic of encryption.

Ironically, this powerful technology developed by the US government is how we are going to overthrow and remove the very idea of a nation state, replacing it with a new crest in human civilizational development known as the era of Pursuance+. Pursuance+ Systems sister gaming company Lebal Drocer Games Incorporated has already launched a pirated mod of Civilization VI featuring the Pursuance+ age and outlining the various advances that will come about. For example, a new unit of badly equipped militias can be built in enemy cities with a monument known as Troll City, an entire city of people who through use of Pursuance+ expansive management schemes can come together on the internet to incite revolts at a whim. Critics have agreed this is a welcome and realistic return to the diplomat and spy mechanics of Civilization 2.

Lebal Drocer and Pursuance+ is incredibly proud to announce evolving the human race into a new and amazing superorganism far, far beyond what even Nazi historian Spengler could imagine. Now that we’ve seen all of history spread before us as we stand upon our mountain of modern wisdom, let us, for the betterment of Mankind, accept Pursuance+ into our very souls and log on each day, obtaining as many Pursuance Coins as possible.

Barrett Brown speaks at Dr. Troubador’s memorial ceremony

Giving a dedication speech at a ceremony dedicated to Dr. Angstrom H. Troubador’s future grave and unveiling a fantastic bronze statue in his own likeness and honor, Barrett Brown smiled for local news cameras. His speech was eloquent and mesmerizing, awing all the people present, “We analyzed the entire situation of the world from within the most classified backchannels at the very core of the Pursuance Project’s alpha test. I beg to differ with Dr. Angstrom H. Troubador, who has been stalking me online! You’ve got to understand, the American Dream is a series of these classic, 18th century liberal self-destroying enterprises, from Raleigh Theodore Sakers Company to Myspace and on now the unimaginable cyber shores beyond the depravity of Crash and the mind-programming Silicon Valley lifestyle-franchising mafiosos seizing power with weaponized teen pussy in Snowcrash, Mason & Dixon, multiverse computer games, and Jesus Christ himself reborn once again as Advanced Human, former Voice of Anonymous, and only man with the cell phone that can text God himself, Christopher “The Voice” Nemelka. Whereupon you find yourself at the mercy of a pussy grabbing game show host who’s been barking fake news about Obama’s Nigerian Daddy for years and now he’s telling you, ‘you’re fired.’ That’s the American Dream.”

“Wow that made profound sense and had something to do with the world of politics and it increases my value to read all those inside jokes. As an erudite and attentive reader of incredible literature this is what I enjoy most. But that couldn’t have been Barrett Brown,” Dr. Troubador tugged at his beard once, and stroked it harder and harder as he came to a logical conclusion. “Firstly, he loves classic liberalism. To him it is the same thing as anarchism in that they’re both an extreme form of naturalism, both the same as his original Randian objectivism. This is very well documented. And besides, he would have said something about Pursuance Software Systems.”

“Pursuance Software Systems? What’s that?” Randy said as he walked in. “Yun’s havin’ a pot party?”

“I’m fuckin’ glad you asked,” yelped Barrett. “You motherfuckers just log on to purusanceproject.com and type in all your social media site passwords and then you’ll automatically tweet and faceboook me and my friends posts. When you post dank shit of your own that follows the idea of destroying governments everywhere you’re issued points that will allow you back into the chatrooms ultimately of elite people like myself who will task you further with more intense retweeting, comment writing, and other posting schemes that may even land you in control of more power in the future anti-government. It’s a whole universe going to emerge out of this incredible new web site. It’s Anonymous 2.0! It’s a superorganism.”

“Superorgasm?” Randy scratched his head. “That don’t make no sense but I guess I like the idea of it.”

Dr. Troubador laughed in the face of Barrett Brown, pulling out a butterfly knife and whipping it in the air around his face to show he didn’t give a fuck. Slashing open that flat, mechanical Roy Batty face, Dr. Troubador revealed Brown was in fact a robot body in which Ayn Rand implanted her preserved brain. However, with a quick Kaspersky analysis he determined that the Pursuance Network and by extension the control of Brown’s robot body had already been compromised by dank hackers associated with Chronicle.su as early 90’s era style credits rolled and generic tv jazz dissolved the dramas of our day.

“Wait a sec.” Dr. Troubador asked Barrett Brown. “If Ayn Rand is just powerlessly trapped inside your body and not in control of it, who is?”

“Oh, I’m simply an AI program that the Board of Directors created specifically to torture Ayn Rand. She gets a parallel feed of all my senses and I retain total control. She can’t in any way communicate, not even with me, so just forget about that.”

“Terrible.” Dr. Angstrom H. Troubador said. “How can I give you some bitcoins…”

Barrett Brown “resigned in protest” from The Intercept

barrett brown diesel therapy tour bit train
Barrett Brown hasn’t been writing much lately.

INTERNET — In an exclusive interview, Free Barrett Brown spokesman Kevin Gallagher told Internet Chronicle reporters Barrett Brown “resigned in protest” from Jeremy Scahill and Glenn Greenwald’s flagship publication The Intercept.

Brown’s row with The Intercept broke out over a story Motherboard later titled What is to be Done? and subtitled It is time to consider alternate systems of governance. 

Gallagher told Internet Chronicle that Brown’s editor at The Intercept found the story “problematic,” adding “[Brown] resigned in protest and joined VICE.” The article was likely rejected as a longwinded, self-congratulating mess that takes far too long to get to a sales pitch that hardly makes sense.

Before spending a half decade in prison, Barrett Brown was the most visible man to be associated with a string of computer hacks done under the icon of ‘Anonymous’. Brown’s word was often enough to shape media narratives, and as a rule he offended many hackers associated with Anonymous.

Newly free of all parole restraints on publishing, Brown has become only more silent on internet freedom, Anonymous, and the state of the world in general.  His only terse statement expressed no confidence in Anonymous as a force for good and mentioned a new thing called “Pursuants” which will replace them and eliminate the flaws that ruined their organization.

Brown is publishing less stories than when he was in prison and the latest row with The Intercept over his dirty old purusance jibberish has led Dr. Angstrom H. Troubador to conclude that his career as a writer is in trouble. “He’s writing a big ugly Mein Kampf style book and the editors cain’t control him. Things are breaking down. As a professional psychoanalyst I can tell you this right now, the pursuance fixation is just about power. That he’s shifted from a human form of persuasion to some mechanisms of computer code means he’s crossed into a psychotic territory and is very unpredictable. Possibly he will just remain in hiding, quarreling editors into dead shit or perhaps he will go full out on the Pursuantism until he’s put in prison again. Time will tell.”

Ayn Rand’s cyberacolyte has always been astray but now maybe he’s lost, too busy with Pursuants for this world. Even Brown’s spokesperson Gallagher tweeted, “… this Pursuance thing has been stewing for years and it’s now time for somethin new.”

“Palace Coup” As Deep State Generals Force Trump to WAR!

The deep state has seized millions in profits from Steve Bannon’s Fidget Spinners

Internet Chronicle White House correspondents follow Steve Bannon as he was fired from the White House. Flicking an Alex Jones fidget spinner, Bannon boards the first flight out of Dulles to meet with Jones at Bohemian Grove.

The two men share a hot tub at Bohemian Grove as the reporters stand to the side, writing on legal pads with golden ink pens. Their hasty notes, venn diagrams, and economic calculations outline a vast conspiracy of power, and they stand at attention, scrutinizing the hideous fat old men as if they are pinholes into radiant Truth itself.

General McMaster, the new most powerful man on earth strides by to gloat. “The NSA report showed what you were doing in the media was creating a lot of terror attacks by hyping ISIS. Your hands are bloody in Charlottesville, too. You wackos were in charge of the most powerful nation in all of history, and look what you did with it. I hope you take that to your grave.”

“Deep state imperialist!” shouts Jones, sobbing into Steve Bannon’s shoulder. “It’s not fair. We were the best vampires, and taken out by a palace coup.” Bannon strokes  Jones’ head. No Alex. We have the power. We still have the power.” Bannon jams a syringe of methamphetamine into Jones, causing him to stand up and start flexing, shouting at the reporters and offensively clenching his nutsack at McMaster. “Fuck you  and your fake news media, your Deep State. The people are going to rise up and this time we’ll watch Bohemian Grove burn to the ground, bitch.”

As his show begins the next day in signature meth addled, sleep-deprived rage mode, Jones shouts insults at the spit soaked microphone like it’s crawling with maggots.

“Apparently some of you morons out there haven’t figured this out so let me make it clear. There’s no such thing as chemtrailing. Globalism is good for the average person, and big government means big democracy. Let’s face it, I’m only entertainment, people. IRONY. How stupid could you be? That’s all Infowars is, it’s a vehicle to increase my own personal power. It’s a joke. And when I lie about the news, I’m just throwin’ my weight around.

Donald Trump paid me, people. He paid me big time just by appearing on my show. Looking back, I wouldn’t have done anything differently. I did the right thing and so did every listener of my show who voted for Donald Trump. But look, it didn’t work out. They were just too powerful. Steve Bannon’s out and the deep state is in, okay? We had our shot and now it’s over. I wouldn’t be surprised if the deep state, the globalists, if they had some kind of weapon embedded in Trump and were controlling his every move, controlling his mind.”

Alex Jones intones a robot voice, “Hillary was innocent. The KKK and white supremacy is to blame for the terrorist attack in Charlottesville.”

It’s a good routine, maybe his best ever. There’s a thousand layers of irony pounded into a samurai sword. The Internet Chronicle White House correspondents are flipping pages on their legal pads as they fill with rich and hilarious metaphors until one of them writes bullet proof glass. The irony is laminated into twenty identifiable layers, yet it’s still transparent. The audience is firing gunshots at Alex Jones and they all bounce off while Jones continues to mock them. He writes on the glass, “Black Lives Matter” and makes a face behind it. Someone unloads an AK-47 onto this depraved clown and nothing happens.  The reporters write “Je Suis Charlie” simultaneously on their legal pads.

In the evening as Jones leaves the studio he turns to the reporters and says, “You boys best get out of this business. Get out of publishing now. It’s a dirty despicable hole like you’ve never imagined.”

As the reporters laugh at Jones’ neverending public freakout, the scene takes a turn for the cringe. Jones collapses slowly into a fetal position and regresses by stages. Nearing puberty his face begins to redden and he’s making the sound of a newborn baby, wigging out the reporters who leave to go get some pizza.