Month: April 2013

INTERNET — The “Idea Channel,” a horrifying YouTube production from PBS which aims to educate and entertain within five lighting-fast minutes, has translated television pedagogy to the internet. Surprise! It’s incredibly bad. The painfully hip mustachio’d host Mike Rugnetta rattles off jargon and drops names in front of a backdrop of trendy old vinyl covers as images of his references flash by so quickly one show in 2012 reportedly triggered a wave of epileptic seizures. This “educational” program, tailored to victims of new media whose attention spans have evaporated, generally glosses over deep topics with a few bad jokes and glib statements. The fact that it seems jammed full of good information makes this insipid programming even more dangerous.

In the episode above, Rugnetta asks the question, “Are Cell Phones Replacing Reality?” Among such intellectual gems as, “Ubiquitous computing is awesome and important,” Rugnetta crosses into dangerous territory by calling French Post-Structuralist Jean Baudrillard a “Grumpy Gus.” After a pitiful thirty-second explanation of Baudrillard’s theory, Rugnetta presses the idea that cell phones might replace reality is “alarmist.” To really fill out his unintentionally ironic performance of precisely what Baudrillard has warned against, Rugnetta coldly delivers the verdict, “Being bored stinks, and also we’re more connected and more knowledgeable.” Thank goodness PBS is paying for the “Idea Channel” and funneling all this great knowledge straight to our cell phone. It would really suck to slog through years of sucky, boring media theory.

LONDON — Margaret Thatcher, first female Prime Minister of the United Kingdom and high-ranking Illuminati member, succumbed to old age, making one bitcoin gambler and trained assassin, Ronnie Nitro, a millionaire overnight.

So-called death pools invite owners of bitcoins to bid on the time of death for celebrities, incentivizing free agent hit-men with the kind of big money that was once available only from the evil hands of super-rich. While Margaret Thatcher appears to have died peacefully, others believe her death was orchestrated and timed by subversive bitcoin owners fighting to quell Illuminati machinations.

If this is true, then for the first time, bitcoin has given the masses the same kind of money-moving inertia once available only to the super rich, and the proliferation of death pools may very well shatter their iron grip on government and business, clearing the way for young aspiring hip hop stars who are surely being suppressed by the Illuminati in the same way Michael Jackson was repeatedly poisoned, framed, maimed, and eventually murdered for their Satanic purposes.

INTERNET — Barrett Brown, who conspired with Hector Monsegur AKA Sabu in snitching out millions of righteous Anonymous virtual sit-in activists, revealed from prison to the despicable tabloid, Vice magazine, that his imprisonment was all an intentional publicity stunt meant to bring attention to fake government-sponsored facebook and Twitter profiles currently spreading virulent propaganda across the world. Why was Brown arrested, and why did he seemingly turn on his shadowy government keepers?

Brown’s Project PM, an open-source digital snitch tank, where the PM literally stands for “Persona Management,” acted like flypaper for subversive elements so Feds could easily monitor their every behavior. Some even go so far as to believe Brown was hired by HB Gary as part of an operation to bring lots of scary press down on shady cabals of super-elite hackers who really don’t exist. His bombastic, orthodox, and arrogant style did much to project a clear image to folks at home that he represented the “hacking collective” Anonymous, and that they should be very afraid of the impending global revolution  cyberwarriors would spearhead within the next five years. Of course, these were the statements of a provocateur, dripping with fish-hooks baiting like-minded people into a totally government-controlled honeypot, the so-called nerve center of Anonymous, Anon Ops.

As it turns out, Jenna Deville, member of a private contractor competing with Brown’s Project PM and ex-Mossad Krav Maga instructor, seduced and then drugged Brown with a powerful weaponized hallucinogen, thrusting him into a delusional state that caused him to temporarily flip his allegiance from the FBI to Anonymous, and in this drugged state, Brown threatened the children of a character from the Matrix movie series. Deville is said to have conspired with Adrian Lamo, and is rumored to also be affiliated with his group, Project Vigilant.

John Thiessen, acting head of Project PM, has warned against so-called apologists for Deville. “She’s a rat, and I’ve always known it. Barrett Brown was a child prodigy, a very intelligent and close friend of mine. These government sock puppets out there are doing it people. They’re lying to you. They get these beautiful women as their profile and then they hook you in, brainwash you.”