Event Horizon: Hillary Clinton’s ‘blood circle’ of trust
Step aside boys, because #ItsHerTurn! Clinton is going GIRL this week with a fresh new look and ALL-NEW attitude!
She’s mighty sick of them lies The Bern’s been a-spreadin’ and Hill is “going ham,” according to one anonymous source among her circle of trust – which Clinton endearingly refers to as her ‘Event Horizon’ – a demarcated point of intimate trust, beyond which there is no escape but death.
“When Birdie Sanders won Alaska and Hawaii, Secretary Clinton vomited bile, squatted down in the floor and, like a dog, scooted around and smeared her own feces across my off-white rug,” the source told Internet Chronicle on Friday.
“Her head swiveled 360 degrees and she was sucked by some mysterious, invisible force up from her throne of human bones, and she was hurtled back-first against a cross. Her clothes exploded into ribbons which tied themselves, as if magically, around her throat and torso, as she shrieked out in Latin…something about souls of the unborn? I don’t know. Mrs. Clinton has a fantastic sense of humor!”
[pullquote]Mrs. Clinton has a fantastic sense of humor.
Anonymous[/pullquote]
Although Clinton might have a strong sense of humor, she harbors an insatiable thirst for drone-enhanced military incursion.
“Terror attacks make Hillary Clinton wet,” says Senate Intelligence Committee Chairman Dianne Feinstein. “Hill can only breathe an atmosphere composed of 75% human blood mist, sprayed into the air like in War of the Worlds. So when she hears tell of a terror attack, buddy, she is THERE, and I mean selling tickets.”
Clinton, who has promised to expand the drone terrorism program using campaign contributions from Lockheed-Martin, Planned Parenthood and Lebal Drocer, Inc, has launched a new social media campaign, #ItsHerTurn.
“The Planned Parenthood drone strikes are a spectacle. They come down here and abort ISIS fetuses for free, and make Republicans pay for it.” – Muhammad Assad, brown person
Each drone is equipped with a tiny vacuum, and a Cervical Scraping Device™ (CSD, patent pending). It subdues the mother-not-to-be and forcibly extracts the terrorist from her womb before it can grow to the aggressive, adult stage. The drones return to the United States and expel their contents in blood-mist chemtrails across skies over the Midwest, where the nation’s food is grown.
A specialized, smaller drone follows Clinton around personally. It provides her with a personal blood cloud she needs to survive, chew food, and stay lubricated.
Because like a wolf, Clinton’s vagina can sense fear. When she takes off her underwear, her labia unfolds into raw, bloody tendrils that seek to pull in anything nearby. Her tentacles are known to clamp onto hesitant cocks and pull them in, breaking them off at the base, and suck them into her yawning snatch. The reaction is described as entirely involuntary.
“Secretary Clinton’s vagina famously ate a Volkswagen in 2001, salvaged from beneath the wreckage of the September 11 attack on the World Trade Center,” Feinstein said. “The victims were still inside, but that did not stop Madame Secretary from swallowing the vehicle whole into her uterus and later secreting out the unwanted asbestos and rubber. So yeah, she has blood clouds and an autonomous, carnivorous sex organ. It’s her turn.”