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Hillary Clinton unveils predatory abortion drone program that ‘feeds her a mist of unborn fetal tissue’

Event Horizon: Hillary Clinton’s ‘blood circle’ of trust

Hillary 2016
T̷̛̮͈̹͕̘̬̞̞̋͆ͨ̈́̋͑͆͂̽̓͆̀h̴̡̢̛̠̬͇͚̮̺̠̼̘͕͈̻̜ͪ̑ͦͭ̿ͫ͐̋͑̽͌̀ͧ̇ͮ̚ͅeͮ̅ͣ̀͡͏̯͍̱̬̻͓̗̗̻̠̥͔͈̞͞ ̗͖͍ͩ̏ͫͮ͆̉͛̌̈́͒ͤͦ̑͋ͫ́ͪͫ̕͟͟C̓͑̏̍̿ͮ͊͗̓̇ͪ͑̂͘͏̴̵̨̝̯͚̲̦̱̳̩ȍ̶͛̓̾ͯ͋̑͂̂ͬ̊ͭ͂͋ͭ҉̛̯̟̙̞̯̥̮̱̪̀ͅŗ̶̤̫͓͓͉̱̗̘̲̯̫͔̞̖͙͓ͤͨͦͦ̀́p̧͇͉͈̥̜̘̣̞̬̠͉̣͔̭̹̦̿ͦͮ̅͋̓ͨ̑̾̽̒̑̈́̅͆͑́͞ͅo̧̿͒̍̎ͧ͆ͭͭ̿ͣͧ͌̚҉͉͔̲̜̥̱͙͍͍͈͇r̛̳̠̦̗̩̭͖̲͇̠͍͊̅̈ͥͪ̓ͪ̓͑ͭ́͢͠ḁ̴̡̧̙͙̫̣̮͇̫̰͕͊̏͗ͧ̾ͯ͐t̨̢͈̠̗̻̻͙̞͙̱̜͓̫̟̝̺͕ͣ̀̂̆͜e̱̮̥͉̟̦̮̹͙̗ͥ̀͌ͯ̂̓̆ͪ͗ͨͣ̽̃̊̒ͭͭ̚͟͟ ̷̧̥͎̤̳͕̼̲̭͈͙͚̯͗̀͛̈́̀͠M̧̛͚̹͎͍̝ͤͦͫ͂ͩͨͧ͋̀̂ͩ͋͠a̷̢̤̥͖͖ͨ̓̇͂̽̉͐̅ͣͤ̿̕̕͠sͤ̎̋ͫ͏̧̥̗̗̜̳͇͚̙̺̦̞̯̱̰̗͓͖̼t̸̶̡̮̱̹͎͇͍̝̻̼̱͔͖͈̝̑̾͒̍̅ͬ̍ͬ̓́͢e̢̧̨̯̙͇̳̹͍̼̥͍̗̥̘̝̭̣̝͈̓̏̿̀̽̈́̈ͥͥ̇̚͢͞ͅͅr̡̗̹̥ͣ͆ͧ͂̍ͦ͒ͪ ̗̞̤̹̝ͧ̋͋̌̀͠Ä̴̸̴̲̹̳̪̩͍̱̙͇͇̗̙̎ͫͭ͂̾̓ͯ͂ͧ̃̿͌̎͜͢w̨͙̣̬͓͉̖͈̺̣͚̯͍̠͌ͬ͊̔̔͂̏ͮͥ̍̔̇̒̔ͮ͐̀̊̀́͢͜ͅą̧̛͎͉̣̦̭͎̫̯̻̯̯̘͉̪̣̻͔̺̔̏̆̽͋̑̂ͣͮ̎͐͠i̅͐͒͗͏̶̟̮̬̦͈̻͉͙͉̣̻͞t̸̢̡͉̜̦̠̲̮͛͗ͬ͐̐̑͆̿͂̈́̾̊̔ͧͣ̌ͨ̈́̚ş̴̥̬̦̼̮̖̻̃͆̑͐͐ͤ̀͊̎̏ͥͥ̀̚

Step aside boys, because #ItsHerTurn! Clinton is going GIRL this week with a fresh new look and ALL-NEW attitude!

She’s mighty sick of them lies The Bern’s been a-spreadin’ and Hill is “going ham,” according to one anonymous source among her circle of trust – which Clinton endearingly refers to as her ‘Event Horizon’ – a demarcated point of intimate trust, beyond which there is no escape but death.

“When Birdie Sanders won Alaska and Hawaii, Secretary Clinton vomited bile, squatted down in the floor and, like a dog, scooted around and smeared her own feces across my off-white rug,” the source told Internet Chronicle on Friday.

“Her head swiveled 360 degrees and she was sucked by some mysterious, invisible force up from her throne of human bones, and she was hurtled back-first against a cross. Her clothes exploded into ribbons which tied themselves, as if magically, around her throat and torso, as she shrieked out in Latin…something about souls of the unborn? I don’t know. Mrs. Clinton has a fantastic sense of humor!”

[pullquote]Mrs. Clinton has a fantastic sense of humor.

Anonymous[/pullquote]

Although Clinton might have a strong sense of humor, she harbors an insatiable thirst for drone-enhanced military incursion.

“Terror attacks make Hillary Clinton wet,” says Senate Intelligence Committee Chairman Dianne Feinstein. “Hill can only breathe an atmosphere composed of 75% human blood mist, sprayed into the air like in War of the Worlds. So when she hears tell of a terror attack, buddy, she is THERE, and I mean selling tickets.”

Clinton, who has promised to expand the drone terrorism program using campaign contributions from Lockheed-Martin, Planned Parenthood and Lebal Drocer, Inc, has launched a new social media campaign, #ItsHerTurn.

Clinton says she wants to help women take control of their bodies by taking control of their bodies. #ItsHerTurn | chronicle.su
Clinton says she wants to help women take control of their bodies by taking control of their bodies.

“The Planned Parenthood drone strikes are a spectacle. They come down here and abort ISIS fetuses for free, and make Republicans pay for it.” – Muhammad Assad, brown person

Each drone is equipped with a tiny vacuum, and a Cervical Scraping Device (CSD, patent pending). It subdues the mother-not-to-be and forcibly extracts the terrorist from her womb before it can grow to the aggressive, adult stage. The drones return to the United States and expel their contents in blood-mist chemtrails across skies over the Midwest, where the nation’s food is grown.

Clinton's Secretary of State service drone sprays blood mist of forcibly aborted fetuses over the United States. The blood cloud follows Clinton around, because she needs it to survive.
Clinton’s Secretary of State service drone sprays blood mist of forcibly aborted fetuses over the United States. The blood cloud follows Clinton everywhere, because she needs it to survive.

A specialized, smaller drone follows Clinton around personally. It provides her with a personal blood cloud she needs to survive, chew food, and stay lubricated.

Because like a wolf, Clinton’s vagina can sense fear. When she takes off her underwear, her labia unfolds into raw, bloody tendrils that seek to pull in anything nearby. Her tentacles are known to clamp onto hesitant cocks and pull them in, breaking them off at the base, and suck them into her yawning snatch. The reaction is described as entirely involuntary.

“Secretary Clinton’s vagina famously ate a Volkswagen in 2001, salvaged from beneath the wreckage of the September 11 attack on the World Trade Center,” Feinstein said. “The victims were still inside, but that did not stop Madame Secretary from swallowing the vehicle whole into her uterus and later secreting out the unwanted asbestos and rubber. So yeah, she has blood clouds and an autonomous, carnivorous sex organ. It’s her turn.”

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Categories
Entertainment Health Technology

Barack Obama's Top 5 Favorite Violent Videogames

Portrait of a killer: What drove Barack Obama to senseless murder?

Call of Duty: Modern Occupation 2
Brought to you patriotically by Lebal Drocer, Inc.

‘Sup fellas! Six years into President Barack Obama’s indefinite rule, ‘the drone strike madman’ recently executed a series high-profile civilian murders referred to by analysts as “the Columbine of the Middle East.” Needless to say, Barry’s got a few of us here at the Chronicle wondering, “Dude, what did those weddings ever do to you?”

I’m Dr. Angstrom H. Trubadeur, and I have a Ph.D in child psychology. I have been watching Barack Obama for warning signs of a troubled childhood, and I am sad to report our “P” is extremely disturbed as a result of exposure to hyperviolent videogames.

For more than 30 years, I have studied the effects on violent videogames on children like Barry. I have published studies in Nature, New Scientist and The Internet Chronicle explaining how and why videogames negatively affect people’s behavior; how it affects their minds; how it affects their worldview; and in this case, how violent videogames led to the most unrelenting series of terrorist attacks ever conducted in human history.

As part of a crack team of Chronicle researchers, we are all searching for an answer to the same question: Why you gotta kill so many innocent people, Barry?

Modern Warfare 2

Former Sec. of Defense Donald Rumsfeld said Modern Warfare 2 would trigger “anger blackouts” in Barack and he became inconsolable until an innocent victim died in a simulated explosion.

“Barry used to play that predator drone mission over and over again,” Rumsfeld said. “We thought nothing of it, at the time. But little did we know, Barack Obama would go on to be even more evil – and less human – than I am.”

You can still see his eyes flicker every so often, as Barry reminds himself and others to ‘stay frosty.’

Tropico 4

Former Chief of Staff Angel Hyatt said Obama used to sit in his office at ACORN all day, deliberating with Penultimo over whether to pay the USSR immediately, or in bi-annual installments.

“You could tell he really wanted to become a hardline dictator someday,” Hyatt said. “Videogames allowed him to do that in a safe environment. Now that he’s president, who knows what dormant perversions lie in wait.”

Hyatt added that Barry’s success at Tropico was owed to the early issue of the Wiretapping and Secret Police edicts, available after appointing a Minister of Defense. “No uprisings here!” Barry gleefully announced.

“I’m looking at Obama for a fourth term,” Hyatt said. “He seems to enjoy the human bed.”

Coke Fiend 3

"hot coffee" in the face
This is the first Coke Fiend to feature a secret spousal abuse mini-game.

Barry loved every aspect of drug dealing: the profiteering, the exploitation, drug abuse – you name it. It certainly explains a lot about all the guns the CIA runs through Mexico.

His affinity for Coke Fiend 3 was more of a byproduct of an existing history of powermongering. There is little evidence to suggest the Coke Fiend game series led to an increase in Obama’s drug crimes, but Barry was encouraged to commit racist hate crimes against Haitian ‘marks’ that he still can not talk about today without flying into a celebrated “blind rage mode.”

Both parents admitted he was never the same after playing this MA-17 Rated game.

Benghazi Cover-Up Simulator 2014

Your main character powers up when FOX News discredits a legitimate search for answers by participating in it.

Barry may have hardened his icy demeanor – and cold, unchanging gaze – by advancing a virtual political agenda in this gross negligence simulator.

Barry got the multiplayer expansion during a Steam Summer Sale and invited Sec. of State Hillary Clinton to play the game with him. During that time, they developed a perverse, destructive relationship at the center of an ever-expanding web of lies.

The two have entered into a suicide pact.

EVE Online

Nothing else could explain Barry’s insatiable lust for power and corporate servitude than his bottomless addiction to EVE Online.

Thousands of hours of dedication to this space-capitalism MMO may have put Barry – and our nation – on a direct path to unchecked neoliberalism. EVE Online is a libertarian hellscape beyond the imagination of anything Ayn Rand could have ever invented.

Hyatt said Barry came out of the experience with a new vision: To turn America into a new center of commerce, in which millions – perhaps hundreds of millions – could participate voluntarily in their own enslavement.

With the illusion of choice and control, Barry sustains corporate livelihood with an economic model no other country can live up to: unregulated industrialization of covert prisons and warfare, fed by increasing the necessity of war itself.

Without EVE Online and the addictive hyperviolence of Coke Fiend 3, America’s 44th president might have been a man of the people. But as a result of overexposure to gruesome, sexual imagery he is neither man, nor person.

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Categories
Sports

Robots, military and unmanned drones to monitor 2014 World Cup

Drone Cam
Look! Look! You’re on the Drone Cam! — The 2014 World Cup will feature Drone Cam for the first time ever.

Officials behind the 2014 World Cup said they have deployed the most extensive security apparatus ever to create what is anticipated to be the safest, most patriotic gaming event in the history of sport.

American robots will monitor the ground while Israeli drones patrol the skies over the Confederations Cup football (soccer) tournament in what’s being called a “dry run,” by security officials, before the World Cup next year.

The unmanned aircraft feature thermal cameras that can see through walls and clothing to scan individuals concealing bombs strapped around their bodies.

Other security measures listed for testing are flyovers by Air Force fighter jets equipped with surveillance equipment.

Thousands of extra troops are being brought in to patrol the stadiums used for the Confederations Cup, to create a family-friendly atmosphere of rigidity and stringent control.

Experts, however, believe visitors will be immediately vulnerable to street crime once they stray from tightly secured areas because the local police force is being pulled from street duty to satisfy the public’s undying urge to see shiny riot shields and paramilitary crowd control gear.

“We are strongly concerned with ensuring safety and security to all our athletes, tourists, heads of state and delegations,” Sports Minister Aldo Rebelo told reporters on a conference call last week. The call is now known to have been monitored by the National Security Agency, an ironic and horrifying security breach.

At least 45,000 personnel will be deployed to all the events leading up to the World Cup in Brazil, meaning one guard will be assigned to every 50 spectators of the matches. In addition to 3,500 military police officers, security forces will also include a battalion of riot police with two armored vehicles, a canine unit of sniffer dogs trained to detect drugs and explosives as well as eight fucking sharpshooters, said Fabio Pizetta, the head of Brazilia’s riot police division.

Holy shit.

No facts from this story were fabricated for hyperbolic effect.
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2014 World Cup sponsored by Nike, New Century slave masters.

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