Experts: All social media now ‘just circles’

INTERNET – Social media platforms, apparently fascinated by the roundness of circles, are pretty must just, like, totally circles now.

The phenomenon began when some neurotic designer decided to break away from every convention, including the shape itself of windows and computer screens.

With a twinkle in his eye, chronicle.su media historian Dr. Angstrom H. Troubadour recalls “them good old days.”

“Like the old TVs, remember how crappy they were? They weren’t squares,” he said. “They didn’t have corners. But now social media, on sites which started as squares, are just circles again. They want to go back to when floor model TVs were the focus of the room and were somewhat more aesthetically pleasing, I guess. But TV back then sucked. It was just horses and cowboys and shit, because it was on crappy technology. TV was so bad back then, they didn’t even record it. Producers just aired it live and said, ‘Ah, forget about it.’ And now that’s what social media is. A bunch of shit you’d never want to see, all taking place inside of a stupid, fucking circle.”

Circular designs is the ultimate hipster black hole, Troubadour says.

“Hey, haven’t you heard? Stuff that sucks is good now – ask any hipster – and so we’re going full circle. Social media sucks again!”

When social media was composed of rectangles and squares, you could literally pull pussy out of your computer screen, according to Anonymous. Now, with these circles, it’s all you can do to even get a girl to notice you, users report.

“What’s that? Sorry, I couldn’t tell you had any personality, edginess or discernible features at all, because I see everything through a circle now. All the edges are cut off.”

-Circle Plus user

It wasn’t until like, 1999 we finally got a perfectly square television screen, and all of a sudden these millennials are scrambling for circles again, Troubadour said. He said it’s the same reason Instagram’s icon is a roundish Polaroid, and all their filters and borders harken back to shitty technology, as if it’s something we would ever want to return to. And now people are reducing the fidelity of their media to the grainy, blurry, sepia-tone point of uselessness.

“People fought wars and died for the square, people spent their life’s work developing perfectly flat, square television pictures and computer monitors, and now you want to go BACK to the circle?” he asked. “Come on, let’s be reasonable.”

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