INTERNET — President Biden was rushed from his Delaware campaign headquarters to Walter Reed Medical Center Monday evening, after what a White House spokesperson called a “medical emergency.” President Biden passed away shortly after being placed on ventilator, presumably due to respiratory failure. The American military mourns the loss of their commander-in-chief, with flags across the nation flying at half staff.
Vice President Kamala Harris has been sworn into office during an emergency flight to Washington DC aboard Air Force One.
President Harris has ordered an end to the genocide in Gaza and the war in Ukraine, and promised to de-schedule psilocybin mushrooms and ketamine so that they’ll be more available for traumatized citizens. Harris announced, “We’ve got a lot of people with PTSD due to all these wars, and we’re going to make sure they can get some real medicine that actually works.”
President Biden was diagnosed with COVID-19, Wednesday, although critical billionaire activist Elon Musk noted the convenience of his sickness and inevitable death, “You want to hide the truth from the people? Well I know better. They killed Biden in a coup! This is a hostile takeover and they’ll never let Trump win. I’ve seen their plans. They’ve got a whole binder full of mass shooters lined up to take him out, but we will resist as best we can, using our inexhaustible high tech resources. We are Anonymous. We do not forgive. We do not forget. Expect us.”