Libya, the last bastion of Freedom

America has rained hell upon my African nation and used Al-Qaeda as a proxy for ground war. We all know that Al-Qaeda exists only as a false-flag extension of American Imperialism. There is actually no war going on in Afghanistan. American troops are cooperating with Al-Qaeda to help cultivate Opium and spend most of their time smoking the local Kush or playing Call of Duty.

I have in my possession proof of these claims and proof that 9/11 was personally planned by George W. Bush. My African son and Muslim brother, Barack Hussein Obama can not tolerate their release because they prove he was born in Libya. I turned to my personal confidant and ally, Julian Assange, who now has made the information safe by disguising it as internal Bank of America documents.

In the coming year, I may be killed by imperialist assassins. Yet I will stand strong! I will fight to the death. The crowds of armed protesters I bombed were incited to rebellion by Operation Metal Gear, and I have been in contact with Barrett Brown. He has assured me that all these revolutions in the Arab world have been artificially created by an army of sockpuppet Facebook accounts posting false information. We are certain that these same tactics are being used to calm Americans and disseminate dissent.

The leaders of all other nations conspire against me! I have not yet ordered my armies to do anything but defend their own lives. When I issue the attack, there will be nothing but death. All in Libya will burn! The dogs of the media will choke on their own lies, and the truth will be seen in a mountain of bodies. You did this, America! You are the ones who bombed the people of Libya!