Obama kicks off his campaign for reelection

Osama Bin Laden has been assassinated by the United States Government under the command of Nobel Peace Prize laureate Barack Hussein Obama. President Obama strategically timed this announcement in order to hurt the ratings of Donald Trump’s reality television show. Trump’s comb-over has recently forced the president of the United States to release his long-form birth certificate, riding a populist wave of racial hatred. Trump has used reality television to leverage his position as front runner for 2012 Republican candidacy. This announcement is a blow aimed directly at Donald Trump’s dick. A crowd was planted outside the White House with cameras at the ready, conditioned to maniacally chant their nationalist fervor. 2011 will be remembered as the year in which television replaced reality.

Talking heads repeat the phrase “Bin Laden is dead” as Americans everywhere get hard-ons in anticipation of the moment when Obama will utter the phrase himself. Speculation on Al-Qaeda’s reprisal is used to strike fear into our hearts, a dangling reminder of the horrific images from 9/11. The terror threat level has been raised for the first time in years, in preparation for this incredibly important news. Terror is back, and it’s here to stay. Break out the American flag, because the fight is on.

Osama bin Laden is a figure who became irrelevant at least four years ago. His death is not a national security issue, it is a publicity stunt. Many believe that Bin Laden has, in fact, been dead for years from natural causes. Obama’s policy of death in Libya has been met coldly by his supporters until now. The masses now cry out in celebration for death.

Obama has already submitted a new schematic for the Oval Office that will allow him to maximize enjoyment of his next five years in office. The Oval Office is being converted into a propaganda machine full of gearboxes, timing belts, and terror-alert graphical representations – surrounding a hollow core in which Obama sits, naked, issuing liquid ideology from his pores which evaporates into hot air and is then blown miles into the sky.

Obama’s rhetoric was little more than a base appeal to emotions that heartlessly described the imagery of 9/11. There is no doubt that this self-satisfied speech will be repeated on the campaign trail hundreds of times. Nearly a million Muslims have been killed in revenge for 9/11, but the death of Bin Laden has justified it all. Obama concluded his speech with an invocation to the Christian God of America. Tea Party members are still convinced that Hussein is a secret Muslim.