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KYAnonymous outrage all about KYAnonymous, not the victims

Deric Loststutter debate has everything to do with victims, claims "victims"
Deric Loststutter debate has everything to do with victims, claims “victims”

INTERNET — Butthurt continued Monday from last week when Deric Lotstutter derailed a feminist hashtag reserved for rape survivor stories with his own Kentucky brand shameless self-promotion. News of the recent purchase of Lotstutter’s story by Brad Pitt’s film company and the renewal of Lotstutter’s #knightsec operations with “Anonymous” have emotions running high on all sides of the Lotstutter debate, but some critics are asking, “Isn’t the Lotstutter debate really a one-sided hatefest targeting Deric Lotstutter and acting out a perverted but nearly identical form of the very same behavior it opposes?”

Lebal Drocer, Inc. believes it is best to abort all mention of Deric Lotstutter and instead feature the fictional narratives of young teenage girls who, thanks in part to Deric Lotstutter’s vigilante campaigning, get to finally tell the whole world about that time when a gang of drunken jocks raped them, put it all on facebook, and were let off the hook by the local all-male football shadow government and then drew the heavy gaze of a nationwide Nancy Grace scale scandal.

One rape victim who wished to remain totally Anonymous came forward, triumphantly and without shame to declare in the voice of a gospel preacher, “Yes I was raped by Deric Loststutter. I am not ashamed to shout it from the mountain down to every household in the nation and make my narrative an essential, but truly Anonymous, part of the Hollywood movie starring Brad Pitt.”

Several other rape victims reportedly published similar comments in the abysmal “Ian Watkins Dead” comment section of this fine internet publication. One of the raped wrote, “KYAnonymous saved my life with his brutal rape. In fact, I’m part of the burgeoning rape fanatic underground and always dress like I want it. That’s why the fuck I didn’t report. I wanted it.”

One of the most beautiful and buxom rape victims took a picture that echoed through the internet’s counter-rape-sphere at maximum intensity. In the photo she held a card with a message that read:

“KyAnonymous raped me, Steubenville raped me, Nancy Grace raped me, those jocks and their parents too. You’re raping me right now by looking at this photo, the very thing that most bothers me. Stop looking. I don’t care that it even happened anymore, but it’s like the internet can’t let go of it. I feel like a toy of some monstrous infantile collective mind. Fuck you all. Die. The one small consolation is I’m about to get raped hardest of all by Brad Pitt, and that’s just hyperbolic rape. I used to be a misandrist in the days after the rape, but you made me into a misantrhope. Never speak of me again and give me my right to the abyss. I love you, grandma.”

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The Social Media World War Spring

World War 4: Modern Warfare hits shelves tomorrow
World War 4: Modern Warfare hits shelves tomorrow

KIEV — Ukraine’s new government launched “anti-terror” military operations to eject Russian mercenaries entrenched in Eastern Ukraine. Mercenaries with these same fatigues were supported by the nationalist bike gang cavalry in taking Crimea from the new American-backed European Union “Nazis” in Kiev.

These are default lies, insulting to anyone with a shred of intelligence, which are plucked from the ocean of data available now that participating in a never ending focus group, “social media,” is the most popular pastime for internet users. The scary other is generated in a mutual relationship between the audience and the panderer, and this relationship is heightened where broadcasting equipment goes full facebook, twitter, youtube and eventually the audience and the panderer merge to generate an exceptionally convincing pander. This is a high-def photographic rendering of every ideological contour instead of the stylized oil canvas panoramas of the Nazis, Communists, or the victorious United States of America.

 

 

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Daymon "Daym Drops" Patterson Dead from Heart Attack

"Daym," who died Wednesday from a heart attack, was known for his bombastic takeout reviews.
“Daym,” who died Wednesday from a heart attack, was known for his bombastic takeout reviews.

INTERNET — Youtube sensation and fast food review monarch “Daym” of the Daym Drops channel was known for a famous review of Five Guys Burgers and Fries, in which he coined his signature line, “Oh my Dayum.” Hundreds of fast food reviewers rallying under Daym’s hashtag, #teamdaym, have expressed solemn grief and are mourning Daym’s death by reviewing Wendy’s “secret menu” quadruple quarter pounder, the last burger Daym reviewed. Daym passed away Wednesday morning from a heart attack.

Joey, of Joey’s Super Kool Food Reviews and #teamdaym said, “Daym was the best food reviewer in the whole wee wide worldy, but I’m wambling. I’m wambling! Gang, Daym’s reviews were the benchmark for the industry. They separated amateur shot-in-car food chewers and the pros. His closeups of the food, the ‘peep game’, was a groundbreaking moment in YouTube fast food film and made everything I do possible. Gang, I’m wearing black for Daym.”

Around  the nation, fast food restaurants are shutting down as automated FastBoxes replace expensive human workers who have been slowly pulled into the hellish tomb-world of material meaninglessness by the ethereal manifold omnipotent power of global economic forces beyond any human control. Where the restaurants have not closed, the drive through intercom has been outsourced to Mumbai. It seems the high quality fast food we’ve come to respect and critique has not only died, but so has its soul, which lurked somewhere inside the four hundred pound Daym Drops of YouTube, Twitter, and Facebook.