Author: Kilgoar

The Zune Reset Management Tool has been wiped from Microsoft Servers because hackers used it to subvert Digital Rights Management (DRM) built into its devices. DRM is known by libertarian software activists as “defective by design” because Zune software removes tracks without alerting the user.

This Reset Tool was the last recourse for struggling people who owned files which had not been purchased and certified by Microsoft and their menacing Copyright overlords paying them off to code this living hell.

Now forced up against a wall and facing a prison-house of incomplete audio lectures and novels, Zune owners gnash their teeth and beat their breasts as they are denied their own files with purposefully defective software lorded over the great media serfdoms. It didn’t used to be this way, kids. Back in my day, even Microsoft made media players and not media empires. Well, them days are long gone, but some folks out there still make media players that actually work, and if’n they cain’t get their tracks to play in order at least they’re all still there and not stolen from ye by hidden software hegemons acting like computer glitches to drive you into a rage which is the penalty for your non-compliance with their evil and insane wish for total power over your every scrap of media.

Lebal Drocer’s new Media player from Your Anonymous Industries features a small color OLED display and easily-locked buttons that don’t go off with the slightest feather-like touch — and if they do it features a NEW undo button! It’ll play any goddamn file because to hell with paying off the dicks who want royalties for file conventions. We’re an open source tool for educational use only!

[pullquote]“When you open your mind you allow demons to take over.”[/pullquote]INTERNET — The April and Wayne Show has revealed the true meaning behind Rihanna’s hit pop song Diamonds, which draws heavily on biblical imagery and is indicating the path to Buddha-Consciousness with the lyrics like, “Shine bright like a diamond,” and “I knew that we would become one right away.” April and Wayne have strained to translate this Rihanna song into eastern religion because, it seems, more and more young people are becoming Buddhists and leaving their churches behind. Rihanna is only invoked to reach out to a young audience of YouTubers who accidentally click on the video hoping for music, but what they find is creepy bass strings interposed with Rihanna’s pop backing a fast-pace authoritarian voice rattling off proof that Buddha-Consciousness is, in fact, Lucifer-Consciousness. “Meditation is also emptying your mind,” and according to the video, “When you open your mind you allow demons to take over.”

Dr. Angstrom H. Troubador Rinpochet, a living reincarnation of the Padmasambhava, said, “This video did not offend me at all, and if people are afraid of demons then they probably should not meditate.”

Continued interaction with aspiring hip-hop talent on Twitter reveals two camps: Pro-Illuminati and Anti-Illuminati. In hip-hop mythology the Illuminati not only control the levers of global power, but also and most importantly manage the rise and fall of famous artists. The Anti-Illuminati seem to espouse a wider range of viewpoints than the Pro-Illuminati, whose tweets are often mystical and heavily influenced by eastern spiritual traditions. One Pro-Illuminati rapper known as Jevohan D. Barnes posted a video of an ecstatic peak experience which was triggered by sight of a near hashtag formed by chemtrails a day after a much better “tic tac toe.” Anti-Illuminati artists, on the other hand, are as often xenophobic as transcendent, but it is among this camp where the most expressive social criticism and self-reliant gangsterisms are to be found in the vein of rap legend Tupac’s “Killuminati” and “Makaveli” albums.

LAS VEGAS — In what may come to be a medical landmark, “Chumlee” Russell of Pawn Stars fame died from a marijuana overdose Monday night and was found by friend “Big Hoss” Harrison on Tuesday morning. Earlier this year, “Chumlee” was arrested with seven pounds of marijuana which he asserted were all for personal use.

According to Dr. Angstrom H. Troubador, “The only possible way he could have died from a marijuana overdose without first clogging his lungs with soot is through the use of vaporizers. Reportedly, Chumlee had rigged up to 90 vaporizers into one tube and had a team of groupies constantly loading them up with the stickiest and most potent of marijuana available on the market.”

Fans and family mourn the loss of “Chumlee” and have taken the opportunity to speak out against drug abuse. “To die like that, it’s just a shame,” said Rick Harrison, manager of the world famous Gold and Silver Pawn Shop, as he teared up. “It’s just a shame to lose such a fun guy as Chum. Rest in peace, buddy.”