Daniel “Keemstar” Keem dead at 39

Keemstar was found dead after a tragic shooting in his apartment

INTERNET– Fans mourn the loss of Daniel Keem, better known as the YouTube sensation ‘Keemstar’, whose “Drama Alert” video series stirred up beef among the platform’s most famous creators.

Keem was found dead in his apartment from an apparent “execution-style” gunshot wound to the back of his head. Police are investigating this as a homicide and say the perpetrator is likely still on the loose.

Trey Wiggins, Chief of the Buffalo Police told reporters, “Well, this one is a real headscratcher. We’re narrowing down the suspects but Mr. Keem hasn’t made things easy for us. There are literally hundreds of thousands of suspects.”

Fans have posted their favorite memes of Keem in remembrance, the most popular showing the presenter’s face superimposed on a gnome in celebration of his miniature voice and lack of powerful video presence.

‘Hamandcheese’, a small-time partner of the Twitch corporation, told Internet Chronicle “You don’t want to get the attention of Keemstar. He’ll ruin your career before it even gets off the ground. It’s most likely this was a revenge-oriented killing related to one of his ongoing beefs. No one likes a shit-stirrer.”

Joe Rogan told listeners, “I’m sorry for Keem, and for his family. But the guy was like a cancer on the internet and I won’t miss him. He was an ugly bully who was obsessed with ugliness and stupidity. You reap what you sow, that’s what I always say. It’s not nice, but it’s the truth.”


Shrekt: Not half bad for a band doing metal Smash Mouth covers

The guy is short but wide, wiry long hair with goatee, half in a cheap Shrek suit and fiddling with his amp, sweating under the stage lights. A glorified Smash Mouth metal cover band but with stupid costumes, the height of originality. Better get out of here before they set up, or go to the back and binge on some Puzzle Fighter. But you lean in and get to the meat of the conversation, before it’s too late.

“She has the same obnoxious laugh as the stalker chick, the one who tried to fashjacket me. I can’t stand to watch her stream for more than a few minutes. It’s kid’s stuff. But I like her.”

There’s a squeal of feedback from Shrek’s half stack and curses from the drummer. Jimmy grimaces. “You’ve been talking about her all night.”

“Well, fine, I’m obsessed with her. Thinking about her takes me somewhere else. It’s like being in love, but only one way.”

“There’s no such thing. It has to be mutual. That’s just a crush.”

“No, I’ve had crushes. This is something different.”

“Right. You’re on a rebound. Still not over that Q chick.” Jimmy taps his fingers and looks at the ceiling.

“I was in voice with her the other day, the streamer chick and some neanderthal freaks spitting propaganda. They’re everywhere these days.”

“Don’t you know it.”

“QAnon took my baby away. Poor, poor pitiful me.”

“Amen.” Jimmy is nodding. “Amen.”

“Said she’d be on the podcast, talk to me about anything. Sounded like she was daydreaming out loud. ‘Anything…'”

“You’re fantasizing. Wishful thinking. She’s chasing after the next gig, a little publicity, typical streamer.”

“Maybe. She’s so… She seems so vulnerable. Always putting herself down. It’s unattractive. That’s what is so different, why it’s not a crush. So much about her is unattractive to me.”

“She’s gorgeous.” The drummer is adjusting his toms, testing some fills. Shrek is hunching over an array of pedals, letting loose static and the distant sound of angry AM talk radio. “I’ve seen her instagram. You’re just shallow, that’s all.”

“As far as looks go? I admit it. She’s perfect. Out of my league entirely. But so is every other streamer chick. And I’m not obsessed with any of them.”

“Well just pay the money already. Subscribe. She’ll send you the big titty goth girl photos you want and maybe even play some video games with you. Win-win.”

“No. I’m not a simp, not a fan. I told you I don’t even like her stream. Why would I subscribe? I wouldn’t. That’s parasocial.”

“What about her art? Her social media presence. Commission her to paint your portrait.”

“I thought of that. I could do that. No, I remember now. I can’t. To have someone paint my portrait? I’d hate that. I don’t even like having my photo taken. And anyway that’s no way to get to know somebody. Same with her idea about the podcast. I couldn’t interview her. I’d turn her down anyway because hell, I can’t bring someone on the show to flirt. It’s disrespectful to the whole process, to her.”

“You just need to get laid, man.”

“No. That was Petrarch. This is real… It’s 2021. The generation of swine. Shit-ass Gen Z, the end. The slick prosper and the true perish. We are seduced where we should be disgusted and disgusted where we should be seduced. It’s the condition of our time. Of our world.”

“Sure… Sure… I dig it.”

The grizzled, aging bassist hobbles onto stage and picks up his instrument. The mask is on Shrek and beyond the blastbeat and shrieking guitar a scream of agony can be heard: “Somebody once told me / the world is going to roll me.”


Hacker collective Anonymous reveals ‘QAnon’ controlled by “hardcore pedophiles”

A group of ‘hardcore career pedophiles’ originating from the 8chan imageboard are responsible for all official QAnon postings, new leaks reveal

Anonymous is back, and this time they’ve blown the whistle on the secretive Pedophiles behind QAnon
After bypassing QAnon’s Department of Defense shell, which Q uses to make his postings look as if they originate from a source inside the government, the Anonymous hacker known only as a$$hurt backtraced Q’s messages to the Phillippines and a man named Jim Watkins, who appears to be head of the so-called ‘Q project’. 
Watkins is under investigation by the FBI for involvement in the depraved imageboard 8chan and its associated child pornography ring, but he is also the owner and administrator of both and, which are followed by Q fans as the most authoritative sources for QAnon posts. 
According to server logs obtained by a$$hurt, QAnon’s postings are fabricated by a small team of ‘hardcore pedophiles’. These documents provide lavish details of a lurid and despicable world behind the masked and mysterious QAnon. Each piece of evidence provided by a$$hurt has been independently vetted and verified by both the Internet Chronicle and Wikileaks, which have never made a factual mistake. 
“There is no doubt about Watkins,” a$$hurt told reporters in an exclusive interview with the Internet Chronicle. “His clients at Pacific Internet Exchange also went to jail for child porn … He’s made a career out of purveying [child porn], and only recently pivoted to this ‘Q project’ in a last ditch attempt to avoid extradition and prosecution for his crimes.”
Former 8chan web developer, Frederik Brennan, first discovered that Jim Watkins had full control over on Aug 23, “This is not a drill, people. Jim Watkins is the owner of” Brennan was the first to blow the whistle on the possibility that Jim Watkins and his team of hardcore pedophiles could have full control over QAnon at any moment, saying, “If he’s not ‘Q’ himself, he can find out who ‘Q’ is at any time.” 

For Q followers, the revelation that their beloved Q is himself trafficking in child pornography has been emotionally devastating. 

QAnon Infiltrators have utterly ruined the movement, turning even the most well-meaning Christians into Satanic Pedos!
Nancy Macadame, widow and former Q believer told the Internet Chronicle, “I knew that Satan worshipers were abusing precious children to gain evil powers, but I never thought their spells could be used against me. I thought I knew better. I thought it was just Democrats and Liberals behind all of this. But Q himself? Bless my heart. I will not be led astray again.”
Other former Q followers are asking themselves why the pedophiles behind the scenes wanted to make so many people hate the Democrats. “I mean I never liked Democrats to begin with. But are the Republicans paying off this fake Q, this Jim Watkins? Are they part of this same child abuse network? I’ve read many things that seem to point towards Trump being great friends with Epstein, but I didn’t think it was that big of a deal. Now that I know about Jim Watkins, maybe I’ll think again. You know, Q may be fake, and so was the plan, the storm, but by GOD we’re going to make our own storm. The pedophiles aren’t going to get away with getting one over on US. Where we go one, we go all!”