Mass Shooters “at a loss” as Social Distancing deprives them of targets

INTERNET — As Americans struggle to pay rent and utilities with employers shutting down all non-essential businesses, would-be mass shooters in America are also struggling — to find targets, as well as a new meaning for their life. Bobby Newmark of Hartford, Connecticut told reporters, “I’m at a loss. My whole life was leading up […]

CORONA! A Simple Pandemic Plan from Dr. Angstrom H. Troubador

Many people have filled my inbox with general bullshit questions and they’re all panicked as hell about this Corona trash. But I’m chill because I’ve got it all down–I’m Dr. Troubador. I’ll tell you about my Simple Pandemic Plan. I’m your Quarantine Daddy. Firstly, and most shocking, I’ve discovered you can catch Corona through the […]

White House: Donald Trump SICK with Coronavirus!

INTERNET — President Trump was “too sick” for his usual 36 holes of golf at Mar-A-Lago this weekend, and after testing positive for Coronavirus Sunday evening, the president was quickly put into quarantine. This follows boisterous statements by President Trump that Coronavirus was a “fake news hoax” created by the media to destroy his presidency. […]