Author: Kilgoar

News

Rage comics are killing Reddit

Post author By Kilgoar
Post date July 31, 2011
16 Comments on Rage comics are killing Reddit

Well, I tried to declare the death of Rage Comics last week, but it seems they keep coming back to life in increasingly terrible forms. They’re killing the Reddit community, infecting all other subreddits with stupid emoticons and unfunny memes. People continue to tell their pitiful life stories, hoping that the trendy little stick figures with funny faces will bring an added value to the insipid narratives with the misnomer of ‘Rage Comics’. They are hardly comics, funny only for how terrible they have become.

butthurtterriblerage — This is the story of a butthurt loser who keeps making the same mistake over and over again like a full retard. I'm sure he feels really great, hanging around the parents of his ex while he suffers from blue balls because he isn't getting laid. This guy didn't spare a single detail, causing me to actually rage. I also want to know what the fuck that black box in the last frame represents.

bfiBR — This must have been a really sweet and enjoyable comic for this guy's roommate. Except for the fact that he really only made it to selfishly leverage karma points on Reddit. Oh, did I mention the vacuum of humor in this comic caused my bowel to prolapse?

eughgghghg — Oh, I get it! Michele Bachmann's a retard. Somehow it's only fitting you've applied rage faces to her quoatations with complete indiscretion. Just another pitiful Redditor, desperate for Karma.

IMETSOEMOENFAMOUS — Well congratulations, you met someone famous. Fucking original, witty, and hilarious! Exactly the kind of stuff I want out of a comic strip.

idgaf — Here is another example of hilarious humor in some random Redditor's daily life - except the only real joke is a witless reference to Fabio. Pro-tip: Sticking a "rage face" on someone famous doesn't make your comic funny.

Well, here's another example of a perfectly unfunny situation that some loser from Reddit has filled with references to famous movie lines in a hollow Seth MacFarlanesque attempt at humor. Before you make a comic like this, you should take out the pop culture references and ask yourself, "is this even remotely funny?"

lolfuckreddit — Exhibit A: Redditors are unable to communicate with others except through rage comics.

Without a doubt, rage comics are worse than they were last week. If this trend continues, I project that by the end of the year all rage comics will cause readers to suffer crippling sympathetic embarrassment and cry from the shared butthurt. Also, cocks.

Trolling Uncontrollable Patriotism

Hillary Clinton – trolled!

Post author By Kilgoar
Post date July 31, 2011
2 Comments on Hillary Clinton – trolled!

A recent pastebin hoax portending to be a leaked diplomatic cable from the office of Hillary Clinton, it seems, was actually written by me. This was discovered after a careful search through my browser history, as I was blackout drunk and high on one too many drugs at the time I wrote the pastebin.

S E C R E T STATE 047326

NOFORN
SIPDIS

E.O. 12958: DECL: 05/08/2034
TAGS: PINR IR
SUBJECT: (SBU)  LULZSEC AND ITS POSSIBLE RELATION TO HAMAS
AND THE IRANIAN GOVERNMENT(C-NE9-00993)

Classified By: SUZANNE MCCORMICK, DIR., INR/OPS.  REASON:  1.4(C).

¶1.  (C/NF)  WASHINGTON ANALYSTS ARE HIGHLY INTERESTED IN
REPORTS REGARDING IRANIAN GOVERNMENT'S PRESENCE IN CYBERSPACE.
ANTI-AMERICAN SLOGANS AND MESSAGES HAVE BEEN SPREAD WITH
THE AID OF ILLEGAL HACKING.  THESE ATTACKS ARE MOST LIKELY
A COOPERATIVE ACTION OF BOTH HAMAS AND THE IRANIAN GOVERNMENT.
ON 17 JULY 2011, THE SUN WAS HACKED BY LULZSEC AND A STORY WAS
PLACED WHICH THREATENED THE LIFE OF RUPERT MURDOCH. THIS IS A
TYPICAL LULZSEC ATTACK, TARGETING A MEDIA OUTLET.

¶A.  (C)  WHAT, IF ANY, TIES DOES THIS ATTACK HAVE TO IRANIAN
INTERESTS? WHAT ARE THEIR MOTIVATIONS FOR WEAKENING WESTERN MEDIA
OUTLETS LIKE PBS AND THE SUN?

¶B.  (C)  IN WHAT WAY IS SABU RELATED TO HAMAS? IS HE POSSIBLY
TIED TO MORE EXTREME GROUPS SUCH AS AL-QAEDA?

1)  (C)  WHAT KIND OF SUPPORT DOES SABU HAVE WITHIN ANONYMOUS
AND THE UNITED STATES?

2)  (C)  CAN SABU'S SUPPORTERS BE ACCESSED BY OUR INFILTRATORS IN
HAMAS AND AL-QAEDA, AND IF SO, HOW QUICKLY?

3)  (C)  HOW CAN ODYSSEY BE USED TO DAMPEN SUPPORT FOR LULZSEC?

¶C.  (C)  PLEASE CITE C-NE9-00993 IN THE SUBJECT LINE OF
REPORTING IN RESPONSE TO THE ABOVE QUESTIONS.
CLINTON

I must have drunkenly entered the mind of Hillary Clinton, because this hoax has received over 9,000 views on pastebin. It has also been republished in many other publications of high repute, as final proof of Barrett Brown’s paranoid theories. Until now, the Romas/COIN theories were based only on circumstantial evidence.

After further investigation of my internet history, it seems this whole hoax began with an extended masturbation session on /b/. After that, I spent about two hours reading through everything on WikiLeaks that had ever come from the Secretary of State. At the time I didn’t realize I was reading documents written by both Hillary Clinton and Condoleeza Rice, but they write in the exact same voice anyway. I studied every intricacy of Clinton and Rice’s authoritative writing style. I find it impossible to believe I did this without touching myself.

The only person who really picked up on this hoax was th3j35t3r, and he has since done his best to tie Sabu with Islamic terrorists. However, he hasn’t done half the job I did, and I did it only to mock those who would believe it. After all his practice, you think th3j35t3r would have learned how to troll by now.

**You’ve been trolled so hard, Hillary Clinton.**

News

Isle of Yell – Troll Capital of the World

Post author By Kilgoar
Post date July 31, 2011
2 Comments on Isle of Yell – Troll Capital of the World

[pullquote]”u jela?” ~ Jake Davis[/pullquote]On Sunday authorities revealed that Jake Davis, known to millions as the troll-happy spokesperson of Lulzsec, hails from the Isle of Yell. Etymologists believe ‘Yell’ may have derived its name from the Proto-Norse word ‘Jela’, which is the stock response given to any non-natives of the island.

There are many rich legends of Trolls on the Island of Yell, which date back centuries. In the 1880’s, local lore holds that a shipwrecked sailor of the seven proxseas used a saw to kill the Troll of Windhouse. Bright green grass marks the place where the Troll died. Some say that the spirit of Trolling still haunts the isolated teenagers of Yell.

Left with little else to pass the time, Jake Davis was apparently quite fond of online chess. Davis, obviously quite intelligent, assessed the butthurt of those who were jelly with the aid of a perfectly designed assessment form.

Nearly 900 people live on the barren island of Yell, so Davis may find the social interaction of prison life quite stimulating. Faced with no other way off of Yell, Davis may have only disengenously supported the cause of LulzSec for the chance to get somewhere warm and populated with soil that will support the growth of plants larger than shrubberies.